Marriage over

[aec42]

I've packed a bag with a few things for me and DS and planning to stay with my mum for a few days.

I am dreading telling her and ruining everyone's Christmas. I don't think I have any choice though.

DS isn't even 2 so won't even know really it's Christmas but I feel shit that I'm ruining everything for him too.

H has always been selfish but it's reached a peak of putting friends sport and booze before us and after a terrible row last night told me to enjoy this Christmas as after that he'd be gone. He also said I was a shot wife and said I mean look at you. A jibe no doubt directed at my weight (I'm a size 14/16)

I feel like I have to take control and leave and am sitting wondering how and when I break the news to my family. I can't phone them this early and once I do that's it. No Going back.

Please someone give me some advice. I'm so so upset and can't think clearly.

You are doing the right thing. What he is doing is emotionally abusing you! Get out of there and make January become yours and DS new year and a fresh start.

aww hugs!! Keep calm, how far away are your parents? Maybe set off soon and stop halfway (if it's a long drive) for breakfast. If it's round the corner I wouldn't wake them just yet!

You're doing the right thing. Your family love you and will understand.

Thank you. They are only half an hour away.

Please don't worry about ruining their Christmas. If you were my DD I'd want you out of that situation as soon as possible.

You will be fine, look at how strong you are, he’s excess baggage. As one poster has said if you were my daughter and grandson I’d want you both out of that verbally abusive and controlling relationship, regardless of the time of year.

You are being so strong. Your mum and family will support you 100% and your future self is cheering you all the way.
The women who find excuses to stay (it’s Christmas, children, he’s a good dad etc) are in awe of you.
It’s not going to be easy and some days will be tougher than others. Get through Christmas and look forward to living the rest of your life

Thank you all so much. I've dried my hair and put some make up on. My hands are shaking but I need to feel in control and this helps bizarrely.

Apparently we both just need to work harder on our relationship! Twat.

Going to my mums at 11.

Your not ruining it for your son. He is having an adventure to Grandmas and more importantly you are teaching him how to treat people and removing him from a toxic environment.

Well done OP.

You will feel better at your mum's. But just a question, why can't he be the one to leave as you have a DC?

well done for taking control.

I take it he's woken up & seen you're going?

Well done for taking control OP. This will make you feel better for a start.

You won’t ruin anyone’s Xmas, if anything you and your dc will have a nicer, more relaxed day

Be carefulabout leaving the house. Is it owned/rented? Make him leave

He won't go he's pretending it's not happening and will not want his family to know. The house is owned but mortgage 100% in my name.

Maybe post in legal and get some advice re the house. You dont want to return home to changed locks!

If you both own the house he can't change the locks or if he does you can change them back again. To protect your position until you can see a lawyer in the new year, after you have left send a text or email telling him that you are leaving temporarily and will be back in the new year but thereafter you want him to move out.

Good luck OP this won't be the best Christmas but think of all the Christmases to come which will be so much better because you won't be treated badly by someone who is supposed to love you. My view is that when someone is cruel, as your husband has been, he may promise to change but that will not last as people don't really change.

Good luck you've got this.

How brave you are so well done. Your family wont care about Christmas they will just care about you and your DS. I descended on my parents one boxing day years ago when my marriage ended abruptly (he’d be having an affair and wanted to be with her). All my parents cared about was me and they were wonderfully suppportive and caring. Your DS will be fine and he’ll get lots of fuss so will be happy. Get back to house afterwards though and get legal advice on your position. Can you manage mortgage on your own?
Take one day at a time though so less overwhelming. You are on the road now to a happier life. Good luck

Thank you everyone who helped this morning,

Feeling numb but know I did the right thing.

lozzerbmc I can manage the mortgage fine but most of the deposit came from him so doubt I can buy him out.
I'll do my best though to stay in the house as less upheaval for DS. My family can't help but I can look at getting a new job. I've been coasting since returning from mat leave so could look at ramping things up career wise to support us both.

Hello, popped back to see how you are so good to hear you've got yourself out of there. You sound well balanced and capable, you'll be just fine. Well done for having the balls to dig deep and get yourself outa there 😘

whynot93 thank you!! I wasn't sure anyone would reply this morning and you were one of the first who did.

I'm feeling numb and quite shaken but in some strange way looking forward to my mum and dad looking after us for a few days even if it means sleeping on their couch!

I hope we can get back home soon but have no idea how it's going to play out and if he'll go without a fight,

So so glad I went back to work after mat leave as I'd be stuffed otherwise.

Try to relax for now and emerge yourself in the festivities at your parents place, give yourself some breathing space and then hopefully you'll be feeling a little stronger with a clear head come Boxing Day! Hugs xx

What a brave step to take. Well done for being so courageous. Hope you have a bit of time to cool away from him over Christmas and plan how to best rid of him. Hugs