Is my husband making me lose my mind?

[babywishes03]

Hi,

This is my first post and just wanted to say thank you in advance for reading this.

My relationship with my husband has been quite volatile for a few years now (married 7). We fight and I am beginning to think is it all my fault that he treats me the way he does.

This morning he left to go to work, I was in bed about to get up in like 10 minutes to get ready for work. He left the house and called me a few minutes later asking if I could run him out something and I said "oh really? can't you just come in and grab it?" I was getting ready and about to jump in the shower (he thought i was still in bed).

Well then he came inside the house and called me a 'stupid fat cunt' and 'an ugly bitch' multiple times. He asked me if i had looked in the mirror recently because i was disgusting. (I have put on a few kg but i can still fit into a size 12 - so I am not obese). He would not stop. He said this all in front of our 4 year old child who could hear everything as he was in our bed watching tv.

He told me that I wasn't a normal wife because I dint run the item out to him and hung up on me when I called later that morning.

Was I wrong or did he overreact? I'm beginning to question my own sense of judgment around him. This is by far the least of our arguments, but it always involves him repeatedly calling me disgusting names. I cant leave him, because I couldn't bear to share custody of our child. Our child is my whole world. My question is, how to I get him to understand that he cant call me these names, that he is utterly and completely destroying what is left of my love for him?

If your 4 yr old was 20/30/40/50 and told you they were experiencing what you just wrote what would you say to them?

Call women's aid

He's disgusting. You and your child should get rid of him asap. What kind of man talks to his wife like that?

You can’t change someone.

Do you want your child to grow up thinking that is normal? To think the best they can expect is abuse? It sound s like staying with him will harm your child.

This is shocking and disgraceful behaviour. I think this is a marriage not worth continuing im sorry to say.

@babywishes03, he is being abusive towards you. You won't change him and I doubt he would change long-term even if he agrees to counselling/anger management. If he can get that angry and unpleasant over something so small then I doubt he will be able to stop long-term.

I was married to a man who was verbally abusive (and passive aggressive at times as well - he alternated!) I spent a long time, torn between the fact that I was very unhappy but then the thought of splitting up the family and not seeing my children (both young at the time) for some of the time was an unbeatable thought.

However - I look back now and cannot believe I stayed for as long as I did. The children do stay with him two or three nights a week but it's intense when they're with me and we still do loads of things together. I have to be honest - I feel guilty for letting them witness the horrendous rows me and him had. They were there a lot of the time when he shouted and called me every name he could think of and they saw me cry loads of times. I wish I'd left him sooner but I cannot tell you how relieved I am that I finally did. Honestly, the thought of being in that relationship for the rest of my life was insufferable. I still get angry and abusive emails from him sometimes if we don't agree on something childcare-telated. BUT I can switch my phone off. I can lock my front door. And I don't have to have his angry face shouting and ridiculing me anymore. That feeling is fantastic!

I really hope you decide to get rid of him because if you dont, he will erode your confidence. I'm sorry to be so blunt but I genuinely think your child will be happier if you live in seperate houses rather than having to listen to his dad bully you. You will get plenty of support on here. It was Mumsnet that made me finally realise what my ex was. Good luck and be strong x

Revolting piece of shit.

No, not normal. Abusive

Do you want your son to grow up thinking that this is the way to treat women?

Please contact Women's Aid. I'm sure someone will put up a link for you.

Vile man. You know he's in the wrong. You know he won't change. One day you'll have the courage to leave- I know it can be daunting. Do you want your child to grow up thinking this is what real relationships are like?

You can’t ‘make’ him do shit but for the sake of your child, you must stop accepting his.

This is who he is, selfish, entitled end abusive. There isn’t a better him waiting in the wings, you are ultimately responsible for your self esteem, staying in a relationship with someone who is hell bent on destroying it, isn’t healthy.

It isn’t your fault for his terrible behaviour.

what kind of man speaks to his wife like that?

What kind of person speaks to another person like that?

If a friend said this to you what would you think? How is it ever ok that the person who should cherish and respect you most speak to you this way?

Not criticising you for asking, just trying to get you to think of it another way and not question if it's reasonable.

You can't change him.
You can leave him.

His behaviour was absolutely awful. That's no way to speak to anybody at any time, especially not your wife, especially not in hearing distance of a child.

He told me that I wasn't a normal wife because I dint run the item out to him and hung up on me when I called later that morning.

Well, there are many perfectly normal wives on here and in real life that would have told him what they thought of his charming remarks!!!!!

As another poster said you can't change him, you can leave him.

So let me get this straight, you would rather your kid hears all this abuse and has to live with all this abuse on a daily basis, than share custody??

Really????

For gods sake think of your child's mental health.