Hi all. Just posting for an objective opinion (or two...or three).
So, I have been dating this guy for 2.5 years now and he’s practically a step-parent to my two children. Trouble is, he lives quite a long way away, so we’ve been (quite successfully) conducting a long term relationship the whole time. We usually see each other every other weekend. Overall, he’s caring and kind and has great intentions. I know he’s a good egg, so to speak.
However....and here comes my main concern....he’s rather stingy, and has me paying out for most things we do together nearly all of the time. For example, it’s always my round, my turn to treat to dinner and so on. I’m a single parent, on a crap salary and I simply can’t afford to keep it up. On my birthday, we went to Europe for a city break and he lost his debit card. I paid for the entire weekend and he had me doing screen shots of all my transactions so he could calculate his costs to the cent. It was my birthday, and he couldn’t even buy me a drink! I have mentioned it several times and whilst there has been a slight shift, things are still unevenly tipped in favour of him. I just spent £200 on the entire Xmas shop, which he has no intention of giving me a penny for as he’s making the effort to come and see me. This costs him about £50 (not cheap, I know), but by my reckoning, he’s far better off than me!
In the past six months, other things have started to emerge. For instance, he will prioritise his voluntary work (he does this alongside paid work) over seeing me too often for my liking. He has thrice cancelled our plans to do things for this cause and it feels to me that he’s putting other people’s children (he works with children) over my two. He only sees mine about once a month, as they spend some time at their dad’s every other weekend (which is fine and works well).
Now, I have another bugbear which may sound ridiculous but honestly, it has really got me thinking. Two years ago, he would have jumped at the chance to move in, however, I really wanted to allow a decent amount of time together before anything like that happened. At this moment in time, I’m open to stepping things up a notch and maybe even suggesting he does split weeks between the two houses. My long term goal would be for us to be living together full time within a year. Now, I discover that he’s bought me two things for Xmas which are exact duplicates of things he has in his house! Things you wouldn’t need two of, if you get my drift (kitchen utensils and such things). So I’m now wondering whether he’s having doubts and doesn’t actually want to move in ever, or whether I’m just reading too much into it....?
Ridiculously long post - completely unintended - but I’d appreciate some feedback. Thanks for reading. 