Oh shit I've taken MN into OLD

[ohiamsodamntired]

I don't know whether to congratulate myself or shoot myself

All the poor guy did was say he'd met women who seemed sex starved and only wanted black men for sex and he thought they should buy a dildo instead as he wants connection first

I replied that I was struggling with the idea that multiple women are throwing themselves at him and he has come across as a bit of a muppet

It was probably just a poorly thought out joke!

His sheepish response was that he thinks they're like that with everyone not just him

He might be a nice guy, he might be a dick - I will never actually know now will I? 😂

Ah well, I hope he finds someone if he is nice. In all fairness he said he was new.

What an extremely tasteless attempt at a joke. I hope he doesn't use it again!

What is OLD?

Online dating

I'm not sure if it was a joke - maybe I'm wrong and there are actually women who behave like that?

The profile seemed hopeful until that point

I think I forgot he wasn't posting in aibu!

I have used tinder. My male friends have. And yes there are men and women who use it for casual sex.

I get loads of people in boxing things like 'wanna meet for a fuck' or 'i am in the mood to like pussy, wanna meet?'.

My male friends get similar. Non of us are wildly attractive.

Er, no, he sounds racist and sexist and the point of online dating is to weed out pricks like that.

I don’t really see how he’s being sexist. He doesn’t say all women only want to meet him / black men for sex, just the ones he’s met to date. He then says it’s not what he’s looking for. Is he not allowed to feel a bit objectified?

Not to mention hurt that there’s an element of racial stereotyping going on (presumably the old canard about penis size and/or that “black men don’t stick around”)?

So ok, it could be a disguised boast and he could be full of himself but you wouldn’t accuse a woman who said “I only ever get contact from men looking for sex” as sexist - from experience of this site, most of you would take that as a complete given.

Just a thought....

...but if you (rightly) sympathise with women who have bad experiences with men on OLD who are just looking for sex, or to fulfil some random fantasy....

....then you might want to be a little less judgemental when a black man tells you he experiences OLD much the same way, with women who are just looking to tick that fantasy box.

He is entitled to bemoan being objectified just as much as anyone else.

That doesnt happen to me (people tend not to fantasise about nearly 40 year old bureaucrats with two kids 😂), but as somebody who has encountered openers such as "how much do you earn?" from women on those sites (yes, as a greeting), I'd say it's eminently possible that this is genuinely his experience.

How is it remotely racist?! People are overly sensitive to the point of being daft.

Sometimes conversations that start like that end up in intersting places.
You may yet find out if it was a joke or not
😂

Sorry, I totally misread the post this morning.

So he told you that he felt objectified as a black man on the dating scene, and you dismissed his feelings and implied that he's conceited and not attractive enough to be objectified...

Yeah, I think you screwed that interaction up.

Sounds like he was a nice person who didn't want to be objectified.

I don’t know about the rest of it but I wouldn’t chat too long to a guy who used the word dildo and referred to sex if I hadn’t yet met him in real life and we had somehow chatted about sex so it didn’t feel weird. Don’t know if it was a humble brag etc but there are so many approaches that just seem too sexual and out of context. You may have hurt his feelings or you may just have called him out on something. But just a no to casual references to dildo and sex please

I presume you're white OP? So a black man opens up to you about being objectified by women on the basis of his skin colour. And your response is to pretty much laugh in his face by dismissing his experiences and implying that he's unattractive?

I wouldn't be thinking of 'congratulating myself'. I'd be ashamed of myself and I'd send him an apology.