How do you feel about your husband?

[boymum9]

That's just it really, how do you feel about your husbands? How did you feel when you meet? Was it love at first sight? Can you 100% see how your future with them will pan out?
I love my DH dearly, but recently I don't know if I imagine my future with him, we've had tough times in our relationship over the years that we've always got through but certain things have changed how I feel about him, and that worries me.

Met him at an after works drinks do. I was fairly senior and he was a consultant doing work for the company. We got chatting in the bar and he asked for my number and followed up on it. I wouldn't normally have accepted but I knew he was only with us for a short period (doing a fixed piece of consultancy).

How did I feel when we met. He was very good looking, lovely personality and yes if honest I really fancied him and would love to have him in bed with me but didn't rush anything and was pleased he asked to take me to dinner. We got on so well, a lot of common interests. He was clever and was clearly ambitious which was similar to me.

We have a fair few dates and I loved he didn't rush into the sex side, despite me feeling desperately up for it. We did first time when he asked to take me away for a weekend which was lovely and I knew I really wanted to. Beautiful hotel and very romantic in the lakes.

Carried on dating, eventually moved in together and got married after 4 years together. Didn't have any doubts when he asked me to marry him and still don't. He is my soul mate but also we are very compatible sexually. We both like trying different things and keeping it spiced up and interesting.

Career wise we have both advanced, although mine hiccuped with having kids but back on track now.

Couldn't imagine not being together really.

Would hate to be in a position where I had doubts about us, but also if our sex life failed it would be a deal breaker for me unless a very good reason. I read on here so many times where one person loses interest in the other sexually and I honestly just know marriages don't survive long term without the intimacy of it.

Thank you for your reply!

We met online on a forum of mutual interest (this was before internet dating was really a Thing)
I moved in very quickly, within 6 weeks of our first meet
He told me he wanted to marry me within 2 months of meeting

He was so, so different to anyone I'd been with before (and I'd had 3 LTRs including 2 living together.)
There was no game playing or emotional manipulation between us.
There was no sexual coercion.
He was incredibly supportive and helped me resolve a lot of my past trauma.
I loved all of him, even his disgusting dental hygiene and nicotine stained fingers, with everything I had. We were a team, supporting each other.

Then things changed.
Because he had supported me, I became much more confident in myself, went for a promotion at work and got it.
I stopped smoking. He tried but couldn't.
I started to challenge him about various things - especially the way he parented DSS. Because I didn't have any DC of my own, I previously hadn't felt able to criticise him. He was fucking AWFUL at parenting.
Now that I was stronger, he felt insecure.
I still loved him and wanted the marriage to work, I just wanted to make changes in the way he treated DSS (who he had full residence of.)
He began to sulk and have tantrums whenever I challenged any little thing he said (and I was always careful not to do in front of DSS.)

His behaviour killed my love for him.
By the end I couldn't stand the sight of him.
I moved out. I kept contact with DSS, we spoke on the phone every day and I had him every weekend until Ex moved 200 miles away to be with new girlfriend. Then I had DSS every school holiday that I could get sufficient annual leave for.
He used DSS to control and hurt me. (eg I used to ring his GF's landline every night to speak to DSS at 7pm - ex would deliberately pick up and if I wasn't "friendly enough" he would not let me speak to DSS.)
I lost even more respect for him.

Then he died, completely unexpectedly.
It meant the end. No more subconscious hope that one day he would come to his senses, apologize for being a massive dick, make changes and come back.

Until that moment, I hadn't even realised that was what I'd been holding onto.

I can't ever wish I hadn't met or married him. He gave me some very happy times, and my D(s)S, who now lives with me.

But I resent that I didn't find my voice sooner.

Met him at work, no physical attraction, no flirting both in committed relationships. He was leaving work, and at his leaving drinks we chatted the whole night, he barely socialised with the rest of our colleagues! We then were texting back and forth as friends for ages until one day our relationships ended and we met up for a coffee as friends, since then we've never gone a day without talking to each other. We literally just fell together and the connection we have and built our relationship from friendship to the relationship we have now. I believe that's what makes us so strong, it was never based on lust or physical attraction - that came after the emotional respect and love was there. He's a good egg. And don't get me wrong very handsome, just never my usual "wow look at him" type.

I respect him, I respect and love his choice to spend his life with me, and I feel that back from him.

Thank you all

Met my husband through online dating 11 years ago. Good first date, crap second date, fantastic third date.

He moved in after a few months, we got engaged after 9 months and married just over a year after we met.

Had DS 9 months after our wedding and DS2 13 months after that.

Just had our 10 year wedding anniversary. He's definitely the love of my life and tells me regularly that I'm his. Like everyone we've had our fair share of ups and downs along the way including some challenging MH issues but I have absolute 100% trust in him and I 100% know that we are both in it for the long term.

Nothing's perfect don't get me wrong but overall I feel incredibly lucky (especially after reading so many sad stories on MN)

I chose very very carefully.
We met through mutual friends, we went to the same pubs with out friends.
We got chatting.
I was a bitch, totally intolerant of anything that I considered a waste of my time and effort.
Bless him, he persisted and kind of won me over with his loveliness and sweetness and devotion I suppose.
He jumped through lots of hoops.
It was all on my terms.
He moved into my house, the first house I had bought after about 7 months.
We bought our house together and completely renovated it after 5 years.
7 years later we wed, 10 years later we had our first child.
He has become a wonderful husband, a brilliant dad, a much better parent than I am.
He has achieved brilliantly in his career, got his masters this year, working full time and part time study.
Nowadays and indeed for the last 25 years that we have been together, I have been lovely to him, love being with him, appreciate how much he loves our kids and still loves me. I love that he works hard and that his whole life evolves around me and the kids.
Nothing has priority over us for him.
I chose very well.

Met 22 years ago and have been married for 17.

Friends from years ago and reconnected by chance like a lightening bolt really was when we bumped into each other. Both ended relationships to be together.

Absolute love of my life, knew within 6 weeks I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. My best friend, always felt very lucky to have this connection that many of my friends dont have. I gave him my all, we work so very well together. I can truthfully say I have never felt this way about anyone. So very happy. Then.....

2 years ago after a family holiday after him hiding his phone, nipping out to the shops at 8am etc when we got back and he had nipped for petrol at silly o clock I looked at his emails (email acc. already logged in on the laptop) and there were messages to and from OW and photos sent to each other ...her in a bikin as asked for by him and him naked but bits covered taken in tbe bathroom of our holiday homr. I went into shock. Swears it was someone he met briefly one night on a stag do and it was just chatting. But it's obvious from the messages it couldnt of been.

2 years later I hate him, he has ruined everything we had, he disrespected me and lied. I dont trust him... I dont feel the same way about him, and I know what we had will never ever come back. We dont sleep together, I cant see us being together forever, I will end it once DS is older. Im sad as I never thought my life would be like this

Didn’t make him jump through hoops.

We just liked each other, then loved each other. And he is the only person for me. He gets me and accepts me (I’m autistic) and I never want to let him go. And, importantly, I don’t think he wants me to let him go. We are a team.

Entered the relationship happily but carefully, blissfully happy for a years. A few issues that we tried to work out as I love him and couldn't imagine my life without him. Now he's left us for a random he hasn't even met in real life. Go figure.

Generally, with my hands. That's how he feels about me too. I don't feel about anyone else like that.

My DH and I were a whirlwind!

Met through mutual friends when I was 19 or 20. I developed a crush but kept my distance because of our individual circumstances.

When I was 21 I found myself moving to the opposite side of country (Aust) so asked if we could catch up before I went! It wasn't possible so I left it as not meant to be. Fast forward 3 months after talking ALOT, he asks to fly me to his home and to spend two weeks together to see if anythings is there. On our last night we agreed there was something. (I sprayed his pillow with my perfume before I left in the taxi to airport as he was at work 🤣) I was smitten.

I moved in with him 3 months later. We agreed to Marry 3 months after that. We were married at 6 months into our official relationship. Found out we were pregnant 3 months later! It's a funny story. We hid our marriage for 3 months (personal reasons nothing sinister) and not two weeks after the (well recieved) revelation we were telling close family we were also pregnant 🤣 my poor DMs heart 🤦🏼‍♀️

The foundation of our relationship has been a whirlwind. We built trust and honesty very early on and understood eachother very well. It has been hard but we have always managed to work together through pretty much everything from my mental health to DHs career. We are nearing our 6 year anniversary and I have nothing but deep respect, love and attraction for my DH. We have worked together to become people that we are proud to be. Parents to a 4yo and almost 3yo living in his home town south of where we married. I try not to focus on our future but instead on what we have now 😁

Online. Was helping a friend out stalking (I know I know) as she had suspicions about her partner and decided it was a bit of a laugh on there. He messaged me and we just instantly clicked. Cue talking all day every day, hours of calls.
On our first date it was just easy, totally lost track of time sat chatting away in a cute little bar for hours.
Best first kiss I've ever had!!

He came into my life like a bolt out the blue, and we spent as much time as we could together. He was amazing with my DS when I introduced them and still is now.

It's only been 2 years, but we've gone through a lot in that time and he completely supports me in every way (chronic illness etc too) and I always try to him. People who know what we've gone through always say it's amazing how a relationship that not that far in can survive it all but sometimes you just know.
Wouldn't change it for the world.

Love at first sight, crazy in love, got married and felt I had found my soulmate. Spent almost 2 decades together and thought we were going to grow old together, we were making plans to retire early and set up our own businesses then he left me one night out of the blue and I just received my absolute 2 days before christmas.
I'm fine with it now but it's unlikely I'll get married again.
In the cold light of day I can see I viewed our entire marriage through rose tinted unicorn spectacles of my own making. I lied to myself.
In fact I am difficult to live with and he is childish and immature.
It was bound to crash eventually, I'm just thankful I have my own home and I am solvent.

@NotTheFordType what a sad story!

No one can know 100%. Been with my DH over 30 years, how I feel about him depends on where we are in our relationship. I know some couples seem to have a trouble free marriage but we have had many ups and downs due to illness, family events and life in general, no infidelity but definitely times when I wanted to throw in the towel.

I think it’s natural for change to occur in long term relationships but our core values are the same, our priorities are the same and so we have to adapt and compromise. We love each other and have to accept that we change and we can both be difficult to live with and sometimes marriage is hard work.

Sometimes he’s a dick, sometimes he’s a hero, sometimes I love him like my heart will burst, sometimes I can’t be in the same room as him. I’m sure it’s mutual.

One thing I do know is that if I had LTB for some of the AIBUs I read on MN we wouldn’t have made it past the first post. Our partners can never be all singing and dancing, mine can sing and he can dance, not always at the same time though.

Met at work. I met him to pick his brains about going for a particular job ( I'd never met him before but loads of people had told me how nice he was and that he was the best person to speak to) walked into the room and I just knew my life has changed in that instant.
Luckily he felt the same. We moved in together after 3 months, bought a house after 6 months and were married and pregnant within a year.
We've been together 7 years and we still feel the same and feel remarkably lucky to have met each other.

Looking back I'm surprised people didn't tell us to slow down... especially as the first time my dad met my now DH was when he helped me move into his house 😂 but everyone said that when they saw us together it just made sense .

There is never any drama we love and trust each other implicitly and go out of our way to support each other and make each other happy. I'm so proud of all of his achievements and know he feels the same. He's still my favourite person on the whole world to go out drinking and dancing with.

DH and I were young when we met (I was 16 he was 19) and so I feel like we 'grew up' as adults together. The beginning few years were typical teenage love - intense and wonderful with butterfly tummies before seeing each other, but with your typical rows and dramas. We moved in together after 4 years and bought our house 4 years later, followed shortly by a proposal (gladly accepted!), a wedding 3 and a half years ago and DS was born in June.

I can't imagine being with anyone else, we've had difficulties and both struggled with anxiety/depression in the past but supported each other through it. We're best mates and we have fun together. We don't row or fall out but we do let one another know when something has upset us. He's a wonderful partner in parenting and husband.

He does snore though.

I wish I’d had MN when I met DP and for the first year of our relationship.

I’d have got LTB before I got trapped.

The warning signs were there I was just too young and naive to see them. I feel like he tricked me into thinking he was something he wasn’t now I’m stuck with sunk cost fallacy and have wasted my life on someone I have no respect for.

I met him while with friends. He pursued me renlentlessly. We never had a honeymoon period. My life was very busy at that time so was happy with meeting just once a week. In hindsight even after a year which I thought of as a while I hardly knew him at all. He kept me from his friends, family etc, lied about very important things.

He said he wanted to get married but waited until after I’d had his child before telling me he was now anti marriage.

He does have his good points and isn’t a bad person but I fear I’m stuck until the dcs are older.

1st husband. Met at my work. I stood him up 3 times before I went out with him. We fell in love right away and were together ever since. Our marriage was difficult and we fought a lot. He got cancer and passed away leaving me a very young widow. :( I miss him.

2nd husband. Met online but not a dating site. I was so in love with him. I moved country for him. I thought things were good with us and we even talked about renewing our vows. While I was overseas at my mum's funeral I caught him cheating on me. I was shattered. Truly broke my heart. He became someone evil that I didn't even recognise anymore.

I hope 3rd times a charm for finding a good love. Too scared to date.

My husband and I went to school together. I fancied him. We started dating after he overheard me discussing sharks to my obviously bored group of friends. Apparently he liked sharks too...bless us lol.

23 years on and he is my best friend. I absolutely love him to bits. Now and again I find him a little annoying ;) but to be honest, I just adore him. There is no one I’d rather spend my time with (except our son of course) and he makes me feel safe.

@pissedonatrain

I’m so very sorry for your loss xx

Knew my husband since we were in our mid teens. Always got on but I had never considered him in a romantic way at all. We married seven years ago when I was 22 and he was 26 and we still - fortunately! - get on really well like we always did. We have come through some shit in the seven years like discovering we were both victims of childhood sexual abuse, his alcoholism, my eating disorder, but by a miracle of grace it didn't pull us apart. Thank God. We piss each other off regularly but are still very much in love and 'in like' with each other. Feel enormously lucky to have him as my best friend. And now we're going to be parents in the spring, I hope and pray we stay strong...

We've just always loved each other passionately right from the start, and still do now. I always heard that marriage was hard work but I don't feel like it's an effort at all. I never realised that marriage could be so happy, peaceful, fulfilling. My parents always made it all seem like such a struggle (but they were all wrong for each other).

We took things slowly to begin with, because we met at work (so didn't want to screw up our working relationship) and we'd both recently come out of a relationship. Also we were young (22 and 23) so wanted to go out and have fun with friends etc. So we'd been together for six years when we got married.

15 years and three DC later, I still adore him. I hope he feels the same way about me. He's not very demonstrative, so it's hard to be sure, but he's always been like that so I have to assume he's as happy as I am.