Help

[Lobster84]

Just wondering if anyone has gone though the whole break up thing with a abusive ex.. But I miss him so much I can’t stop thinking about him every minute of the day it’s been 9 weeks since I actually physically seen him and only two weeks since I last spoke to him, it got very ugly between us the things he did and said to me are unforgivable. He moved to a different town but would still phone and say he loved me all the rest of it one minute then the next call me a freak and strange..the excuse was I phoned to much or I was constantly on his back, I did accuse him of cheating on me quite a lot but it was only because he stopped showing me or even trying to love me, my heads all over the place I have tryed to keep busy with Christmas coming up but I still cry everyday am still wondering if he’s thinking of me etc,he’s been caught by the police and now is in jail i don’t no where I don’t no why but I know he will be blaming me, he blamed me for the relationship break down he blamed me for well actually everything that went wrong not just him his whole family aswell they don’t like me they think I’ve manged to do everything that’s happened on my own... I have a child with this man,I can’t get my head around the fact he hasn’t tryed to get in contact, partly am thinking over the child but a big part am really pineing for him. I just can’t seem to focus on anything 😭

Hello im sorry your feeling awful but the reality is you are pining for an abusive man who has done unforgiveable things, calls you a freak, doesnt care about your child and is now in jail? You have to break this habit of wanting him. Theres a good book by paul mckenna called how to heal a broken heart (or a similar name) where one of the exercises is to think in your mind about happy times with him then make them fade in colour and size in your mind. With bad menories intensify them so you associate him with the bad times. Recognise hes a bad habit you need to break-. Repeat the exercises and you will change your feelings. Focus on your child, keep busy and find someone new in time when you are ready.

And good luck. And remember that a relationship should enrich your life. Otherwise whats the point?

You've just got to keep thinking this thought... If he really cared he would get in contact. End of. He knows your number, he knows where you live, so even if he couldn't ring, I'm sure he could write to you. Him not being in contact is doing you a favour. You've said yourself he's an abusive man, so why do you want to be with him? What are you getting out of that relationship? Do thr highs cancel out the lows? Not only that, but you have a child, do you want your child to grow up thinking that's what a normal relationship is? Instead of thinking about him, put all your energy into yourself and your child, a child doesnt need a perfect mum but they need a happy one x

Hiya thanks for the reply’s, everyone around me has said I need to forget him and focus on myself I honestly don’t no why I can’t shake him of at first when the relationship started he was so sweet to me loved me like no other then I started to see little things,we started fighting a lot I was always left to pick up the pieces would always allow him back I took him back eveytime... he’s the one that actually left this time to another town am so angry with myself for how I let him treat me because it’s basically when he was done he was done never when I was.. feel like I’ve got so much to say to him but I know that will get me nowhere. Am so hurt by him and his actions I feel so stupid because of how low I been feeling over him when I no in reality he doesn’t give a toss x 😢

I suggest you do the Freedom Program, you can do it online or you might find they do classes in your area. It will help you get through the stage you're in and move on with your life understanding that you deserve far better than the relationship you had with him and the abuse he copped from him.
Also read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, it will help you see his behaviour for what it is and change how you think about him.
Good luck OP, I know it can be hard to break the habit of being with an abuser, but like breaking any habit that is bad for you, you will be thankful (and so will your DC) that you pushed through and stayed away from him.

Today’s been hard I’ve cryed most of the day just thinking of him even tryed to find out what he’s in jail for I don’t no why I keep beating myself up over him... anyway his family the ones who think I’ve managed to cause all this trouble have tryed to bring my child Christmas presents today off him .. I refused them not being selfish but for the fact it would be down the line (but you still took them) does anyone think i have done the wrong thing am so hurt by this man his words his actions I’ve never had my heart broken like this I put on a smile but inside I am dien 😢

I knew he had these things a while back but it was ooo well I’ll give them to someone else eveytime we argued.. it was always why do you take if your still on my back off him all the time