Hi,
I am new to this forum and I am looking for some advice on how to deal with a very sensitive issue with my brother in law.
A bit of background obviously, but I have been with my husband for 11 years now. We married in 2009 and had our daughter in 2010. I have always had a decent relationship with my BIL. Myself, my husband and him are all massive film fans and this has always been a major part of our conversations etc. In 2016, he split up with his wife who he had been with for around 15 years. They married in 2007 and have a daughter. When he split up with her, he went into a new relationship very quickly (literally within a month) and now lives with this new woman and her daughter who is the same age as his daughter (our niece). He met her via a dating site and seems to be a man who cannot be on his own. He has always been a bit of a misogynist and frankly a bit of a pervert with woman. My husband says that when he has been out drinking with him, he is always commenting on 'how fit woman are' etc.
Recently (over the last six months), he has started to display some behaviour towards me which I am finding a bit worrying and I am not sure how to approach it. I have noticed things and dismissed them as they didnt seem to have much meaning but a recent event has made me think there may have been more to the behaviour. We were all together at my mother and father in laws and I had to squeeze in between my husband and him on a large couch as there was nowhere to sit. He made a big deal of me sitting next to him and was quite dramatic about 'moving over' etc. I laughed at this and dismissed it as there has always been a lot of banter between us. When we were all sat talking, I felt something pressing against my foot and assumed it was my mother in laws dog! Then a few minutes later, felt something resting on my foot. I looked down and it was his foot! I subtly moved my foot away and tried to act normal. I have asked myself if this was a mistake and he didnt know, but there is no way it was. I have also noticed him staring at me when I am not talking, and also he has suddenly started divulging more info about what he likes/dislikes etc. We all recently went out for the day and my husband was there as well as our niece. Even when my BIL was stood next to me, he kept tapping me on the shoulder before talking to me, despite me being stood right next to him! In the end, I turned and said, 'I am stood right next to you, you don't have to keep tapping me!'
At a recent family meal, his girlfriend was there and he stopped some of this behaviour but then made a joke about me not stealing his food if he sits next to me! I have never ever attempted to steal anyone's food! This is a small list of examples of his behaviour.
I am really confused as I do not know if I am reading too much into it all. I have even confided in a friend who said they think he is attracted to me and I have done the right thing by giving him subtle hints to leave me alone, but I need more advice as I do not want to have to say anything to my husband as it will end their relationship but at the same time, I feel awful for hiding it from him even though I have done nothing to egg him on!
Any advice welcome!