Why isn't it OK to want to be single?

[LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset]

I've emerged from a very long toxic marriage then another 2 year relationship that wasn't right and I've had enough.

Family and friends don't like the fact I have no interest in meeting someone else; patronisingly saying, oh you'll meet someone/you'll change your mind, then attempt to set me up.

I don't want to!

I've become friendly with a newish group through an activity recently (all different ages) and again they want to get me out to meet men.

People won't accept how I feel it and it's baffling. Why?

I've been happy to be on my own since I divorced my spouse in the late 90s. Being in a bad marriage is far worse than being on one's own, you'd think. I do anyway.

A couple of friends of similar age range ( 50s to 75ish) have started new relationships, but have kept their own house. This seems rather civilised. Part of a "we", but no risks. Starting AGAIN after another breakup would be a disaster.

Thanks Lady!

They just want you to be as miserable as them OP, misery loves company and all that ;).

But seriously - everything that's been mentioned above - projection, conformity, genuine concern etc

Plus i'd add many women are romantics and just want to see a seemingly lovely, romantic coupling happen (not literally coupling obviously). If they know you had bad relationships,even more so ; they'd like to see a happy 'ending'.

Some posters have made the point about people feeling threatened in terms of s potential man stealing single woman too,bits s firmnic mate guarding I suppose. What they might not admit, with the popularity and convenience of the predatorys man stealing, desperate woman cliche,box that the concern can be as much about mens behaviour when they see what they perceive as 'free', lonely women ... which one can be incredibly predatory, sleazy, opportunistic, offensive and depressing. I know a few long term single women and they have been repeatedly come on to by attached men in their circle who,'ve presumed they must be lonely,vsex starved, v grateful for attention, miserable etc. Some have had to be rebuffed more than once, and I have no doubt if snhbif their partners had found out,ghrhneoukdvd blamed the women.

Sorry for a the typos!

(they would have blamed the women).
The women I know were too convinced they'd be blamed and ostracised, they didn't even tell the partners.

But I'm sure that the partners had a few Spidey sende moments about it.

My happiest times have been single and I am single again now ( and happy!) . My friends and family are very used to me now and no longer comment but I've heard it all before and it used to make me seethe.
A younger colleague once told me with a smirk she " doesn't want to be on the shelf at 30" like it was a fate worse than death !
Im on the shelf at 43 and love it lol
I have a little boy and happily co parent with his dad , really amicably . Some people even take offence to that wondering why we are not at each other's throats.
You can't please some people ....

@YesitsJacqueline

I actually had a younger friend say something like "end up like a dried up old spinster at 40". I raised an eyebrow - being 41 at the time. She was all "OMG, no one would think that of you" ...I think she's learned her lesson now though as she is approaching 35 and deciding that men aren't worth the aggro

I have ZERO interest in a relationship. I am 41. I have never been married.

Iva head disastrous relationships, one after the other with years in between.

It's just not for me. The pain, hurt, vulnerability etc. I see know benefit.

All my friends (bar 2 or 3) moan about DH's and DP's, I think fucking hell what are you doing!?

I have a DS from sperm donor (greatest thing I've ever done)

Why would I want a relationship!?!

I'm with you @LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset

I've never been happier now I am truly relationship free

Oh dear.
I'm the same , no intention of a relationship anytime soon, people have given up trying to pair me off!
I'm sure I'll upset a lot of people but in my experience them that can't believe you're happy alone couldn't possibly be happy alone themselves.

Needy people can't understand that we are all different, some people don't need propping up in life.

Sometimes it's because people are afraid and can't comprehend a life alone. My mum on hearing I had split from my ex of 8 years sent me an article on tinder within a week of separating. She has since told me I'll never amount to anything unless I find a man. Hilarious. She lives with my dad and has been married forever and is miserable, as is my dad. They both are co-dependent and have no one but each other as they've cut off all family and friends and just have themselves. I gained a lot of bad relationship habits from them, so being single right now is absolutely vital so I can understand my habits and change them.

My mum can't understand why I don't want a man for protection/financial security blah blah blah - because I can do that myself.

I get this all the time. I'm quite happy being single. I was married for 16 years, maybe 3 happily then tried OLD for a year but find I'm happier on my own.

I live with my 2 teenagers and can't see any place for a man in our lives. I don't see that changing in the near future. My neighbours husband died and she was back into a relationship after 2 years so can't understand my way of thinking at all.

I am so glad I read this! I have been split with my husband nearly 2 years, met someone quite soon after that and was with them for a year, we split up in November. I have put so much pressure on myself to try and find someone as I am lonely. BUT actually I enjoy my own time (I have 3 children) I do my own thing and have no one to answer to! I am independent, I just need to keep reminding myself I don’t need a man!
Sorry to hijack your post! X

I'm single. Exh left for OW last year. Almost straight away friends were encouraging me to go OLD. I have absolutely no interest in it currently.

I also find it quite offensive that l don't seem "worthy" unless I'm part of a couple

You might find that you need some additional friends.

I'm not saying to get rid of these ones, but to augment them with some other friends who understand a bit more.

You didn't hijack it at all AlwaysSunshine. Glad it helped, it has me; where are you people in RL ?

I'm 41 too today, and until now haven't been single since being a teenager - which looks mad really when you type it out.

A PP mentioned people trying to force you into online dating, omg yes! I received a very public tutorial from a well-meaning acquaintance on the way to use Tinder just last week - I nodded and smiled etc...etc

I'm 42yrs... not been single either since teens.... and enjoying not having to think of anyone other than me and my children!

Friends have no problem with me being single. Most of my friends are single and loving it! Acquaintances - those who have had unhappy marriages themselves are the ones who 'demand' to know why I am single and don't I want to meet someone which I think is quite funny..

The older I get the more put off I am! I guess because people put up with less shit the older they get and enjoy their own company too much!

Nothing wrong with finding someone new though if it happens!

Nothing wrong with finding someone new though if it happens!

I'd never go actively looking. I think if I found myself head over heels for someone my instinctive reaction would be "Oh shit."