Sorry this will be long:
I reconnected with an old flame from my teenage years four months ago. A brief history : He had a huge crush on me that started when he was 20 and I was 18. It never went past a very intense 2year friendship, bar a few kisses bcos of the awful situation I was in. We lost touch bcos his brother asked me to let him go - move on with his life bcos the situation I was in was only complicating his life, and would have caused trouble for him if we had gotten together (religion/community /abusive partner) and he knew his brother wouldn’t take a step back. I did so reluctantly, but knowing it was for his sake the only option ...
Fast forward 12 years I bumped into his cousin, we caught up and unbeknown to me she passed my number onto him. He called that same day, and it was as if those years had never happened. We met up within two weeks, and unlike last time I jumped right in with him.
On one hand its been the best few months of life, he’s open , loving, let’s me know exactly how he feels , and where I stand in his life. However he works very long hours, and has joint custody of his two dd, lives over an hour away so our time together is limited as I have a ds too with a complicated custody arrangement.
Now what I’m struggling with is days like today where we haven’t had contact since Thursday night.
Friday he had the dds, and today was working all day , this isn’t uncommon, but my reaction to it each time is really concerning me.
It’s as if I start to doubt the relationship, his intentions, and over think anything he might have said recently for signs he’s pulling away.
I called twice three hours apart, then texted once . (He has told me previously never to think I’m calling too much, he will answer if he can) He didn’t respond but Saturday is his busiest day so again not unusual, nor is his lack of response when work is like that. He explained it to me when we first started talking again that once he’s in work mode he’s blinded to the outside world. He’s very ambitious, and building up a business which I do when I’m not freaking out find very attractive.
I know it’s not normal, this is my first relationship since I finally left my ex 5years ago. I’ve had treatment for ptsd due to that relationship, but I thought I was ready, and I don’t want to lose him again or push him away?
I hide this struggle from him, yet everytime we have a few days or even less sometimes like this I tear myself apart.
I question whether to txt or call again, and there is a part of me that just wants to run away from this , cut all contact so then I won’t feel like this , but I know that’s fear talking.
Please , please , please does anyone have any tips for dealing with this? It’s ruining what should be an extremely happy time. I’ve contacted my GP but being the holidays I’ve no chance of an appointment till the New Year.