NC but still sending gifts to my kids.

[Alwaysthebountyleft]

Long story but ‘father’ cut me out of his life after I wouldn’t ‘do as I was told’ and accept his new GF, someone who had basically got with him a few weeks after my mother died.
Thing is, since this happened, despite not ever seeing my children he sends money and gifts on Xmas and birthdays. They always would send a short thank you text message. NC again then until the next birthday or Xmas. I have hated this from the beginning, this feels so wrong to accept gifts when I know they aren’t being sent for the right reasons, it’s just to make a point.
This year, for my own mental health I want it to stop. Kids are now 18 and 16 so should understand and I’ll make up the money to them myself.
How do I manage this? I want him to know that the gifts are not welcome but he’s the type that will use this as evidence of how ‘ungrateful’ we / kids are. Any thoughts?

Don’t respond with a thankyou.

Or

Return to sender.

The first one is an option as he won’t know what has happened and therefore can react, whereas the other you have made a point.

Up to you which you go for.

But the most important thing is that whatever you do, you do in YOUR best interest.

Can’t

Given the age of your children, I don't think you have any say in the matter.

Your children are not an extension of you. They have the right to develop their own relationships with people seperate of yours. Even if they were young children, unless there were serious safety concerns, I would still give them their gifts and let them decide when they were old enough what they wanted to do. Since they are (near) adults I think you just have to let them crack on ad they please and not get involved in their relationship, or lack there of, with your fathet. Just because they choose to have contact with him doesn't mean you have to and vice versa.

I read it as there is no relationship with the gc. He just sends the presents to her to pass on, and he hasn’t tried to have one with them. There is just silence for the rest of the year.

You could just pass the presents over and not ask them to acknowledge them, just leave that to them. Being teenagers they probably won’t unless you insist. Do they even have his contact details?

Or ask them what they want to do. You have done you due diligence by passing them over.

It would be good though to explain to them the relationship and his behaviour so they have an understanding of what’s going on and why.

You do have to look after your mental health though.

Yes that is true, there is no relationship with the grandchildren, just a present at each Xmas and birthday. It feels wrong to take them as I feel they are being sent just to make a point.

Op im going through a similar situation. Inlaws only want to see the gc's when its a birthday/ christmas and get ignored the rest of the time. It infuriates me, but i try and separate the kids from this situation.

Maybe, but they still aren't yours to decline. Especially as your children are adults. They can decide for themselves to accept them or not. At this point it has nothing to do with you. If you don't want to know what he's sent or if they've replied don't ask. No reason you have to know. Just hand them over like any other piece of mail addressed to them and get on with your day.

Mil sent a card +gift despite us being nc. Ds was tiny. I sent them back recorded delivery.
Unless your dc actually want the gift then send them back.