Hi. I'm feeling very anxious.
I left an abusive marriage in 2017. For the last six months I've been chatting to an old sixth form college acquaintance on social media. We haven't seen each other since A Levels, and weren't particularly friendly then, we hardly spoke. We're 44. The messages have been intimate - we confide in each other, we chat about current affairs, we laugh, we advise, we chat about trivia. Loads in common, similar views on things. Over the last two months we've been sending each other sexual messages amongst the friendly ones. It's suited me being at arms length because I am nervous of commitment. This virtual online thing has suited me. It's given me a boost. He fancied me years ago (apparently!) and still does and I'm very attracted to him. We're both divorced (him more recently than me) with teenagers. We've got very emotionally close.
I've found out through the grapevine that he's going to be at a party I'm attending tonight. I'm so worried. It's in a pub function room in our home town. I didn't know he knew the woman who's throwing it but it seems they worked together. He's unaware I'm going. I'm close friends with her best mate, that's why I'm invited. The women I'm going with all know this guy (same age, same home town) but they don't know what we've been up to. I've got visions of turning up and us all having to chat casually.
I'm dreading it. We're having a drink in another bar first, so at least I won't be sober.
I feel pathetic but I was with exH from 1997 - 2017 and have no idea how to deal with this. I've got commitment issues and have no confidence in my conversation skills or looks. On social media I'm witty and I've got good photos on there.
It sounds so daft compared to some problens on here. But...Dreading it. What on earth do I say when I see him? I'm generally quite happy, but still very unconfident following my bitter divorce - I was often sexually assaulted by my exH.