Married but I borderline love someone else..

[adviceneeded1819]

Just that really.

I'm fairly young (26) and I've been with DH since I was 19 (married almost 2 years).

There once was a point that I would have never looked at another man but I feel like I've fallen out of love with my DH. I love him dearly but not in a romantic way. I've also realised I'm not attracted to him. We rarely DTD and it's a cause for constant arguments . In the past he had basically spoken to me like a piece of s**t. I never stood up for myself and now I resent him.

I started working alongside a male colleague around 6 months ago and I've noticed me enjoying work more and dreading going home at night. I realised a month ago that I have feelings for him. We are so close, like best friends. The feelings are mutual. Nothing has happened and I don't want it to because I believe in the sacredness of marriage. I want to run to this guy so badly. He is a really great guy. He isn't pushing me at all and respects that I feel the way I do about my situation.

Has this happened to anyone else and they managed to get over it?

I just can't bear to see my DH upset but don't know how I can cope cutting ties with the other man. I care so deeply for him and he feels the same.

Please help 😢

This isn't the guy for you. He's a symptom of the problems in your marriage. Sorry the marriage or end then, THEN consider other people. Until then, yes, cut ties completely.

Finish your relationship and have some time as an adult alone.
If things happen with the work guy let it happen when you are single and not fresh out of a marriage.

Sort the marriage, not sorry!

well unlike some posts here your not leaving with the kids or 'kicking' him out. So I guess you can do what you like but you have to look at whose the best father of your children assuming you want some and who is unlikely to do what your thinking of - sorry

You should be pleased with yourself that you've not acted on anything with the other guy.

Now, forget all about him - pretend he doesn't exist, and just read this bit again:

"I've also realised I'm not attracted to him. We rarely DTD and it's a cause for constant arguments . In the past he had basically spoken to me like a piece of s**t. I never stood up for myself and now I resent him"

Why are you with him again?

Leave your marriage, then see how you feel about this man.

It sounds like you need to reconsider your marriage.

Don't waste your youth being in an unhappy marriage. You both deserve more than that.

Not to mention the fact that it will be far easier and less complicated now, rather than if you have children in the future

💐

End your marriage. It sounds like it's dead in the water anyway. You don't fancy him. You resent him. He treats you like shit. Tell him it's over. Do everything properly and honourably. Once you are free, if you want to pursue a relationship with this man at work, then go ahead. You are only 26, that's way too young to be saddled with a man you don't love, for possibly another 50 or 60 years.

What heartofglass said.

Sounds like you’ve already had an emotional affair. OM is not and never was a “friend”. Very unfair to your DH.

If you want to date other men, end your marriage first.

Here's the thing. Most people are not the same at 19 as they are in their mid twenties.

It's a huge shift that accommodates a change in maturity and outlook and often accompanies a different way of viewing almost everything. Political outlook, ideas about family, bodily autonomy, work...

Some people make a go of it when they get together that young because they are lucky enough to go through those changes at the same rate. Most in my experience don't.

Don't beat yourself up about it - arrange to separate from your partner in the grounds you've given here. You're not happy- truly: that's enough.

Give yourself some time away from both men and see how you feel. You might find you want neither of them.