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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm so angry

20 replies

5151Aarondean · 23/12/2018 16:12

So I've been in a so called relationship for nearly 17 years. It's xmas and you are supposed to be happy but ... okay is it ever okay for my partner to throw away my wine. ? I mean I have a good job..I pay my share of things in the house. I have reared two fine young lads. I'm 35 we don't go out as a couple ..he works all the time like from dawn till dusk. The only thing I do enjoy is a few glasses of wine. Usually only on a Friday night. Sometimes I will have a few during the week too. I don't think he has the right to throw away my wine. He thinks I drink too much. I really don't think it's a ny of his business.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 23/12/2018 16:15

Who the fuck does he think he is? Totally unacceptable.

PurpleDaisies · 23/12/2018 16:15

I’d be quite surprised if someone did this lightly.

How much are you drinking in an average week?
Does he have a history of controlling behaviour?

pointythings · 23/12/2018 16:19

Unless he is controlling in other ways too, I'd be keeping an alcohol diary and working out how much I was actually having. He might be very, very worried about you. And I know that sick feeling of anxiety as you watch the person you love slide into dependency.

So can you honestly say you are drinking at safe levels, have at least 2 or 3 alcohol free days a week?

Obviously if your DP is generally controlling it's a completely different picture, but alcohol is insidious and the drinker themselves is often the last to know there is a problem.

WeCanBeHeroesJustForOneDay · 23/12/2018 16:19

No it is not ok..if you’re not a raging alcoholic that ignores the kids, house in a state etc. then what right has he to throw you’re wine away, especially as you do nothing as a couple. Buy your own wine & tell him to shove it..Sounds as if you lead separate lives tbh, hardly a relationship..start throwing away something of his that he enjoys on a regular basis or interfere with something he does & turn the tables, he will soon learn..start to wear the trousers for once & tell him it’s not on..or go your own ways..your relationship sounds dire tbh.

Badwifey · 23/12/2018 16:22

I agree with PP. I think you need to take a look at your drinking first. Maybe you are drinking a lot more than you think. How many bottles a week do you go through. If I thought my Dh was at the beginnings of a dependency then I too would pour his alcohol down the sink to make a point. Has he said anything to you lately along the lines of cutting back?

babysharkah · 23/12/2018 16:35

Well my answer depends on how much you actually drink?

HollowTalk · 23/12/2018 16:43

It's hard to believe someone would do this without reason, though looking at the number of knobheads talked about on the Relationships thread makes me wonder.

Be absolutely honest - how much are you drinking? How does that affect your behaviour at the time and the next day? Have you argued when you're drunk?

oiiiiiii · 23/12/2018 16:44

You're either a problem drinker

OR

He's a controlling arse

OR

Both.

Don't build up a raging temper over this. Go to a counselor. Get your head straight and get real with yourself. And then decide your next steps.

Cherries101 · 23/12/2018 16:52

You sound like you do drink too much actually.

Original poster
5151Aarondean · 23/12/2018 17:29

Thanks everyone. Yes I am also fully aware of the affects of alcohol. My father was one and so is my sister. I know what it does to people... I also know it's xmas and usually people have a few drinks. His parents never drank and he rearly drinks. There us also nearly 10 years in age difference and I think he is more like a father than a partner. Anyways thanks for replys. 😊

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 23/12/2018 17:43

I think on MN people are generally divided between having a couple of drinks a few times a week and those who very rarely drink. I would hate someone to monitor my drinks!

How many units would you say you've had in the last week?

HollowTalk · 23/12/2018 17:43

Sorry, didn't mean that to sound as though I was monitoring you, then! I just meant I would hate someone to watch me have a glass of wine and complain about it.

Travisandthemonkey · 23/12/2018 18:15

Really depends how much you’re drinking.
But if he drinks very little, then you could be drinking a couple of bottles a week and he will think it’s too much.

Mumsnet is divided into people who only drink a thimble at Christmas and raging alcoholics. In real like, it’s somewhere in the middle.

Even if you were an alcoholic, throwing your wine away is a foolish and pointless thing to do.

peekyboo · 23/12/2018 18:27

How many bottles did he throw away? Are they still in the bin?

Neverunderfed · 23/12/2018 20:08

I would guess that you drink what would generally be considered to be too much. Even your OP reads a bit like a drunken ramble.

Travisandthemonkey · 23/12/2018 20:22

@Neverunderfed
It sound like a thousand others posters on here. Are they all drunk

mikado1 · 23/12/2018 20:45

I would say his concern is increased, unfairly or not, by your family's history.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 23/12/2018 23:03

It sounds to me as if you have or are heading towards having a drink problem and are on here trying to justify it.

subspace · 23/12/2018 23:18

I notice you haven't answered the people who ask how much your do drink and how often.

I suspect he really is genuinely worried about you.

subspace · 23/12/2018 23:18

And with your family link, you ought to be erring on the side of caution with alcohol, too.

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