Why am I feeling horribly guilty for spending my husband's money?

[WhenLifeGivesYouLemonsx]

This is very strange I know! But I've only ever been comfortable spending money that I've earned myself. However because of financial crisis, I am now having to use my husband's bank card to pay for things like childcare, the bills, grocery shopping etc. which I'd usually pay for and he would keep the money and put into his savings.

The only problem is I've got this guilty feeling eating at me for doing it! I have to use it today and I feel sick. He told me to stop being stupid because his money is my money and it is for the family (I know I am being silly!) I think I need to get some sense slapped into me lol.

He works so hard and he also works overtime and weekends, pays so much in NI and tax. I only work part time to give us a bit of disposable income but it only covers childcare and a couple of other bills.

In the nicest possible way get a grip! A lot of women, sadly, would love to have a husband who thought like this.
Would it help to write a list of all the unpaid jobs you do? Total up what you’d actually earn on a weekly basis if your DH had to pay for it.
You’re a team. Stop worrying.

Why on earth do you feel like you should be paying for everything?

If you were in the position of it being the other way round how would you feel ?

Same as you here, even to the point that I was crying over the fact my husband bought my two children xmas presents because I couldn't afford much. He told me I was bloody ridiculous, and said the same as your husband did about money. Maybe we just need to accept that we have normal husbands 😂

I know, I know! I am being absolutely bloody absurd. I need to nip it in the bud! He knows I am not the type of person who will spend it on a load of things we don't need. It is mainly for essentials only! So silly.

@gonzo77 and for once, they are right! Because us woman are never wrong are we haha.

@KMoKMo that's what I did and that is why he gave me his credit card so that I don't end up going into overdraft and paying bank charges. It was a good idea to do it otherwise I'd be paying almost £6 a day for being in overdraft!

Why isn't he responsible for all those bills in the first place?

@adaline I told him to leave it. It is completely my fault! He isn't to blame. When he saw how much was coming out my account I was going into negative balance, he was pissed off I didn't tell him I needed help

So you pay for everything while he fills up his savings? I can't see how this set up has ever been ok.

Course he was pissed off. You're a team!

Me and husband have seperate accounts and pay our own shit but it's still all our money. You need to try and get over this pointless stressing about it.

Maybe it would make you feel more comfortable if he just transferred you a lump over to your account. It wouldn't feel so weird then.

When I first started being a sahm I felt the same, so I did the majority of everything. I did the child care, housework, cooking and life admin. We agreed all money was family money and he never once quizzed me on what I did with it and encouraged me to treat myself (tiny treats, we were v skint!). I considered being a sahm/housewife my job.

Now I am back to work and we are worse off! As my job is part time but we pool all our money - its family money.

My dh has also taken on his fair share of jobs inc organising child care and wife work. He is amazing and that's what a grown up adult should do.

My mil asked me if I felt bad buying his bday present from his money and we both stated it was family money. In the future I am likely to be the higher earner and the same rules will apply.

I think I struggled originally as its a mindset thing, my mum got housekeeping and had no access to money when I was growing up but times have changed. Sounds like you have a good dh. Remember he can only work hard, do the overtime and advance his career because you are working as a team and picking up the other jobs he can't have time for.

My husband longs for the day my training is complete, I work full time and he works pt, does the additional child care and house stuff.

The obvious thing to do here is get a joint account. That way it isn't his card you are using.

But I don't understand why you're paying all those bills and getting into your overdraft each month while he builds up his savings?

He shouldn't only be helping you now you're struggling - bills in a marriage should be split so neither party is left worse off than the other!

Why do you operate like this? You are a family, he contributes more financially at the moment, presumably you are enabling him to work those hours by contributing more childcare. Why is he putting money into (personal?) savings whilst you struggle? The saving grace is he is obviously fairly happy to put his hand in his pocket, not begrudging you the money, but you still see it as 'his'. Set up a joint account for family bills that either you both pay your entire salary into or pay in a proportion of your salary to cover all the family expenses. We have equal "spending money" from the joint account to spend or save as we please on presents, clothes for ourselves etc. My DH earns significantly more than I do, I've been part time since having children. I could earn a lot more if I had a partner at home doing the bulk of the care. This works for us as a family - you need to value your contribution a lot more and sort out your financial set up to reflect that.

DH and I have seperate accounts and savings, ultimately it’s one pot. After the first few years there was a disparity in our income as I was medically retired, so adjustments were made. I don’t understand why he gets to make a much bigger savings pot. Because though in a divorce and I’m not suggesting your on that road everything gets split 50/50 what happens in the meantime if all savings are in his name and he makes a decision to do something with the money.

I don't get the issue with separate bank accounts as long as each party is contributing as per their agreement and the bills are paid. Mind my husband and I always talk to each other if we feel we'll be short.