Counselling for what....?

[Benjaminbuttonschild]

Hi,

I've posted before, but I've recently come out of a LTR - long story short, ex was abusive to me.

I finished with him about 3 weeks ago, after he shouted at me to fuck off in front of our 3yo. I do t know why but of all the things he did to me over the years, even the physical abuse, this was the straw that broke the camels back and made me kick him out once and for all.

I keep replaying any and every incident I can think of over and over in my head on repeat. There were so so many, that the abuse became normal to me.

Even now we've broke up, I can carry on and act like nothing has happened. For example, at work no one is none the wiser about my relationship or the abuse and I can smile, have banter with people and generally go about my day. You would never know if you met me what had happened if I didn't tell you.

Bit every thought I have in my brain is a recollection of a time he reacted like the abusive shit that he is and I can't stop thinking about it all. The years of it, the why, the what, the how of it all. Every minor thing is playing on my brain.

I confided in a friend about what had happened briefly and told her I honestly feel like I need to get this whole ordeal out of my system. She recommended a self-referral to NHS counselling. I thought this may be helpful so I filled out a self-referral form online.

I had a letter back saying they would telephone me in January to assess me. They also gave me a form to fill in. Am I self-harming, have i recently suffered trauma, that kind of thing. The thing is I haven't and am not. I feel 'fine'. Almost normal even. So now I'm wondering why I've referred myself for counselling.

What would I even say? I think I've minimised the extent of what has happened because i have got so used to doing so. But I don't feel depressed or angry or hurt. If anything I feel more numb. Almost like if I carry on as normal eventually this will all just be a blot in my past.

An I making sense? I don't know what I've referred myself to counselling for but I DO need to get the shit he out me through off my chest.

Can anyone advise?

Sorry it's long and TIA

Bump

Good on you for getting away from your abuser.

Abuse as well thrives on secrecy and I am not totally surprised that you continue to hide from others exactly what happened to you.

I would now contact Womens Aid rather than just relying on NHS counselling which can in itself take time to arrange as well as being too limited in scope (and number of sessions). I would also look at their Freedom Programme and do this in person which is for those who have been in abusive relationships as well. At the very least your boundaries have been well and truly harmed at the hands of your ex and those need rebuilding.

Men like this can take a long time, years even, to recover from. I do think this current numbness is directly due to you being abused over several years (and becoming inured to this against you as well).

Thank you Atilla. What is the Freedom Programme? I often see it mentioned. Does it address the reasons why people get sucked in by abusers or why they choose to stay with them? Cos if I could identify that, it may be a good thing.
We had kids so I thought leaving would be hard

Hi OP
Yes the Freedom Programme addresses all of that.
Give Womens Aid a call 0808 2000 247 to discuss with them!
Also ask them about specialist counsellors in your area.
You may get an appointment sooner if you go through Womens Aid.
But definitely do their Freedom Programme.
Attend in person if you can rather than on-line.

I've just looked at the freedom programme online. I think I will give it a go. I definitely need to get everything out in the open though, I feel stifled after putting up with everything. Worst part is, dickhead himself doesn't know why he did it either. He's emotionally stunted so I think that has a lot to do with it. He's a selfish bastard.