We have a very difficult home life due to a number of reasons, part of them being our Aspergers son and the stress his meltdowns cause.
For the past two years I've had to sleep in a different bed as our son insists on sleeping in our room which means I haven't had any intimacy with my partner for a long long time.
Last weekend I got very jealous when she got back from her work do and one of her fishnet hold ups was ripped. I looked in her bag and noticed that she had another pair of fishnet tights in there, which I imagined must be backup for any accidents.
I then quizzed her about male colleagues as on some images they looked very flirty but this was the Christmas do....We had a discussion the next day in the car where she got angry at me for 'snooping' through the glove box and explained that she has no interest in her work colleagues, that they're happily married and she's not interested.
Our relationship has been difficult for years - with a lot of bickering because of the stress and I'd previously accused another colleague of her's of trying it on as I found flirty texts - one of which was around a work weekend away where she was suggesting they share a room. She claimed this was innocent as she sees him like a brother and was insulted I would think otherwise....so there has always been tensions around work coleagues......to the point that she changed all her passwords on facebook and on her phone a few years ago. (She never leaves her phone unattended).
Anyway, we had a big discussion where I explained that I don't want to lose her, that I'll work hard to make our relationship work. That a lot of stress was created by me leaving too much of the childcare and morning preparation to her and me taking her for granted.
I text her messages praising her, told her how much I love her (she never replied to say she loved me) and I'm trying to make things better.
The jealousy doesn't go away though....so I sneaked a look through her work phone which wasn't locked - and had messages on from the christmas party weekend as she had broken her usual phone.
I found 7 calls on the evening of the party to one of her colleagues - and a text telling him she wanted him to stay out. She also text him when she got back (when she went to the bathroom) to text that she wished the night was different and that he should have stayed out.
I also found a text to someone listed as a Dr (she works in the medical profession) the morning after the party where she said...
'Morning Baby, you never text me back yesterday :( xxx'
(my partner is never that friendly in her texts or uses the word Baby)
I found a voicemail from this 'Dr' on her phone from a few months ago in which he left a voicemail calling her 'Babes' and saying that he was waiting for her.
This 'Dr' is someone who worked in her previous team so there may be something innocent there, he might be gay hence her use of the word Baby. I just don't know...
At the moment I'm confused as hell, I'm consumed by jealousy and don't know how to approach her.
We have two children together and have just moved house 6 months ago and there has been a lot of anger towards me over very trivial things, which I'm feeling is due to a number of factors.
Any advice anyone can give me would be much appreciated!!