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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my marriage over?

22 replies

Fatizo · 20/12/2018 14:02

I need your help. I feel lost and really lonely, sad and confused about this but there isn’t anybody in real life to talk to. My husband and I have been together for many years, we have kids together. I knew from the very beginning that we had issues, we were incompatible but didn’t want to give in and insisted on mending our marriage. I was very young and naive back then and my family were going to be ashamed of having a divorced daughter. They insisted I worked on it. His family never blessed our marriage and always looked down on me and he never did anything about it or to defend me. His excuse was that you can’t chose your family. We had many arguments because of them. We had out first child unplanned and a year on I fell pregnant again and he manipulated me to terminate it, wich I stupidly did and regretted ever since. He takes no responsibility for that whatsoever. Then as years went on I wanted a sibling for my child and he was dead against it, he said one child is fine. Anyhow, I insisted and eventually fell pregnant. When asked why he wasn’t keen on another he said because of what I became from my first pregnancy. I had postnatal depression. He is unfortunately devoid of empathy and finds it all too much to care for someone other than himself. He takes after his mum. But I always tried to focus on his “good” side and on the fact that we have kids together. My family constantly reminding me of how hard life would be for me as a single mother and how awful it would be for the kids. That unless he beats me up, it would be a selfish thing of me to do. It seems that every year just before Xmas holiday, we argue over the silliest of things. Two years ago we had a major “talk” and there was something he was gonna tell me but he felt if he did there would be no going back and he just remained silent and never told me it. I asked him if there was someone or if he was gay or had some sort of issue that we can discuss because he was so emotionally distant and overly sensitive, like he could not stand me. He made me feel so insecure and never complimented me. He was very critical and moaned about everything and shouted at the kids. One day I asked to be separated and he agreed to it and the very next morning my nan passed away and he came back home and we made up somehow. Now two years on, I still feel he does not love me at all. He does not care about me. He is not very nice with the kids and they are like a burden to him. He is not gentlemanly towards me and puts his needs first. He doesn’t help unless asked and when he does he plays the martyr. I am fed up and wonder if I should just pluck the courage and call it a day or what else should I do? He is not interested in sex with me and stays up late on his computer. God knows what he does. His phone is on silent all the time and always in his pocket. I feel nothing for him. Nothing. Even when I try to diffuse tension, he rejects my efforts, which makes me feel awful. What would you do?

OP posts:
MyBreadIsEggy · 20/12/2018 14:07

I would leave. Without a doubt.
Just because you have children with someone isn’t a reason to stay in a loveless marriage.
If I were in your situation, I’d like to think it would be better for the children to be parented by two happy adults who are no longer together, than to be parented by two adults who are miserable together.
Flowers

Getoffthetableplease · 20/12/2018 14:11

Oh you sound so sad. From what you have said there's no doubt in my mind you and your children would be happier if you left. I say this as someone who is really struggling with separation at the moment, so I really don't say it lightly. You can and deserve to be much happier

Santasushi · 20/12/2018 14:11

‘He’s not very nice with the kids’

That’s enough for me.
Don’t you want more for them? For you?

You are teaching them about relationships.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/12/2018 14:13

I would seek legal separation in terms of divorcing him and stuff what your family think about doing so. Its your life here that is being harmed, let alone your children's who see their dad's lack of love and care for you and in turn them. Your family of origin are not married to him and they have not had to live with him. They really did teach you a lot of damaging crap about relationships. I also think that life would be easier for you and your children if you did become a single mother.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. There is nothing in this for you at all is there?. You focussing on his "good side" has been a mistake throughout, he has really no good side. His lack of empathy is very much apparent in his mother as well, like mother like son.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning from the two of you?. Would you want this sort of relationship for them as adults, no you would not. Its not good enough for you either frankly. Staying for the sake of the children is rarely if ever a good idea and in your case a particularly bad one. They are NOT going to say, "thanks mum" to you for doing that and quite apart from calling you stupid for doing so they could also accuse you of putting him before them.

Fatizo · 20/12/2018 14:16

I meant he can be quite impatient with them, especially my daughter. He raises his voice with her over silly things and I have talked to him many many times about how he must not do that to her as it was wrong on so many levels but also could knock her confidence. She is very sensitive girl too.

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 20/12/2018 14:19

I'm so sad for you. You have tried to make this marriage work for long enough. It cannot be a good atmosphere for your children. Quite frankly, I could weep for you.

Do plan a legal separation but get your finances in place first. Never mind what parents say, they aren't living your life.

Flowers Good luck.

OliviaStabler · 20/12/2018 14:20

I'd leave. Stuff what your family say.

Life is too short to be as miserable as your life with him sounds Flowers

Zofloramummy · 20/12/2018 14:20

It sounds to me that you have tried because of what other people may think. But you can’t mend a relationship when only one person tries. Now you realise you no longer love or even like him. You share a house and finances but separate lives. That’s not a marriage. Doesn’t matter what other people think, you need to do what is right for you. Also this is modelling a dysfunctional relationship for your children. That won’t do them any favours

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/12/2018 14:22

Make no mistake Fatizo, he is already knocking her confidence down in not too dissimilar ways as to how yours over the years has been decimated further by him. He is verbally abusing her too. Staying with him shows her and your children that his treatment of you, and in turn them, is still acceptable to you on some level. He does not care about any of you, all this person cares about is his own self.

Adora10 · 20/12/2018 14:23

He raises his voice with her over silly things

She is very sensitive girl too.

How bad does he have to get OP, it's low level abuse towards your child, abuse is abuse; no wonder she is a nervous wreck having to live with that shit, as well as watch him treat you like utter shit, please do the right thing, you get one kick at life, this sounds utterly horrendous.

And stop listening to everyone else who doesn't have to walk in your shoes.

Fatizo · 20/12/2018 14:27

I had thought about separating many times but I just don’t think I’ve had te courage to do that. I have had many worries, like we have to sell the house, will I have enough money for the kids, childcare, will they miss out on a father like I did growing up? I remember I always felt the kids who had a father, present, were the luckiest, unlike me with my mum struggling to look after us. It’s almost the only reason I have stayed with him. That and the fact that he does provide for us, and I only work part time. This would be his main “good side” if I am brutally honest. Am I a bad person for thinking like that? I feel scared just thinking of how te future will change for us. I keep hoping that it’s just me, I am expecting a perfect husband, which will not materialise. That I am not being realistic and that all husbands have flaws. That I should just “fix” things but I can’t get over the lack of love and care. When we argue he makes it clear that he loves the kids, and they are his priority. So basically I am not included in his priority or love.

OP posts:
BlueJay1 · 20/12/2018 14:36

I would run for the hills love.

Without a shadow of a doubt, from what you have said, you should certainly go your separate ways. You don't feel anything for him, so life can't be worse without him. Have hope for a better future for yourself and the children. You will make it work for yourself.

Adora10 · 20/12/2018 14:39

You are completely wrong, the only thing they will miss out on is enduing a man that is abusive, nasty and treats their mother like shit; you are kidding yourself if you think they are having the ideal family set up, they are not, you don't need two parents, and you certainly don't need one like him!

Listen to yourself, you think you are doing well with a person that hates you, don't stay for financial reasons, get legal advice and tell him you want to separate as from the New Year; he won't change, he doesn't like you, you are staying for what, to be tortured but at least he pays the bills, Jesus woman, sorry to be harsh but honestly you are so much better than this.

Fatizo · 20/12/2018 14:41

oh My god reading your comments I feel I have been so blind and stupid all these years. I think I kept on insisting on finding ways not to “fail” at this like my parents did. Like I didn’t want history to repeat itself and I could have possibly blamed myself for things. When I was really depressed, I remember feeling so guilty that I was being a burden on the family and wasn’t doing my job as a wife and mum properly. I worked on that, still work in progress, but now I feel I have tried my hardest for a long time but it just hasn’t made a huge difference. This keeps resurfacing. Last night I told him to try to be nice as we will have a week off together and it’s time of year to be merry, that he shouldn’t spoil it for the kids. He kept saying there was nothing wrong with him or his mood. He made me walk in the rain looking for his car, when he could have offered to come and get me from the shop I was at. And stupidly I did go in the rain looking for his car, and phoned him again and eventually found him and when I said he could have just easily drove to me instead of me running in the parking lot in the dark, he said I should have asked. Like what? Firstly, why did I not ask him, like I didn’t value myself? And why didn’t he think to do that? He clearly doesn’t care.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/12/2018 14:45

Your boundaries in relationships are far too low and this is also partly as a result of what you yourself learnt about relationships when you were growing up. You married this person despite your real misgivings re compatibility probably because of pressure from family.

A person cannot act as a rescuer or saviour in any relationship and you cannot fix what is really unfixable here. He does not want your help or support.

Your worries are really based on supposition; not fact. Your H may be a male presence in your home but he is really no father to them nor husband to you. The fact that he has provided money really does count for sod all in the great scheme of things and you cannot use that as a reason to stay in this awful marriage. All this man really does care about is his own self (like his mother who is the self same), you and his children mean nothing to him. His priority is him and he alone.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/12/2018 14:49

I would think too that he will make the whole process of separation and divorce from him as difficult as possible. This is because he will want to punish you further for having the gall in his eyes to actually leave him. However, the freedom from this pitiful existence for you and your children here would be worth it.

Fatizo · 20/12/2018 14:55

I agree. He will make it as hard as possible. This is another reason I have not dared and he can take the kids to his country and they won’t be allowed out without his permission cos they are minors. This thought really terrifies me. I make sure I m always with them cos I have had this thought on my mind for a couple of years now. The legal system back home offers no protection for the wife. I am really scared because I think I will have to bite the bullet and deal with the nastiness that will come my way.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/12/2018 15:00

I presume you are now in the UK and so are UK based. Where is his home country; are we talking Middle East here?.

You need legal advice asap. Please seek this asap re your children as well. They need you as their mother.

Fatizo · 20/12/2018 15:54

Yeah we’re UK based and you guessed it right about him. We married over there. Here in the UK there is nothing to document our marriage. I definitely need legal advice ASAP. I need to know what I am up against. I am really scared. He is very intelligent and the annoying thing everyone thinks he is absolutely wonderful. I am yet to know someone who doesn’t like him. My family thinks he is amazing, which is why I have hesitated all these years. I felt like it was just something that could be fixed but the longer I have left it the more strongly I felt about it, like I have fixed nothing and all this has done to me is give me low self esteem and now my daughter is old enough I worry about her getting the wrong ideas about relationships and getting her confidence knocked. I have tried my best to shelter the kids and pretend we were a happy family but I don’t think I can fool them any longer. My daughter asked me last night about the loud voices she could hear from upstairs and I felt sad telling her it was her dad and I simply talking. Somehow he immediately feels critiqued and starts raising his voice, like he has something bottled in, some frustration that he airs at any occasion. All I was trying to tell him was that he could have spared me getting wet earlier that night by picking me up from outside the shop. Apparently I was blaming him for getting wet, apparently I should have either listened carefully to where he was parked or asked for him to come to me, since I didn’t want to get wet. And I am like, seriously? Is he listening to himself? How selfish! And I felt disappointed with myself, as to how much low self esteem I had got to not even ask and just run like an idiot in the rain trying to find him. Then I thought I was just makin* a big deal out of it but now I think no, that simple event reflects how much he doesn’t care anymore, how self absorbed and how much of a big ego he had. Two nights before, he moaned about dinner being late, then refused to join us at dinner. He went to watch football then ate alone. He was about to do it last night too but I asked him to just sit with us, I didn’t want the kids to be affected.... but I could tell it is just a matter of time.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 20/12/2018 16:00

Feel so sorry for you OP, it sounds so depressing, you sound so lovely and you deserve a nice life with a nice partner; thing is he will get worse as he gets older not better.

I think you do have a big slog ahead of you, where are you family and friends, and please stop listening to outsiders, tell your family how mean he is to you and the kids, they might not think the sun shines out his arse then if they knew the truth about him.

He does it because he can and he's probably quite an unhappy person and you are ideal for him to take his nastiness out on; after all, you are still there; give it up honestly, do you not think you'd be happier, it sounds like you'd be a million times happier and stress free, so what if you have less money, that can be improved on, he can't.

Fatizo · 20/12/2018 18:33

Adora10, thanks for your kind words. My family live very far and won’t understand where I am coming from. I have tried talking to them the way I am to you guys but they seem to have very low expectations of marriage. My mum and sister tell me at least he doesn’t beat you up, he is not an alcoholic or a gambler and does provide, you should be pleased and grateful. They make my blood boil when they dismiss my own expectations of my own marriage, so it’s just very frustrating discuss this matter with them. As for my friends, they live in London and have busy lives. Although we keep in touch, I think we ve all drifted apart. My local friends are nice but somehow I don’t feel comfortable enough opening up about our marriage, which from the outside seems fine. I agree he will only get worse. He is unhappy indeed. When I first met him, my motto was life is beautiful and I remember him telling me that he envies my positivity. Ok, I was very young and very naive back then. He seemed nice and interested in my and the big bonus was that my parents aproved of him. He proposed too early and I was stupid and romantic and said yes. Soon after the wedding, I regretted my decision. I felt maybe he is not had a good childhood, judging by his family’s behaviour . I wanted to help him heal and be happy. I know it sounds cheesy but I thought I could fix him and he will be the one. That those things were to be expected. Fast forward many years and a couple of kids, and I feel exhausted and unloved. I feel so sad and stupid. I don’t think there is any hope really. I just need to gather strength and go ahead with it.

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 20/12/2018 19:56

@fatizo i really feel for you. He's sucking the life out of you, and is too self absorbed to even notice or care Sad

There is no shame at all in wanting to help people, you sound like a kindhearted woman.

What it boils down to is that it's not your family having to live with it day to day, and although you're worried about upsetting them their opinions are irrelevant.

Other people don't get to set your expectations or tell you how you should feel.....

Having a companion who cherishes you and respects you is a MINIMUM requirement. He is neither loving nor respectful.

Read the does anyone else love being a single mum thread; being a single mum can be tough not going to lie, but it's a breeze compared to this...

Be sure to seek legal advice, hes obviously very manipulative.

Flowers
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