Date tonight...I’m already worrying if there’s a red flaf

[Datenerves01]

I go on dates a lot and always get asked out again. This is the first man I’ve been properly interested in for a long long time. We have spoken for the last two months (online dating). He’s just got back from a wort trip in Asia so this is the first opportunity we have had to meet. He’s not married, I’ve looked him up and I know someone who knows of him.

I’m terrified! Usually I would waltz in and not care really what happened. I usually only meet for a set time like an hour, with him we’ve just said we will meet for drinks.

I’m scared and on the brink of cancelling. Keep thinking of what could go wrong. He only ended a 5 year relationship in October! Is that a red flag?!

thanks jess!

i was hoping that the going off to asia for a few months meant he had taken control of dealing with it and moving forwards. maybe wishful thinking haha

Blimey this is intense. Just go. He might not be the one but he might have a mate who has a mate....

The trouble with MN is that everything here is seen as a red flag. If I'd followed every supposed red flag that people talk about on here I would not have had my previous relationship, which ended amicably or the lovely one I'm in now.
Often long term relationships die long before they actually end and it's possible to grieve and recover during that time. Of course be careful and go slowly due to his history but it's not a red flag.

It's all down to circumstances, when I ended a 5 year abusive relationship I had been emotionally checked out for a long time before (not implying his relationship was abusive in any way!) and would have been absolutely fine to meet someone new. I ended up with my male best friend who had been there all along but I didn't realise he could be my 'more' until later, but went on a few dates in between times.

its not intense...just a consideration! im not thinking hes the love of my life or anything! relax!

Did you go?

did you go? Was it a good first date?

Relationship ended in October and you've spoken for 2 months??? This is classic rebound territory I'm afraid to say.

You are right to be nervous. Be even more nervous if it goes well.

There is always the exception but I do recommend you properly read up on rebounds, fast forwarding and love bombing because I really wish someone had told me to. It would have saved me a lot heartache

It was nice! He asked to go out again next week.

He was resolute that the relationship with the ex was done. She’s living with someone else.

I got the impression I’m the first woman he’s interacted with romantically after hus ex though. Don’t want to be the rebound.

I'd be worried too. Feels too soon for him. And that you are his dating practice, whilst he dips his toes back in the water.

Five years together, ended with her cheating, finished in October, straight onto online dating and chatting to you.

He has not had the space any normal person would need to process his feelings, find himself again as an individual, move on from the past, and work out what he wants from his next relationship.

If you're just interested in something casual then fine, but I doubt he's in the right place to start anything long term with anyone.

Just saw your update. Glad it went well!

I'd be worried too about being the rebound though.

If it ended in October then that means you started speaking pretty much immediately?

I'm risk averse. I wouldn't get involved so soon. I find it odd anyone would even want another relationship within a few months of an old one ending.

Where in asia did he go for headspace? Im always a bit raised eyebrow about men who love solitary trips to thailand