Huge, huge issues with trust

[Shiningglitter]

Can you actually do anything about this, or accept that they are there and there is little you can actually do?

I had a very insecure childhood and adolescence and it’s left me unable to form proper relationships as an adult. On the one hand I am desperately lonely and on the other I just don’t even know where to start.

Hello.

My answer is, you must heal this. It is not natural, it was borne of what was wrong and it will hurt you and hamper your life to carry it onwards.

How to do it? It is not an issue to me so I have not had to look at it per se, but I have had to look at other issues I've faced. I think, just consider the idea of trust. What can you trust and why? What would it be like to trust? Can you trust life itself, the seasons, nature? Cycles? Should you be able to trust yourself? To what degree can you do that? Do you always get it right or does life surprise you still? Are you still sort of alright on the other side of those surprises, meaning there is a basic degree of trust in the fact that you're still alright?

I suspect this includes trusting men somehow. I'd say there, accept harm that has been done, but treat it like a wound that needs mending. Know the truth about people or a certain person, and navigate life accordingly. Trust your heart and your instinct and leave if needs be, if only to maintain trust in yourself in the face of risk. But don't close off your heart to the idea of a person you can more or less trust. If you are good then so are others, and this position, from a heart perspective, keeps you open and forward going xxxx

I hope this makes sense!

Google 'Attachment Theory' and 'Transactional Analysis' and childhood Trauma then seek out specific counselling.

Agree re looking at attachment theory - this changed the way I looked at things. After a long time I have learnt to trust - uphill battle but worth it. First thing I had to learn was that I could always trust myself. And then when I trust myself I know I can cope with whatever life throws at me which makes it less scary to trust - there is no guarantee someone will be worth your trust but if your starting point is that even if it turns out you can’t, you will be able to continue on with your life. As part of this i started to be fussier about who I let into my life and consequently began to trust the right people. Not sure how this all worked - therapy really helped and think it was the relationship I developed with the therapist over a long period of time. Learning to trust yourself and your ability to take care of yourself is the key though I reckon