Wobbling after leaving from DV, those 4 am worries

[Elliebellybum]

Do, I left after a DV incident in front of the kids, not the first incident ever, but the worst.

Nothing. Not one thing has gone in my favour, from buying and insuring a car (had been on his insurance) to actually finding a place to live.

Christmas fucked for the kids (they are young) we can’t even get up any Decs as we need to go to my mums end of the week.

I was a SAHM and we are living on savings.

DH has become the model husband, all the things I wanted in the last three odd years, he’s now doing, texts, trying to be super dad, trying to win me back etc and I’m starting a lot to feel like I’m the one being difficult about it all.

Rents round here are @£1400 plus bills. HB is a max of £1000 what if I’m getting massively in over my head with money? I will need income support while I sort myself out (youngest is 3) but what if they start trying to force me into jobs that don’t fit round school and then start stopping the money?

I don’t know if I even want a divorce, but if I don’t I should go back home really, but I’ve so many things on my shoulders I can’t even think about that battle right now.

I’m up at 4am everyday just worrying about what to do for the best. Every option I look at just seems to be covered in shit.

We had a little break booked for a few days after Xmas. He’s pushing for us all to go “for the kids” I don’t think it’s a good idea at all, but the kids are so upset we can’t go and again, it’s only me sitting saying “no” to this.

I asked for space, but he’s chipping away and chipping away at me until I actually feel unreasonable!!

I can only stay with my mum over Christmas, then we are back to this let. Where we are there are no cheaper areas unfortunately and this ties in with my eldest senior school application having gone in.
I’m not going to muck her life up anymore than I am.

I’m the meantime I think I will need to go on Income support. I do work, but self employed and not 16 hours and I can’t just up that without advertising and taking more customers in which takes time.

I’ve applied for a couple of 16 hour school jobs so I hope it would be temporary anyway, and on entitled to.com it actually seems to be pretty much the same amount as my WTC etc.

And no one will rent to me regardless of what I’m doing!

I have applied to the council for social housing and am getting to see if I could get HB to stay in this let for a few months if need be.

Pissed off today. He could move out so easily and ease this shit up off me

Don't mean to be harsh on you but you can't go back to him no matter how shit things are; you know that, and leaving again will become impossible so stay as you are!

He won't move out because he's hoping you will crumble and go back and he can start his cycle of abuse towards you and his children all over again, I would strongly advice you getting in touch with WA for advice and CAB in way of benefits and help; he also has to provide maintenance but no doubt will shirk that, he clearly doesn't give a stuff about up rooting his own children, utter bastard, remember that and remember the abuse even if he will completely under play it.

This is the hard bit when you've got loads of practical things to do but meanwhile you've just been assaulted and you've got the kids to consider and it's all rather a lot to deal with. Remember this is all his fault. Stay pissed off. Get angry.

You're doing great. You're dealing with things and not burying them which is probably what your ex wants you to do. Forget about what happened and move on etc. You absolutely can break this cycle now. Carry on as you are. Keep reminding yourself of what's he's done because he will be trying to minimise and it will be tempting to start believing it. A fight gone wrong feels more palatable than DV but they're the same thing.

He could move out so easily and ease this shit up off me
But he chooses to keep punishing you because he is abusive.
He has not changed a teeny tiny bit.
At least now you know you definitely did the right thing.
Stay strong.