Feel a bit sick

[Littlepanic]

I've been married 25 years and never had any cause to suspect DH has been anything other than honest.
He works mostly in London during the week while I'm at home, also working, in the country.

We normally catch up by phone at night but have a family whatsapp with our student DCs. Today DD who is abroad, was having a minor drama and DS and I were trying to reassure her (by WhatsApp). DH would normally chip in but there were no comments from him so I assumed he was busy with work.

At 3pm I texted him, got no response so thought I'd see where he was on Find Friends. He knows I have this because he flies quite a lot and like to know when he's landed etc although I rarely use it and he could have forgotten.

Anyway turns out he's in some boutique city hotel. I didn't think anything was odd, he goes to lots of lunches at this time of year.
He's just texted to say he's had a frantic day at work and is now off to Fancy Boutique hotel for drinks and supper.

I feel so upset that he's lied, sure he's just had a boozy lunch that lead on but feel distraught.
Am I being irrational? I've got to trust him 100%, he's away so much.

Happy to be told not to be ridiculous.

Does he often go there for supper?

Never been before as far as I'm aware but does go out a lot.

It’s a tough one

It sounds as if he went to the hotel earlier than he told you. For example he got there at 3 but he’s making it seem as if he’s only going there now he’s finished work

Do you ever moan or nag him about going out or drinking etc? Do you prefer him not to socialise after work? Is there any reason why he could’ve ‘lied’ to avoid an argument?

If not I’m baffled as to why he’s not been completely honest

So he's there earlier than he said he was? Why lie? I'd be checking the bank account for transactions and doing a bit more digging/fact finding because I'm on MN and you see this a lot, you've been married a long time (MLC) and he thinks you trust him

No Kenny, I never moan about stuff like that. It's mostly drinks with work folk, not friends and part of the job.

Could you perhaps have misunderstood his message OP? Can it be read that the lunchtime do has morphed into an evening do?

I've just checked our joint credit card and there's nothing on there but he often uses the company CC.

All my texts seem to take an age to actually arrive. Perhaps there was a delay?

Well if that happened to me I would have instantly said are your pants on fire. I would have assumed the white lie to cover for being out to lunch and made a joke. You said you think this and trust him.

Why are suspicious and sick? Why not ask him.

I will ask him but he's not home until Friday night and the DC will be arriving too.
I really don't believe he's having an affair but I'm shocked he's been lying, then I wonder if he's lied before.

I’ve never used that tracker thing but I’ve seen a lot of posts on here saying it isn’t always accurate on location, not sure about times. Is his work close to the hotel?

Try not to build up scenarios in your head, until you’ve had a chance to get some clarity. Can you hold out until you next see him to ask about it (rather than texting/calling)?

I don't know if it applies in his case - but it does sometimes happen to me. I can have a frantic day with work - but be in a hotel room. If I am travelling for business but need to catch up on a lot of office work then I would be in that situation.

That's spot on boring, I've got some ridiculous scenarios going on.
I read Relationships on here and thank my lucky stars I've got a decent one when maybe I haven't.

I’m always baffled by these threads

Married 25 years!! What could be a fib and something serious or could be crossed wires or just entirely innocent - and yet rather than talk to him you post a thread for a bunch of strangers to comment on.

25 years! Talk to him!

I completely get it. I’ve managed to come up with some ridiculous (and unrealistic!) scenarios in the past, when something has felt just a smidge ‘off’

I do hope it’s a misunderstanding of some sort, OP 💐

It could well be that the location is a bit off - I always have issues with Uber, Prime Now, Deliveroo etc as well as Google maps (the thing where it asks you to review places). I live in the centre of a city - my phone GPS frequently reports that I'm a) in a coffee shop, b) in a whisky bar or c) in Sainsbury when I am sitting at home. Sainsbury and the coffee shop are a couple of hundred feet away - and I have never even found the whisky bar!

If it's a city centre, it's entirely likely/possible that the same thing is happening - and quite likely, surely, that that particular hotel was picked for drinks/dinner as it was close to where he was during the day?

The Relationships threads are invaluable and incredibly interesting, but OP you do need to keep a tight grip and not get carried away because it feels like things are 'often' wrong - the sample here is skewed. By all means wait until he is home, but the only thing to do is to talk to him. Waiting until Friday night to do so is hard though, so

Could he have been to said hotel to drop off presents or a cake for somebody?? Where is he meant to be sleeping tonight?

Boozy lunch but he felt guilty for missing the family messages so told a white lie (lunch could have been a work thing)?

If it helps I got caught out when I switched on location thingy by mistake. Said I was at work but my location flashed up the gym. I mean I was working and I was busy but I did a session at gym during lunch. DP thought it hilarious and now asks if I am “working” with an eye roll all the time.