In laws interfering in divorce and ruining relationships.

[MsLucyLastic]

Sorry, this is long to avoid drip feeding.

I have recently separated from DH. He has moved into his own flat. We have a DD (9).

The split is amicable as we love each other as family but not romantically. We have told both sides of the family that we don't want them to treat us any differently....my mum still views DH as her son, and DH and I are happy for that to continue.

DH spends time at the family home with DD and I. He comes for tea once a week, and is round tonight to put the Xmas tree up.

I am dating again. DH has met him and likes him. DH is dating again. I haven't met her but she sounds lovely. So all good.

BUT, DH's sister (my SIL) is repeatedly contacting mine and DH's mutual friend, asking if DH is alright. She thinks we are in denial about splitting up and need to spend less time together. DH has contacted her and put her straight, but she persists in doing it.

Friend has believed her and has since become very curt with me, refused invitations to things that both DH and I will be at, as he anticipates there being an "atmosphere" between DH and I.

MIL and SIL are also inviting DH and DD to things and excluding me. Despite DH telling them that this Xmas, we are doing everything together as we believe this is best for DD. DH said invite all of us or none. So we are now not going and doing our own thing.

MIL and SIL are constantly talking to every one except us about the split, blaming me for DH not contacting them enough, blaming my mum for inviting DH to things.

We may be strange in how amicable we are, but AIBU to expect the in laws to talk to DH rather than mutual friends if they want to know how he is? And to not blame me if DH doesn't contact them every day.

The stress they are causing is the only way in which our split has been stressful. But I am getting to a point where I can't see how I can have a good relationship with them due to their behaviour.

You're doing great, being fully grown adults and putting DD first.

Thanks Randonmess. I am so glad we split whilst there is still a lot of love, just so we can parent DD as a team still. She is our priority and always will be.

It must be so difficult to parent together if their is animosity. Those that manage it have my eternal respect.

There not their.......see, they are even affecting my grammar! Sheesh!

Oh I think you're doing the absolute best thing you can for your DD!
It sounds like she's perfectly at ease with the situation, and it sounds like you, your ex, and your new partners are all sharing in keeping her at ease with it.

Bloody well done to you!

I just hope they don't sour many more of our friendships.

I have to say that your friends need to take responsibility for their own behaviour,

If my friend’s MIL called me up and said nasty things about her I wouldn’t automatically believe it and start excluding her.

Your friend is pretty disappointing.

You and your DH and new partners sound pretty great though.

Oh, just for info, my DP has been my friend for a long time. DD knew a few months ago that he wanted to be my boyfriend, but he told DD that he wouldn't ask me on a date until DD felt it was ok. She phoned him a month or two ago and said he was now allowed to ask me out

Just in case anyone is worrying about DD having met my DP too quickly, I thought I should explain this. We wanted DD to feel some level of control over what was happening, hence DP telling her that he wouldn't ask me out until she said he could.

I hope that was the right thing to do. ExH thought so.

Thank you everyone for the well wishes. I am so touched by what you have all said. As long as DD gets through this without being messed up, that is all that matters.

I have to say, your DD sounds absolutely not messed up at all! Keep doing what you’re doing and

Thank you altiara, that's really kind. I hope you are right

Once dh has moved out properly and your split is official they will understand better.
It seems like you are both in limbo atm.
Have you decided how long this will last before you both move on independant of each other, except for co-parenting.
I can see how to others nothing seems to have changed.

@RomanyRoots DH has moved out. He moved into his own flat a few months ago. He has DD on Fri and Sat nights, I have her the rest of the time. And he comes for tea on Wednesday. Oh, he has lunch with us when he drops her off on Sunday sometimes too. That's it really.

We text each other and talk on the phone all the time. But that's just because we are both chatty and are good friends.