How can I stop wondering if they will work out

[Ladywahwah]

He moved out
OW appeared quickly
It’s clear it was emotional affair turned physical once he had gone

I can’t stop thinking will it work out
A while back I was obsessed with this as thought I would take him back if it ended
But got through that

I couldn’t take him back not now

So why does it matter if they work out or not?
She’s massively younger, but not pretty, tho it has moved very very quick (guess the EA was a basis)

How can I stop obsessing about this
I think it is just a phase
Posting here hopefully will help

It is just a phase, well spotted.

My advice? Take control!!!

Even posting on this thread I see you thinking about them. Get off and go and do other stuff, and when your mind wanders back there, forcibly get it off. You're in a mental danger zone and you need a plan to make it stop. X

I do also wonder whether you're further behind him in accepting the split. He's moved on, you're still shocked.

Maybe in the new year, pay to go and talk to a lady about it for a while until you get it all out xxxxx

Yes thanks
it will either work out
Or it wont
Me thinking about it makes no difference
There’s a lot they are doing that makes it seem very serious
But as I just said me thinking about it makes no difference

It’s because I can’t do anything about it

Feels the same as when we were trying for a baby and it took a while and all around us friends were having babies
I got obsessed about it

There is nothing I can do about it

It is over

I am slightly in denial still
It is over I hAve to accept it

It’s a horrible feeling, but it’s part of the process. Especially hard at this time of the year.

I could say thank god he’s out of your life, thank god he didn’t do this to you when you had 2 kids and no way out, utterly trapped. Because all that is true, but it doesn’t mean much now.

One day you will think those things yourself. But it just takes time. And the thing is, by the time it’s worked out or not, you hopefully won’t care.

Right now they are just intrusive thoughts, so treat them like that. Consciously try to think of something nice and positive when they crop up.

I have got two kids unfortunately - or fortunately as they are lovely (we did eventually have them!)

Agree by the time it’s worked out I won’t care and yes it is like intrusive thoughts

Time of year doesn’t help

Oh bloody hell! Well that makes him even more of an epic dick. Wow

Do you feel angry? Because that doesn’t really come across and at some point anger will help you move on.

Just takes time. Ex left me on 1sr jan. New girlfriend 8th can. Who he apparently didn't cheat on me with 🙄. They moved into flat in April.

She is 10 year younger than him. And 22 years younger than me.

It does fill your thoughts. But it passes. Just try and fill your time with other things.

She is welcome to him. He isn't a nice or easy man to be around. Even though she is/was the ow. She and I deserve better.

I would rather be on my own than be in a bad relationship. Although it has taken me a year of us being separated and a good few years of a not so good relationship to get to that point.

You will move on. Just be kind to yourself.

I just feel hurt.
Not proper anger yet
All his Christmas plans with her.
She has no kids as is just a kid herself but her parents are involving him in their Christmas. They are the same age as him!! It’s so weird and hurts so much.

I know it will take time
It’s like a scab I cannot stop picking

That’s just fucking creepy.
Yuck

One day you will be happy. Concentrate on that.

Lol
That’s helped a lot !!
Made me laugh and snap out of it!!

I get the scab you can’t stop picking thing. I blocked my ex on everything, but I keep unblocking him to check and then it’s even bloody worse!

I have found the books he’s just not into you, you are a badass and it’s called a breakup because it’s broken totally invaluable. They make me feel kick ass and like I’m not totally insane.

I’m 5 months on now, I should def be over him - no kids together but still have to see each other through circumstance. It’s just shitty and hard at times, but it gets easier with pockets of set backs!

I'm in the same boat, ex was having an emotional affair with the guy on the side whilst seeing me and it obviously turned physical once she had ended things with me and now they are together. Was obvious there was a crossover.

Turns out the guy has a lot more money than me.

Finding it so hard to move on even though I deserve better. I think when you know that they were seeing the other person whilst seeing you and stringing you along it makes you more bitter and want the new relationship to fail, it's just human nature.

As others have said, be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to seek therapy. No one deserves what you have been through.

I think a lot of people struggle with this when someone leaves like this. It makes you question your perception, especially if things seemed good before they left and you were making plans etc.

No matter what they post on social media or how they seem there's no way of knowing how they are or what will happen. I'd say if they lied to get together and cheated there can't be much trust. My ex cheated and left me for a teenager, they seem very happy but it all seems very shallow and I do wonder why someone that goes for an engaged man is attractive but that's just me.

There's a quote I like from 'No Country for Old Men':

“All the time you spend tryin to get back what's been took from you there's more goin out the door. After a while you just try and get a tourniquet on it.”

You can't control anyone or their actions, onl your own. Don't let them take any more of your time and live for you. It's easier said than done, I know the feeling of wanting to go over it.

If you're struggling, what about a diary every night, write a set amount of pages of stuff that's going around in your head and then slam it shut and leave the thoughts there. It can be good to havea set amount of time to think about this and not ruminate on it all day (I've done that).

Or as another poster said talking things over with a counsellor might help.

Good luck op, it's really painful and it can be a slow process. Keep posting.

Thanks
This has helped a lot

Also try and think that in life, would you want to stay with someone who is such a bastard to you. I don’t think you do, but it’s still hard to imagine them going off and doing all the happy shit when you’re on your own.
But one day you won’t be on your own (if you don’t want to be)
This much is true.
Show that fucker that you’ll be a thousand times happier in the long run. Because you be.