Overthinking ruining things

[CoconutGal]

Been dating someone for 4 months. We get along really well, there's no pressure to move things onwards just taking things slowly. I'm currently seeking help for things that happened during my marriage before it fell apart. The help has made me feel uneasy at times but I'm working through it.

Anyway, I've felt comfortable with this man for the time we've been dating. He's made me feel incredible as a person let alone woman. Last night over text he mentioned he has a attraction to muscular women. I'm not muscular at all. But for some reason, that comment has sent my brain into overthinking overload. He said I have nothing to worry about. But I now have this stupid thought that I'm not good enough. That maybe I should start working out. 🙄 I know, it's really ridiculous. It would never have bothered me before but it's beginning to eat away at me. I don't want to come across as unstable or needy but it's bothering me.

Hmm interesting. Just brainstorming.....
How do you look.
How does he look?
Do you like working out?
If he does and you don't, are you thinking he said that to make you take it up too?
I feel so, how do you feel about that....should he like you as you are?
Or would you like to take it up and think it might do you good?

Only you can answer these as, depending on where you stand.

When it's happened to me,mits depended on what it was. Ex I had was newly into training and he looked great. Going out with him was a hugely positive thing for me in that regard. So if your guy is thinking fifteen mins weight bearing per day would make your backside hotter, it could be true. However, my guy also made comments about styling me, and he got told to fuck off for that one.

So my view is, it's up to you to take it as you feel to.....

Maybe he's just being ill advisedly over-honest... I adore my partner, they're amazing in many ways, but is that person 100% my ideal in every little way? No. Am I their perfect dream person, no. Nobody is. He's with you though, and unless there's more to this, I'd just chalk it up to mouth going on a hiking trip without adequate equipment and also before consulting brain if they'd like to enter into the proceedings.

Its just a comment i thinking you are worrying too much. He likes muscular women so what? He chose to go out with YOU. I love blue eyes but my partner who i love has green. We are atttacted to the person ie the whole package arent we - he could go out with a muscular woman but she wouldnt be you. You should think more of yourself

See that's the thing, he's always complimented me on how I look despite me knowing he works out & I'm not into it like he is. My job means I'm very active so I don't tend to bother with the gym. I had said to him before I'd like to go to the gym but not to the standards he does & tbh it's all stuff I can do at home.

@Lozzerbmc - thank you for that comment. I think I go through phases where I know my worth then I lose it without knowing.

Dh isn't at all what I would have ever thought to be my "type" physically, and when we met I didn't match ANY of the physical traits he listed as looking for (met online), but here we are 10 years later still madly in love and both very attracted to each other. I've never found any other man as attractive physically, and I'm fairly certain he's into me as well. What a person tends to consistently find physically attractive (or what they think they like) really doesn't always matter when there's a connection. And I've found, at least for myself and the few people of both genders I've discussed this with, is that the more you like a person for who they are, the more physically attractive you start to find them.

It does seem strange that he would come out and say that to you, though. What was the context, if you can spare any without outing?

What's your body type? And what was the context? He may have been trying to subtlety say something slightly different to his actual words.

I heard of a bloke up in Scotland who fancied Venus Williams, but his girlfriend was actually someone other than Venus Williams.

Incredible but true!

Maybe he thinks you are quite muscular.

Seems you’re muscular enough for him to go out with anyway.

I'm slim & got stretch marks from pregnancy years ago that never really went back to normal. He's muscular, much taller than me. We were talking about his workout at the gym & he just came out & said about muscular women. He later said he's not going to seek out muscular women.

Self-evidently, he is going on dates with you.

You must have something!

Don’t try to be someone you’re not to please someone else..be happy in your own skin..if he doesn’t find you attractive how you are then he can sling his hook..don’t be beholden to any mans “ideal” women. We all have fantasies & that’s just what they are. I would think this was an innocent comment on his part & it sounds as if you have low self esteem for it to affect you so personally. Why don’t you tell him what type of man you are attracted to & watch his reaction?