I saw him and he was wearing what I bought him, feeling angry and upset...talk some sense into me!!

[Happyjolly1]

I know this is stupid but tonight I saw my ex (he didn’t see me) and he was beaming away wearing the expensive watch I bought him.

He was horribly horribly emotionally abusive and I feel sick when I think back to being with him.

Suddenly feel so angry that I spent all that money on him and now he’s prancing around like that with something on that I bought him.

I know he is allowed to wear it. Just feel angry all of a sudden and feel so incredibly stupid all over again.

Sorry to hear that OP, double shock of seeing an ex and noticing the watch.

You're not stupid, because you're not with him anymore. You are free from his abuse. That's got to be worth more than any watch, hasn't it?

Yes it is.

Just can’t believe he can be there all suited and booted, coming across all suave and sophisticated...butter wouldn’t melt. Makes me sick.

I really genuinely have no desire to be with him and don’t miss him. Just makes me sick that people are obviously buying to that and he was laughing away with a group at the time.

The man who threatened to break my wrist and throw me down the stairs and went hours at a time giving me silent treatment.

How long has it been? You'll have lots of moments like this, and they seem to get more intense for a while. I think we suppress all our emotions in an EA relationship, it seems to help. Then we have to get used to feeling things again afterwards. That was my experience, anyway.

It sucks that he's still having a good time and seemingly unscathed when you were very hurt and will take a while to heal. Take note of your feelings. They're justified - and with any luck they'll help you walk away at the first sign of trouble in the future.

Perhaps you're feeling angry with yourself at being fooled into thinking he was a great guy who was worth 'investing' in. But don't be hard on yourself. He was a manipulative abusive bastard - and thankfully, you got away. There will be others who buy the BS image he's putting out there - something you feel angry for building up perhaps... but the important thing is you know the truth. x

You are ending one year and starting another without him. That must be a good feeling.

Thats a lovely thought @LadyWithLapdog.

I agree with the PP

Being turned off him, free from him, that's worth way more than the price of the watch.

Thanks.

I know it’s stupid. Just can’t believe he gets to be so happy and everyone thinking he’s great after what he did.

I feel so so angry. He ruined my life and I was only with him a year. No doubt he will treat this woman adoringly.

It doesn’t sound stupid to me. It sounds like shock and trauma be very very gentle with yourself op.
And celebrate the fact that you got free. X

Of course he'll treat her adoringly - until the moment she acts in a way he doesn't like or can't control.

Then she'll see the real person underneath the shiny personality.

People like this never change, and only keep up the act until the other person is hooked.

You're well rid.

Just seeing him all smart and laughing his head off made me remeber what he was like when we met. I can’t stop thinking about it.

It was the worst time when I was with him and I was totally broken by the end. I can’t believe he gets to be so happy after all that.

But IS he really happy? Or hankering after what he is missing - hence wearing the watch? SOunds to me like he's putting on an act.

Hey OP-he won't have changed - anyone can put on an act in public. It's behind closed doors that people are themselves. Karma will do what it will even if you don't ever find out how that turns out in his direction. Sounds like its not really the watch-its the whole slimey package and really inside you want to tell everyone how awful he is. But others usually see through people like that. Once you have fully gained yr confidence back you will be ok. New year-fresh start. Don't waste yr precious energy thinking about him.He doesn't sound worth it. But you are. Sending

People like him aren't happy. He's playing a role and pretending to himself. No one genuinely happy would behave like that to a partner. Well done on getting rid of him - he has to keep on living with himself and inside his head is ugly.

Thanks just find it hard that he gets to come off as this great man and having these dates and laughing his head off while I still feel fragile. It’s been a while but how can he stand there wearing hundreds of pounds worth of jewellery I bought. I hate the man.

I know for my own good need to let this go. This has set me back a bit and I was doing well.

I can relate. I remember seeing my asshole ex standing chatting on the very expensive iphone I'd bought him. Every fibre of my being wanted to wrench it from his ear and dump it into his pint.

It passes though. Trust me. Now everytime I see him I just laugh.

The thing that winds me up is that I bought him that when he was in the middle of treating me like utter shit.

Argh. Wish I had never met him.

No doubt he will treat this woman adoringly.
He will indeed - for about 5 minutes.
Then once she's been sucked in he will revert to his abusive ways.
He's an abuser.
They don't change.
They just move onto the next 'victim'

Well done on getting away.
It's hard when you bump into them.
All the emotions overtake you and there's nothing you can do about it.
Try not to stay angry for too long.

He was so so charming. So over the top. Made me feel like a princess.

Then suddenly he started getting frustrated with me. Wanted me to dress a certain way. Didn’t like how I shaved. List is endless. It was horrible.

It's not crazy or stupid at all.

I saw my ex on Tinder and he'd used a photo I took of him on a really fun night out we had at the beginning of our relationship; I felt like killing him!

He's a drug addict and has broken me and the rage I felt at him over a picture seems stupid but like you I just thought he's going to snare his next victim with a photo that I took of him I feel your pain x

Hiding that sounds horrible too! Hope you blocked!

He’s the only person I wish I had never met.

Anyway you can get the watch back?

At least text the fucker saying you want it back.

You are sooooo lucky to be away from him!!!

My ex spent 6 weeks acting - and I mean acting - like the perfect, respectable, 'butter wouldn't melt' loving mum, who had had a tough life and whose husband had 'let her down'... 8 weeks in, she declared her 'financial crisis' to me - including owing £3000 to her ex husband, water bills, council tax demands, debts to friends.... and how 'if I cared and was there for her, £5000 would save her'...

Yes, I ran. She called about a week later and told me I was 'too sensible' and 'not crazy enough' for her.... then, could she please have the money as her ex had been providing her cannabis and he needed to be paid... I'm presuming because he owed someone?

I genuinely laughed on the phone. She then reaffirmed her need to escort... 'because I have no choice'... unless YOU can help me.

A month later she's back on POF dating site and looking for a new sucker. TBH it was probably the next day... I don't know nor care. The sad thing is that I know this Xmas she's alone. Maybe with her daughter and using her daughter to give her company and attention/status.

The one thing I'll never forget is perhaps the most honest and perhaps only honest thing she said at a moment of weakness after a bottle of pinot... "I wish I'd never had her!" (the daughter). Poor, poor girl... she's only 8.

Let your ex show off his flashy watch, flashy suit, flashy smile. My ex has the flashiest Facebook profile I've ever, ever seen. It's an utter façade for a very grotty life and very sad human being.

Go and treat yourself to a flashy watch And be thankful it's over. REJOICE!!!!!!! xxxx

A pig in an expensive watch is still a pig. And over time it only becomes more obvious.

You appear to be stuck in a mindset that still affords him so much power. I think the source of your anger is that despite his awfulness you decided to stay with him for as long as you did and seeing the watch is a reminder of that choice.

He hasn’t ruined you but as long as you subscribe to that way of thinking, you will stay stuck. What’s happening in your life right now and what are the positive things you are doing that enriches your life?

One of the most positive things I did after DV was to stop looking for answers from my Ex and to start looking for answers within. Which began by understanding why I wanted to be in a relationship with someone who clearly had issues but blamed me for them. Once I understood the source of my poor choices it made forgiving myself for them a whole lot easier.

He’s no longer part of your life and that’s a very good thing, build on that, by making the choice to be happy. If you need help ‘unsticking’ yourself from the past then seek support but he only way he ‘wins’ if you don’t take or create the opportunities to be happy now.