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Original poster

Strange colleague - how do you suggest I deal with this?

70 replies

Tagnarsragingheart · 21/12/2018 17:50

I work in a large corporate company and I am relatively senior. We have a 21 year old graduate who has been with us a few months who came straight from oxbridge.

He has been showing a lot of “initiative” which occasionally borders on intrusiveness. Several times a day he requests to be part of senior management and client meetings which he would not qualify for. He also spends much of his time going from office to office and starting up conversations with members of the senior teams. I suppose he would call it networking, although it’s a bit precocious. I’ve witnessed a few of the conversations he initiate and they usually start with him asking for “advice” about something that he has perhaps picked up from an online bio of the person. Or an overheard conversation. or something he has heard they have an interest in. Eg, for another senior colleague it was Golf and another it was travelling in Indonesia. He occasionally gets it wrong but does not pick up the cues that he is along the wrong lines (focuses in on the wrong thing.) general consensus is that he’s very bright but a bit disingenuous.

Anyway, I heard a knock on my office door yesterday and turned round to find it was my turn, as he was standing there asking for “advice” about what to get his mum for a Christmas present! I was really busy but chatted with him for a while and gave him a few suggestions and tried to get him to leave. He then said that he had googled me and seen that I had once written a dating column in a local newspaper. This was over TEN years ago and is on a small bio from the newspaper about 20 pages deep into a search on my name in google.

He then told me he’d written to the newspaper to get archive copies of my columns. I said oh, they are really not worth reading, I’m actually much more interested in books these days. He said no, no he was going to get them and read them and if i’d been published then everyone in the office should know about it and celebrate me.

I then told him that I had no interest in everyone in the office, or him, seeing my old columns from over ten years ago. He winked, and left.

Maybe he thinks that I want everyone to see them but part of me feels he just wants to humiliate me. Yes, they are publicly available, but he is really having to hunt them down so it’s not like they are easily accessible.

He then sent me an email saying “so good to talk about your columns I’d love to continue the discussion soon.”

Any advice on a strongly worded email which makes it clear that I am not harbouring some secret desire for him to show my old columns to people at the company? Also an email that I can show I sent to express my wishes in case he goes ahead and I have to bring it up with HR.

OP posts:
Jack65 · 21/12/2018 19:41

He sounds aspergers and not reading social cues. The alternative is he is very arrogant. This should be dealt with in a nice way by his line manager advising him appropriately. I.e. do your job and stop pissing people off!

auntsarent · 21/12/2018 19:45

Cc in his line manager. Reply telling him that you understand he is only very junior, but it is not appropriate to google staff members or discuss non work related matters with senior colleagues.

Inkspellme · 21/12/2018 19:46

Only on mumsnet do you get so much mention of ASD as an explanation for behavior that someone doesn’t like.

Highginx · 21/12/2018 19:50

Hmm. It’s that bloody wink that gets me. Fuck off, Columbo.

sosickofthisshit · 21/12/2018 19:51

The problem is, is that some new graduates, have absolutely no idea how to behave in a business environment. I would bring it up with his line manager, as its his/her responsibility to deal with, and I'd also query why he seems to have so much time on his hands, to go around the office interrogating other, more senior colleagues

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 21/12/2018 19:56

We’ve had these super green keenies too. Speak to him once more and otherwise forward to his line manager and tell them this is inappropriate. He’s an adult he either knows he’s being a dick or he is so naive he thinks this is a good idea. Either way it needs tackling.

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 21/12/2018 19:57

This isn’t asd they are groomed by their posh schools and elite universities to be this entitled.

Honeybee79 · 21/12/2018 20:09

I had a trainee like this once (uk law firm). In the case of mine, it was an ill conceived attempt to impress and set himself apart, and an insane amount of confidence that far outstripped his abilities. He pissed everyone off.

Talk to his line manager and hr. Someone needs to speak to him about appropriate conduct in the workplace - not you op.

juliej00ls · 21/12/2018 20:10

He’s arrogant and unpleasant however he now needs to understand what happens when he plays with the big girls. I would call him back in and clarify your position and I would let HR know you were doing it and have someone present if needed. He’s a bullying dick and will progress to make lots of people’s a misery stamp on him firmly now so at least it’s not you he decides to bully. Cheeky bastard speaking to you in this way sending you that email.

LonelyandTiredandLow · 21/12/2018 20:22

Sounds like a nasty upstart. Wink was straight from an 80s police drama (boak). I'd email him back saying that whilst you are flattered he really is too young for you and his interest seems to have deviated from the professional into mild harassment. Perhaps if he has so much time on his hands the work he has been set hasn't been fulfilled in enough detail.

I'd also do some sterling about him in the kitchen to the other victims. Keep on the same page but keep it light.

LonelyandTiredandLow · 21/12/2018 20:23

Sterling was meant to be mild eye rolling

yorkshirepud44 · 21/12/2018 20:30

What Ida says. Manipulative and odd. It sounds like he's planning to try and humiliate you. Put him straight now. It made me uncomfortable just reading all this.
I'd also be expressing your concerns to his line manager if he doesn't immediately wind his neck in.

LadyLapsang · 21/12/2018 23:30

He needs putting back in his box. I wouldn't reply to his email. Arrange a meeting with his line manager and explain he needs to be managed (properly) and this totally inappropriate behaviour must stop straight away. Presumably he is still on probation, I would suggest it is extended.

Original poster
Tagnarsragingheart · 21/12/2018 23:34

Thank you so much for these replies.
His behaviour and attitude have really stumped me.
I think I am going to go for the patronising response.

OP posts:
XmasPostmanBos · 21/12/2018 23:35

Maybe you should Google him and see what you can dig up?

Frogletmamma · 21/12/2018 23:36

Can't you get him a load of photocopying to do. A3 to a5 booklets with staples. Something which may not even be possible and will jam the machine. Be inventive.

Original poster
Tagnarsragingheart · 21/12/2018 23:37

AND speak to his line manager

OP posts:
trojanpony · 22/12/2018 00:01

Reading your post I felt like I was reading about someone I manage - he's a precocious little fucker at times too.

You have my sympathy...
I wouldn't even address it myself. I'd speak to the line manager and fwd a copy... he needs a proper sit down and talking to about behaviour and expectations that is much bigger than digging up some articles you wrote.

TrippingTheVelvet · 22/12/2018 00:36

I would forward to HR saying you felt uncomfortable with his intrusiveness and get them to have a word. I'd also be pissed he asked the woman about shopping. He sounds like a little prick rather than ASD, but the above advice stands even if that is the case.

MyOtherProfile · 22/12/2018 00:42

Has anyone else commented on how weird he behaves?

umpteennamechanges · 22/12/2018 01:03

I started as a graduate at an MNC (though a while ago now!)....we had at least one guy on our intake that was like this.

It was horrifically cringeworthy. Our CEO had a Q&A board on the intranet page where staff could submit questions and he would answer them.

This guy would submit questions every month, usually along the lines of:

"Dear CEO's Name,

I found myself reading Sun Tzu's Art of War at the weekend, which I'm sure you're familiar with and wondered what your thoughts were on his statement that XYZ,

Best regards,

CreepyGraduate"

'Twas hilarious and cringeworthy in equal measure.

Anyway...in his case it was absolutely his idea of 'networking' and 'promoting himself'. He too would swan about asking odd things of senior managers and would attempt to 'banter' with them. I suspect the closing comments and wink from your own creepy entitled male graduate (they were always male) were an attempt at 'light banter' while lacking the emotional IQ to understand that one needs to build up a good relationship with someone first and totally lacking the awareness that he's basically strayed from 'networking' to 'stalking'.

Agree - words with a line manager pronto! Hopefully he has a strong line manager who will knock the edges off him...if not, then I'd put a word into whoever in HR runs the Grad scheme. It's better for all involved if someone gives him some firm guidance on the right and wrong ways to go about networking early on...

Bumbalaya · 22/12/2018 03:08

He sounds possibly autistic and unable to read social cues.

Oct18mummy · 22/12/2018 04:24

I would speak to the line manager - clearly he has too much time on his hands if he is spending all his time “networking” maybe he hasn’t been given enough tasks to do to keep him occupied.

On the researching of you- personally I would ignore him but keep records of anything he is saying or doing. I think if you email him or strike up conversation with him he will think you are bothered.

So weird! He clearly has no idea of office etiquette

CommanderDaisy · 22/12/2018 04:47

I'd go as far as saying he's reaching stalking levels and I'd tell him as much.
It's certainly an invasion of privacy when you have asked him to go no further .

MerdedeBrexit · 22/12/2018 05:17

I'm sorry, I am going off at a tangent here, as I have no experience of this kind of thing myself, never having worked for anything but small companies, so I have no useful suggestions to make to the OP. I was reminded of a thread I read on MN about the entitled whilst lazy attitude of student/graduate interns - people shared their experiences, some of which beggar belief in the current employment climate. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2703492-AIBU-to-want-to-push-this-intern-out-of-the-window