Scared I’m so fat

[mossyfern1955]

I’ve had what I would term as an eating disorder all my life. From an Abusive childhood growing up scared of my dad and his drinking, it was sugar that gave me the hug I needed. Now I am critically overweight and it’s affecting everything. I am undergoing counselling but it’s slow progress. What scares me now is that I don’t really care. I have just lost my desire to be well. This partly stems from a relationship where I’ve royally let him totally mess me around and now feel anger and shame. At him and myself. I just can’t let myself be happy....I seem to enjoy punishing myself. Why? It’s a great big mess and am considering a consult for a gastric bypass. Anyone relate in any way?

I can’t relate to your obesity, but I do hope you can move on and learn to love yourself, find a hobby you enjoy, set yourself a challenge. Do not however base this on anyone else’s needs but your own. You have to do this for you, no one else x

It’s a complex problem, I hope that your counselling will offer the help that you need.
I managed to lose four stone, by focusing on my joints. It may sound daft, but I could feel the pressure my extra weight was putting on my hips, knees and ankles. Friends were telling me to exercise, but my body just didn’t feel strong enough to take it.
I managed gentle walks, but focusing on the pressure that my joints were under, helped me stick to a 1400 calorie a day diet.
Every time I felt the urge to snack, I remembered my creaky knees.

I think everyone needs a focus of some sort, but hopefully your counsellor can guide you with this x

Well done winter

Hi OP sorry to hear you're feeling so bad and yes, I can relate to what you say.

The only thing that worked for me was weight loss surgery. Best thing I ever did. I couldn't get it on the NHS in those days (8 years ago) so I paid to go privately abroad but I just put it on my credit card and paid it off with the money that I would have spent on food/snacks/costa coffee/lunches/meals out etc.

Spend some time researching surgery, theres loads of info and support groups out there on the internet. x

Winter that is actually a brilliant idea. I am going to try that. I have decided to have a NY resolution I am going to stick to. I now have a health condition that would be helped massively if I lost weight and muscled up. My knees and hips are affected. Having a focus will help. I am going to think about my joints.

A friend has lost three stone and she is scheduled for a half knee replacement but she says since the weight loss she is not in pain and is considering not having the surgery.

Have you stopped caring about yourself because you’ve treated your body so poorly for so long do you think? That would make sense. If you’re treating yourself like you don’t matter and don’t deserve to be healthy/safe/look nice, that’s going to bleed into your self esteem, and you’re going to stop feeling like you deserve to be well.

You have to approach both the emotional and physical aspects of this. Once you state to lose weight it’ll spur you on and you’ll hopefully start to enjoy the sense of control and believe that you do deserve this and you can make positive changes. And the counselling can support you along the way and help you work on the issues that have led to this. But therapy alone isn’t going to do it I don’t think. You have to address the physical weight at the same time.

If you feel a gastric band will help, by all means go for it. At this stage if you’re obese on balance the potential harms of a band are probably offset by the current real harms to your health being overweight is causing. Whatever it takes.

Flame me if I'm talking nonsense and it doesn't help one bit but...could you disassociate your mind from your body enough so that you view your body as separate?

Then view your body as a "new but sad pet" that has been badly mistreated that you have been entrusted to look after and make well again?

That you need to really take care of it and feed it only sparingly and healthily and take it for short walks to start with until it gets enough strength to go for a short swim and to do more activities?

But it will need lots of love and kindness and healthy, fun treats to make its life happier?

I hope it works op, you can even give it a name and you are going to really look after it and restore it to health and fitness as a proud owner.

Good luck

@prettyvase

I actually love the idea of thinking outside of the box!! Thanks for sharing

Let us know your progress @littleraindrop! 😀 X

I can make you thin by Paul McKenna is about how food and our emotions are linked. Is a really interesting non-diet approach. Might be helpful?