Bring made to choose 😔

[Moonie1970]

Hi ,
Advise on this matter would be appreciated.
My partner of 2 years hates with a passion my friend of 12 years.
Reason for his dislike are her not always having my back and on occasion screwing me over as he sees it .
Also I have mentioned to him things that have happened that cloud his judgment as in days gone by she has been single and enjoyed a vast amount of no strings fun .
Totally fine in my view and I’d never judge her for it .
Any time I arrange to see her my bf makes me life hell and basically forces me to choose by being verbally horrible about her and saying I’m not being loyal by picking her over him .
It’s a war he says as she’s hell bent on coming between us . Crazy thing to say as the insecurities and issues are his not hers or mine .
I’d never dream of telling him who he can and can’t see based on my opinion of them
In a bit shell if I go out with her before Xmas then I’ve ruined Xmas and made my choice
I will not be dictated to and said I’m going out and he should grow the hell up and stop acting like a child .
He can’t believe that given we’ve argued before about her why I’d agree to see her again and so close to Xmas .
Feel like I’m losing my mind as he’s very good st turning this around on me .
What should I do and is this relationship even worth continuing with if this is how it’s going to be going forward .

Whatever you decide about your friend, please don’t marry this man.

Your partner is your best mate and we generally tell best mates the worst things that we are dealing. So, if he is a bit protective, he may have a warped view of your friend.

If you otherwise feel you are getting enough out of the friendship with your friend, then I advise you stop confusing in your boyfriend about the stuff that gets on your tits about your friend - it clearly puts him in 'problem solving' mode rather than 'sound board mode'. Select what you tell him.

Some people are wired to solve problems and get fucked off if you don't follow their advice and then moan again about the same issue - even if the issue itself is minuscule in importance to you.

I retract my earlier (painstakingly typed post - wine!) he sounds like an arse and anyone troubled by anyone else's life experience - so long as it doesn't include harming others - is not to be trusted.

Do you live with him, it is easier to leave if you don't. It's good you can see how abusive he is.

Oh ultimatums. Love those. My way or the highway huh? I’m sure he’s super awesome but looking at the messages he’s sending you it sounds manipulative and controlling. Even IF your friend is the devil incarnate he has no right to treat you like this. If he’s making you pick and choose who you can or indeed can’t be friends with, what’s to say he can’t say when and where you go? What’s to say all your life shouldn’t be micromanaged?

It’s not a good sign at all. I think you’re better off finding a partner that’ll support you completely and let you, be you.

He is a controlling wanker. I'm fucking furious on your friends behalf. What a nerve to talk about someone who has done nothing to you as an "it".

Your friend can sleep with who she wants. What's it to do with him?

Have a good time with your friend and ditch the controlling, presumably sexist shite head.

Is she quite an independent type, self assured type?

One of my friends' exes spoke about strangling me once because he didn't like me. I suspect because I would stand up to him and he knew I wouldn't be polite about him to my friend. I wonder if he sees your friend as a barrier to him controlling you further.

We Don’t live together so it makes it a whole lot easier to walk away .
I’ll be fine I’ve been through worse oh and I’m 100% going to go out with said friend . I’ve cancelled so many times for him not anymore

Tell him to fuck off, block his number and go out with your friend. You dont need such a controlling wanker in your life.

Believe me. This is a massive red flag. And you know that.

Was he ever one of her flings do you think? Or perhaps he wishes he had been? It seems such a vitriolic reaction. I can’t imagine how you could move on from that, his whole tone is so sneery and aggressive.

Well your friend doesn't sound brilliant in regard to charging you for free things, lying and posting memes about you, but he sounds like a vile controlling prick so I know who is worse!

Honestly it sounds like you have some unhealthy relationships in your life and maybe you don't value yourself like you should.

You sound like you have your head totally screwed on with regards to this guy - good for you! He's a nasty prick, but you know that. Leave him in 2018 and enjoy being free of him.

I have to agree, though, that your friend sounds shit too. Not that he should try to prevent you from seeing her - you're a grown woman and it is none of his business - but she doesn't treat you well either and I hope you can see that. I'd drop someone for posting a meme about me let alone trying to charge me for a free event, she sounds like a pathetic loser.

I would suggest dropping these people from your life - they aren’t being nice or kind !!

Missed the awful treatment from friend in my post sorry!!

Oh, OP - he would have been so unfaithful to you. He gave himself away with the very things he's accusing your friend of.

You are much, much better off without him.

Even if your friend has slept with a million men...that's not his business.

He sounds hypocritical asking you to delete male friends and he has female friends. You've already ended a 6 year friendship because of him....I'm glad you have realised he's controlling.

He's also manipulative and nobody should marry him the way he behaves.

If he bought you an engagement ring....put it in an envelope and return it to him.

The way he calls your friend it and that creature is disgusting.

He doesn’t sound very bright!

I’d dump them both.

Any man who would christen a human being "it" because they have had multiple sexual partners is... I don't even know how to finish that sentence.

I'm glad you seem to have decided to walk away. If he did succeed in getting her out of your life there's every chance that hatred and resentment could be turned on you. I've lived it. I ended up instinctively staring at the ground any time a man walked past me because I knew how much grief I'd get if he thought I might have literally just glanced at another man.

Though it's not him or her. If she's a toxic friend consider dumping her too!

Wow. He really sent those messages!! I’d dump him ASAP. It’s controlling and he has huge issues. Huge big no on carrying on with this weirdo. How dare he?

He is controlling and thick.

"Nice how you can discard the one's that love you unconditionally" his 'love' is clearly conditional on you toing the line and doing as you're told.

Friends first, family next, pretty soon you would t need anyone but him because he "loves you" that much. Honestly, you can do soooo much better than this.

Also agree with pp re your friend. If she is toxic, I'd begin distancing myself from her too.

"I love you unconditionally - unless you do something I tell you not to do". Sounds like pretty massively conditional love to me!

Well spotted, and well dumped. Perhaps you can try to get back in touch with the friends you were forced to drop?

He sounds worse with every update. BLOCK HIM. Someone like that is impervious to reason, so don't waste your time 'explaining'. I'll say it again: BLOCK. On EVERYTHING.