I want to be a hard, why can't I?

[OrigamiZoo]

After a terrible year personally I've had some fallings out with family who have been unsupportive and have left me out of family events. I have been left very hurt.

I got a text today from a family member who had been part of the family event , which I was shunned from, whom I'd confided in personally and has not been supportive. I have supported this family member through so much, have disengaged from friendships to take their side, have been a rock for them. They have not been a rock for me.

The text was in the vibe of 'How are things, what are you up to for Christmas?' Above this text they could see my most recent heartbroken text, just asking somebody to be there for me, ignored, unanswered and dated in September. There are other messages and calls left unanswered from family member.

There is a long standing history of this kind of excange with this family member and others.

I know I've taken so much shit and been treated like trash and have condoned, forgiven but I can't this time, something must change and if not them, it has to be me. I'm the family scapegoat, but not any more.

I wat to ignore, as I have been ignored. I find it really difficult as I also want to be liked and loved.

Problem is, the family member has children I love so I want to see them and for my children to see them. They seem to be able to ignore me for months when I've needed them .

Advice, please?

Maybe it really is time to cut ties if it's all give and no take? If you've had no contact since September, why is she contacting you now, is it possible she feels guilty? Maybe msg back asking if the kids could get together over Xmas but leave any personal feelings of your own out, i.e. make it clear it's just about the kids.

Just ignore. No sense being hurt again. I understand you want to see the kids but how likely is that going to happen when she regularly blanks you and haven't heard a peep from her in months?

Cut ties. It's a pity about the children, but that's really not as important as you learning to set and enforce boundaries with toxic family members.

Thanks for the replies.

I've reduced contact with two family members but finding it really hard with this other one as it is my twin. I think he feels guilty. Or assumed I'd be in contact like normal but I realised they weren't the person I thought they were when they didn't have my back and had to withdraw.

That is a good point about setting boundaries @astoundedgoat , I've been terrible about that in the past.

The more amenable you are, the more certain types will take advantage. Best way for your own mental health, is to set firm boundaries and rely on yourself not others.

If your kids get close(r) to their kids, you expose your children to a continuation of this cycle - getting close then being rejected. Maybe that thought will also strengthen your resolve?