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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Leaving OH this time of year

5 replies

Mel985 · 17/12/2018 17:52

So after posting on here previously telling you all about my partner who won't get a shared bank account, gets me to ask for money for our children, postponed our wedding for a second time, and called me names in front of the children....I have decided to ask him to leave.
Problem is, it's almost Christmas and I'm trying to put up with him at least until the new year for the sake of the kids but he knows there's something wrong and things are strained so he's putting on an act trying to be nice to me knowing full well I'm not happy. He's a very munipulating person and I'm feeling guilty already from how he acting. He can't help slip up at times though and my 9 year old has made more comments saying how Daddy isn't nice to me and that something needs to be done 😕
How do you know when the right time is? I feel he's going to fight this, I've tried to leave in the past and he's gone mad and somehow got me to stay. I can't go on like this, I'm now 33 and I've been going to leave many times over the last 13 years.

OP posts:
spritesobright · 17/12/2018 18:50

I'm sorry to hear about your situation OP. It does sound like it's emotionally abusive so I'm not surprised you want to leave.
I imagine lots of people are similarly trying to get past Christmas before announcing a split.
I had been planning to do the same and wait to file for divorce until after Christmas. My friend said if it was going to be a shitty Christmas anyways I should just "embrace the shit" and not prolong it.
That made me chuckle.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. It's tough.

FestiveNut · 17/12/2018 18:53

Get your ducks in a row. I would personally wait until after Christmas for the kids so as not to ruin it for them, but no one would blame you for not doing so.

Also, make sure there is no trace of this on your browser history.

Mel985 · 17/12/2018 21:21

Yes I'm going to wait until the new year. He's already putting out all the stops, buying me wine and flowers, being super nice for a change. He does it everytime he knows I'm thinking of leaving.

OP posts:
Musti · 17/12/2018 22:27

Do what I did and write yourself a long email listing all the reason with lots of examples if why you're leaving. I did that because my ex was nice some of the time and my forgiving nature meant I would change my mind until it got bad again. The list made a big difference as I would read it (and add to it) every time I was having second thoughts.

Mel985 · 17/12/2018 23:20

Musti that's a good idea, thanks!

OP posts:
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