So why doesn't dh want to come on holiday with us

[lupo]

Hi

Am feeling a bit miffed with dh but not sure if i am being over sensitive?

To cut a long story short, every year we go somehwere nice abroad in nice hotel etc with ds. This year, having huge extension and dh about to start a new job in mid july. he has used all his accrued holiday in old job, and cant take any from new job straightaway etc.

So my parents initially offered to take me and ds on a haven holiday for four nights, not very glam but we are only going as ds age three will love it. The idea is we will go mid week while dh at work as its cheaper also

Dh said he would love to come (not with my parents as dh and my dad relationship not great), my parents didnt mind if we went with them or just if we went with dh.

Anyway found a deal for three nights over the weekend, requiring dh to take one day unpaid holiday (he is leaving old job anyway so not major prob)to travel back on Monday.

He seemed hesitant and then said he didnt really like those sorts of places (bit rich as his mum owns a mobile home and when growing up he spent most of his time on holiday there and we took ds to mobile home a couple of summers ago)
He then suggested I should pehaps go with my parents.he has just come back from three day jolly aboad with work and hasnt seen much of us lately.

Please can you tell me if i am right to be a bit upset and should i tell dh or just not say anything.

TBH i am going now with my parents so ds has a good time, and will make the most of it etc but bit disapointed that dh isnt willing to spend some quality time with us.

what do you think?am i being unreasonable

I can't see why he would rather be home alone than spend the time with his wife and child? Don't think he has much of an excuse tbh!

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Have you asked him why? Could it be related to having to have unpaid leave? Could he come and join you all for the weekend only?

I would be upset if Dh wouldn't want to come on holiday with me and DD. Can't imagine him not wanting to though.

Hi,

asked him why last night and he said much as I would love to see ds enjoying himself, I dont really like those sorts of places.

Initially he said that he couldnt get the time off work, didnt want to upset his old boss and needs a reference etc, but then admitted that if it was a nice trip to barcelona he probably would be able to take a day off.

Oh and he has offered to drive down for one evening (we are now going mon-thurs with my parents) but it will take him two and half hours to get there, he will stay an hour and then drive back for work the next day -wtf.

when ds sees him he will almost certainly want him to stay. Shall i tell him not to bother unless he can stay for anight and take next day off?

Message withdrawn

The one evening thing seems pointless. By time he gets there it will be too late to do anything, and your DS will be tired and wanting his bed, not to mention the upset when daddy has to go back home so soon.

Icod, no shagging is the last thing he wants to do, wouldrather play on the xbox, but thats a whole other problem ........

Sounds like you're better off without him joining you, esp if relationship's strained with your dad. Just concentrate on your ds and enjoy the trip for what it is.

But let your dp know he owes you big time, he can take dc off somewhere so you get a free 3/4 days to yourself

I think from a blokes point of view you are being a bit sensitive, I'd certainly bank it and save the favour for a weekend away with your friends, he cannot complain then.
If it was a weeks break then I think he would be unreasonable.
You sure your father is not the issue here?
A few days on your home by yourself, I reckon there are a few MN's who would jump at that chance! Just for the peace and quiet.

Hi,

BigGitDad, the idea was that we would go for a weekend but without my parents, just the three of us, only when he said no did i decide I would go with my parents midweek.

tbh i wouldnt go away with him and my parents together ..would be a nightmare.

nice to hear from a man point of view though..

You want him to go with your parents?

Hi Paula

If he was willing to come, I suggested we go over a weekend just me him and ds - no parents.

I think he wants some piece and quiet in the evenings and thats why he doesnt want to come..just thought he would rather spend time with us

Thats unreasonable, I could understand it if he had a hard time with your dad but no excuse not to go away just the three of you

Now I see lupo, if he originally agreed then changed his mind, then he is being unfair as you made the arrangements on that basis. Naughty boy.
Still a weekend by himself is a big attraction. (Lie ins, sport on telly, take aways, out with mates etc)
Arrange another weekend at another time to make up for him not going this time. I'd like to see his face then!

DH and I are of the school that tells each other everything that bothers us - yes it leads to arguments but once we have calmed down or had our time out (very supernanny!) we normally come to an agreement because we have had a chance to think about the others point of view.

I fully understand your position and I think you should tell him. My dh works long hours and I would hope that he would want to spend time with me and ds when he could - I wuld be really upset if he did this.

Personally, I don't want to have a few days away from ds in return - I want time as a family.

I would let him know how upset you are about this and ask him why he didn't want to come.

So in conclusion - you are not being unreasonable at all!

Don't ask him if you are not going to accept his answer is what my hubby would say.

Just because he grew up going on "those kind of holidays" does not mean that he has to like them.

I can't say I blame him for jumping at the chance of getting some peace and quiet working full time myself. I would say though that I think he should go down with you Friday evening or Saturday morning, have some fun with you and go home Sunday evening. Might be a compromise (if you had not already booked a holiday with your parents).

You say that neither of you is wild about that sort of holiday, and the impression I get is that you are going just so that ds had a little hol.
I would just accept that with new job, expense of extension etc, it is just better to jettison the family holiday and let your parents enjoy a hol with DS. And don't take it personally with DH. After all, to begin with you were just going to go midweek, then looked into including DH ...you're simply back to the first plan you and your parents came up with. SAve money, save his holiday time.
The driving down one evening does sound mad - tell him not to worry!

I think the gesture of offering to drive down for an hour was one of those "I don't not want to be with you, but it's the type of holiday I don't want" type of things. I'd go without him and plan some other things you can do as a family.

I think it sounds as though he thinks it won't be much of a holiday for him. To be honest, given the choice of few days away with my parents and children, and few days away with my parents, children and DH, I might go for the former. I know it might not be much of a holiday for you either, but they are your parents, and it might be easier on you if you are not trying to keep everybody happy and sooth troubled waters all the time.

I think if he were rejecting a holiday with just you and your DS and you were going away for a week or a fortnight you would have reason to be cross, but I think you are better off saving his holiday time for later in the year and having a great day out as a family.