Is this more abuse? Please help!

[Mango88]

Brief history (prev thread) - I believe H has been mentally & emotionally abusing me for years. Finally confronted it although I called it outbursts & bullying (too scared to name it to him & doubting myself). He agreed to go to counselling which he refused to say anything about other than it’s made him see he’s not the monster I paint him to be & what he knows what he needs in a relationship! I brought up how things wouldn’t slip back to past behaviour if he couldn’t see what he was doing & he went mad. Said there’s no way forward if constantly bringing up the past & he wants to look forward. We’re trying to get through Xmas for DDs but he keeps saying I need to detail what exactly he’s done & when & what exactly I want from him. I’ve already given him a few examples but he keeps on & then says he struggles to see the person I describe. He is so cold & formal in all this btw. There’s little emotion. The weight is falling off me with stress & I can’t sleep. Is this s continuation of the abuse? My head is spinning. I feel strong some days & like I’m going to have a breakdown the next. Would really appreciate some opinions but pls be kind in your honesty. Pathetic I know.

Did you go to counselling together or separately?

Counselling with an abuser is not recommended as they will find any part of it to use against you and many counsellors are not able to deal with it.

Yes it is more abuse.

He won't change.

All you can change is you. Get out of this relationship sooner rather than later.

Surprised the Counsellor saw you both together as stated above.
I really think you should consider a new and confident future away from him

We saw a counsellor jointly for one session where she said it kept looping back to him. So he agreed to go for individual counselling. I feel like he’s totally manipulated the counsellor!

You may want to record some of your conversations with DH. My partner was sometimes quite stern to DS, when he was maybe 3. Was annoyed when I intervened or brought it up. One day he recorded a video, and on it he scolded DS for something. Upon rewatching it, he said he hadn‘t been aware how he came across. Much more mindful ever since (DS is 8 now).
Of course, if your DH is seriously abusive, he might be deaf to the issue, and might even hold the recording against you. ( recording might also help you to analyze and change your own communication patterns, stand your ground in discussions, whatever... you wouldn‘t even have to show him for that.).