Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

How was it different when it was with the man you ended up marrying?

53 replies

Dingledongles · 17/12/2018 16:53

Did you know quite soon that you’d marry? Did the dates feel different from the start?

Just wondering. I hear all sorts about ‘just knowing’ and wonder what it feels like.

OP posts:

AsleepAllDay · 18/12/2018 04:02

Interesting how a lot of people say how easy it was & effortless from meeting. I've had that before and can't say it has translated into the one...

AsleepAllDay · 18/12/2018 04:03

Interesting how a lot of people say how easy it was & effortless from meeting. I've had that before and can't say it has translated into the one...

AsleepAllDay · 18/12/2018 04:03

Interesting how a lot of people say how easy it was & effortless from meeting. I've had that before and can't say it has translated into the one...

Armchairanarchist · 18/12/2018 04:42

Up until now I would say he felt like the man I want to spend the rest of my life with (as an equal partner) within weeks of meeting. We were engaged in two months, married six months later. That was 1995.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 18/12/2018 06:00

I never believed in all that nonsense, and laughed when, showing a good friend pics of now DH and me together on our third date, he said I was going to marry this guy. I did, within a very short while. It has been 37 years and it still seems crazy how much we are just right. DH told his family after date three that he had met the woman he would marry. He knew.

bibbidybobbidyboo · 18/12/2018 12:50

IMO a lot of of the "just knew" stories are a sort of post-rationalisation. They're only relevant because the people are still together. For every happily married person who said they "just knew" you will find one who thought they "just knew" but then eventually split up. It's very easy to connect the dots with hindsight!

Girlofgold · 18/12/2018 13:17

Yes. Just wanted to see him all the time and thought he was great. No game playing just easy and straightforward loved him (mutual I hope). 20 years on we've had some right shit times following business loss, some mad mother in law behaviour that's calmed down now and grief from parental loss, but we have weathered them so far.

TillyTheTiger · 18/12/2018 13:23

Similar to many PP, there was no drama, no game-playing, I felt I could be 100% myself with him from day 1. In 6 years he's never once made me cry, except for happy tears. And I still get the flutter of excitement when I hear his key in the door.

QueenofallIsee · 18/12/2018 13:25

I am engaged to be married next October - 1 previous starter marriage, 1 very long term relationship with children that ended and both times I knew they weren’t the one and grimly carried on.
I met my now fiancée for a drink with no expectations, the friends we were out with all meshed together in one big group while we sat on bar stools chatting rubbish about everything & anything and I swear I felt a sort of clicking into place. I was petrified but he was brave enough to say ‘this is it isn’t it?’ He is the love of my life and I thank my stars for him every single day.

Fleurchamp · 18/12/2018 13:33

I knew from the moment I met my now DH that he was going to be a part of my life - not necessarily my husband or even a boyfriend but just that he was going to be important to me.
I was 24, just out of a LTR and not looking for love. We went on a few dates and it seemed to fizzle out. He went away for work but we would still chat every few days. He came back a few months later, it was my birthday so he took me for dinner and that was kind of that! We got married two years later.
I am not sure I would have persevered with him had I not had that "feeling" when I met him. We are by no means perfect but we love and respect each other.

Livingoncake · 18/12/2018 13:50

There was no bullshit. None of the “now I like you, now I don’t” game that I’d had from every other bloke I’d ever dated. He liked me and he made sure I knew it right from the word go. It all felt so easy and natural - I never felt nervous or anxious with him, even in the very early days.

Hellomatey001 · 18/12/2018 13:57

I am a pretty anxious nervous person and dating was blooming terruble for me but I relaxed with DH because in the first few months of dating:

I never worried about a lack of texts from him. He texted me frequently and always responded promptly.

I never worried whether I was going to see him again because he always arranged the next date whilst we were on the previous date or early next day.

I never worried about him liking other women, cos he always gave me full attention on a date (unlike some dates who were more interested in waitresses than me!)

I never worried about long term cos he didn't turn red or change the subject when I mentioned marriage and kids.

I crossed the road with him. He waited for me to cross safely then crossed over. Always remember that!

This doesn't mean our relationship is easy, marriage has it's challenges and you have to communicate/compromise but DH was the only person I met who made me think this is what "serious" is meant to be like.

MyBreadIsEggy · 18/12/2018 14:00

I was 15 when I met my DH through mutual friends, and 16 when we started dating.
After our first date, my mum asked me “so...how did it go?!”
And I told her there and then, “I’m going to marry that man, mum.”
Married him 3 years later, had 2 babies. Still like a pair of lovesick teenagers

happychange · 18/12/2018 14:13

After date 2 or 3, I just knew

PetuliaBlavatsky · 18/12/2018 14:18

It took us a long while to get to the marrying stage so I wouldn't say we 'just knew' but while dating, as pp have said, it was just easy. Spending time together was fun and happy and exciting even when there was a whole load of other shit stuff going on. We came close to breaking up a couple of times because of external factors (distance, jobs etc) but we just couldn't bear to. We changed the external stuff instead.
We've worked at it over the years, we've had problems but we've never had anything that made us feel we shouldn't be together. 20 years next year!

user1479305498 · 18/12/2018 14:26

Quite sad reading these, I would have echoed all the ‘clicking’ and ‘felt natural’ stuff and all was good, until it suddenly wasn’t and found out stuff after20 years that made me unhappy. I don’t think I will be the only person on here to say this. There are plenty of men and women out there who have great marriages and friendships and yet still go off and do the odd hurtful thing that can blow everything up

DonderandBlitzen · 18/12/2018 14:33

I didn't know he was the one at first. I thought he was "too nice"
I then fell for him after a couple of months and realised nice was a million times better than the stressful PITAs I'd fallen for before. We married and were happy together til death did us part, but unfortunately the death came after only 20 years together. Would have preferred it many decades longer

BigGirlPants18 · 18/12/2018 14:36

Being part of the "I just knew" bandwagon is so far removed from my general take on life, but when it came to DP, I did honestly just know.

I had just come out of a long term relationship that was, in hindsight, emotionally abusive. I was quite looking forward to being on my own for a while when DP showed up.

I can't explain it. I just knew. I honestly just knew. He was the last thing I was looking for, but the best thing that ever happened to me.

Drogosnextwife · 18/12/2018 14:38

I felt completly comfortable to be myself and not try and tone down some of the crazy in me like I had done with other people .

skunkatanka · 18/12/2018 14:40

We've been married for 18 years and together for 25. I did know very early on that this would last and wasn't just a quick thing. We had loads to say to each other. We stayed up all night regularly in the early days just chatting. I realised one day that when I was with him I was nearly always smiling. He still makes me laugh now so I think we've still got a few years in us!

Drogosnextwife · 18/12/2018 14:41

We aren't married though and have been through some terrible times, but probably happier now.

IStoleThisName · 18/12/2018 15:44

No matter how hard it got (and it got hard), I never wanted to give up. I always wanted to live to fight another day and eventually resolve it, as did he.

In other relationships, I'd be bored and by the time things started to get hard I'd already have one foot out of the door just waiting for an excuse to step through. With my husband, I was never waiting for the excuse.

He feels like home. We're an absolute team and I don't want to do anything, hard or easy, without him as half of the team. I guess that's the only way I can explain it.

Snapsnapsnap · 18/12/2018 16:09

I didn't. Questioned it for ages because I didn't really think about him when he wasn't there. Eventually realised it was because he's not a manipulative twat like the previous boyfriend. Also he was my equal in some really fundamental ways which I hope will see us through. It's not all hearts and flowers, but I am generally happy with him (10+ years).

Snapsnapsnap · 18/12/2018 16:11

Had the coming home/soulmate feeling with two exes, both of whom had absolutely no mileage as life partners.

Trinity66 · 18/12/2018 16:14

I was with my ex for 2 and a half years and I often thought about marriage but in a "there's no way I'd marry him right now" as in I was never happy enough/sure enough with him. When I started seeing my now DH, I remember a couple of weeks into seeing him saying to a friend, I'm going to marry him

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread