Difficult situation

[Poing]

We have reported possible sexual abuse of our DC to the school she is at. We are fairly certain of this claim, due to DC's story remaining the same over time and also due to doctor assessment. We have twice informally discussed it with the head and have now discovered our our child is displaying signs of abuse, and therefore formally reported. DC will start psych after Christmas and we are in the process of changing schools.

From what my DC has explained, the child's behaviour exhibited signs of possible abuse.

The parents of the child responsible for the offenses have not been informed, but a request for a psych assessment has been submitted after the holidays. The school says they are reluctant to submit a child safety report until after this assessment.

The problem we are having is that the school is now minimising and denying that what transpired at school actually occurred. They say the children are never unsupervised and of course are now questioning my DC's story. They then said we need to get a gynaecological exam by a child gynaecologist to prove the truth. My DC will not even be naked alone in the shower, so the trauma of the exam...I cannot bear thinking about it.

They have also told parents whose children have indicated possible abuse that it is unlikely to have happened. Another mother has come forward with me to say that her own DD had something inserted by this child and caused damage, so went to the head doctor. The school said this mother is imaging things.

The mothers I thought to be friends are siding with the school. I started even doubting my own story when interrogated by the school unexpectedly, until I remembered the doctor's report and everything that has transpired.

I am sitting here beside my children, wondering best how to protect them and defend my decision. My husband said this is why child sexual abuse is so under-reported. I don't cry yet here I am sitting beside my DC nearly in tears. We are going forward with everything, and of course we have to. The safety of our DC comes first.
But this is much harder than I thought it would be. I don't know what I am asking. Just need to keep calm and focused and expect nothing from everyone else.

Change school.
Talk to the police and report it. The school isn’t the right place to deal with that (and clearly they would prefer to brush in under the carpet too)

Yes, go to the police. This should have been your first port of call. What a dreadful situation. I hope you and your family can try and put it to the back of your mind over Christmas and enjoy the time together.

Did you post about this recently?

Bypass the school. Report directly yourself. And report the bloody school for attempting to bury it! Disgusting behaviour even if there were nothing to it. It should always be taken seriously and children should be believed.

Change school definitely ASAP.

I'm so sorry that your DD and family are going through this, it sounds unbearable.

Without knowing the age of the perpetrator, I would suggest that you and the parent of the other girl go to the police and make a report. Perhaps this has already been done though. As for what happens next I assume there is some way of escalating this matter to the local authority?

You are doing the right thing by changing schools, but are the current school keeping the children apart or have they suspended the child who has carried out the assaults?

I really feel for you. What an awful thing for you and your child to go through.

I think if I were you I'd keep child off school until your were satisfied that school were taking it seriously and doing enough to protect her. I'd keep them informed, and I'd be playing merry hell making a nuisance of myself to form teacher, head, governors, social services, safeguarding officer at school, at county council, the police and anybody else I could think of.

It's safe working practices for the school to ensure that no child (or staff member) is left alone with the alleged abuser. That doesn't mean presumed guilt, it's just best working practice. I would imagine they also have a duty to your child to provide additional support to them.

They sound like they're crapping themselves because it shouldn't have been able to have happened, the children should have been supervised at all times. I don't know how much your child has told you, but I'm imagining something has happened in break or in the toilets or something?

Believe your child. I'm so sad the other parents sound the like they're not believing theirs. Showing several signs of abuse is NOT to be taken lightly and does indicate it's more than just your child being odd.

Hugs xxx

I’d also have a chat with the parents who have told you about the abuse of their child/been to the Gp etc... and see if they would be happy to report with you to the Police.

I have to say I’m [schock] that having at least two children who have been examined and found to have been abused, this hasn’t been reported to SS and the Police already.

The NSPCC would be a good point of contact to get some advice in what to do next.

But PLEASE, don’t take your dc back to that school in January.

Please don't worry. DC is not returning to that school.

:):)
That’s a really good news :)

If you know who the other parents are... speak to them and let them know want the situation is. Knowledge that they are not alone will help everyone.

Anybody can report a concern to your local multi agency safeguarding hub.

I have in the past phoned non-emergency police and asked advice, and been put through to social services to report a concern to them.

Your school should have already reported this, and kept records. If they haven't, that's a massive no no and red flag. Ask to see evidence that they have reported it. Write communication to them, record conversations on a phone app (tell them at the beginning of your conversation you are doing that), both at meetings and over the phone. Keep all evidence in a file, and share with authorities. If you have a meeting where they won't let you record or have already had meetings, confirm everything in an email to them afterwards. They are behaving absolutely awfully and will need to be reported, I'm not quite sure who to, but perhaps ofsted or local authority.

I would have nothing further to do with the school.

Police matter

Has this been reported to police?

It's a police matter no longer what the school thinks has or has not happened. Hope your DD is OK bless her x

The school will be trying to cover their own bum presuming the incidents occurred at school. You're right to be keeping DD off. If they're over 10 then definitely report it to the police. If not seek advice from SS. There was a panorama documentary about child on child abuse in schools and the minimising by schools was absolutely disgusting.

As far as I know, it has not been reported to police. The steps they outlined is firstly psych, then formal child safety and then police.

As far as I know, it has not been reported to police. The steps they outlined is firstly psych, then formal child safety and then police.

WTAF

OP, you need to woman the hell up.

This is incredibly serious.

Police. Now.

We are not in the UK.

And?

And if I was in my home country, I would be going straight to the police but the procedures here are different.

Police

I don't even know if the police would have an interest here. Because it involves small children, the procedures are different. That said, I am going to find out now.

The school aren't dealing with it so surely you see you must go to the police.

I believe my first thing to do would formally report the abuse with the child safety authority. This involved personal identification.

*involves