Cheating

[Jsbrum]

Hi new poster here sorry it’s long in advance
I’ve been with my oh for 8 & a half years went through loads of stuff to be together as he’s a different race to me family on both sides didn’t agree anyway 3 weeks ago he told me he’d received pictures of a girl from work I shouted screamed eventually seen this picture and it wasn’t nice. We was arguing about it for 3 days straight and when I was on phone to him an email came through to his emails which are connected to my phone for work purposes from this woman declaring her undying love. I read it to him and he went quiet I told him he needed to get to mine ASAP. We argued loads that night even grabbed him screamed and threw my rings at him he said they had been put 3 times just for food and on 3rd occasion went to hotel. He said nothing happened cuz he couldn’t rise to the occasion and he realised he loved me since then I rang her gave her a mouthful and told her he said they slept together which she denied. He’s really sorry can’t do enough for me at the minute and I honestly think he is sorry but I canoseem to forget about it. I keep giving him little digs about it. How can I forget the pain I’m in? Sorry it’s long xx

He's obviously cheated and apart from screaming you seem to have accepted it. LTB

Sorry for your situation op, that's horrible. I wouldn't believe him about the not rising to the occasion, they all say that. He's trying to minimise it.

They're all sorry when they're caught, and they all minimize. Is there any way you would ever be able to trust what he tells you again, knowing he was happy to do this being your back? As hard as it is after 8 years, you're better off leaving him, esp as there are no DC involved and you have seperately places. He'd probably do it again, knowing he can hide it from you.

I'm actually beginning to wonder if every man cheats at some point. The trick must be to get together with someone once they've actually achieved enough maturity to stop doing it.

You know the bit about not being able to get it up is complete bullshit...Right?

It's the last get out clause he has and the oldest line in the book....You also won't find out the truth from the ow. What does she have to gain by telling you except pissing him off?

Bottom line is if he was worth keeping none of this would have happened in the first place.

Get std tested and run for the hills!! If not you're giving this loser the green light to carry on.

If he hadn’t have been caught then he would have carried on and not been sorry at all!

an email came through to his emails which are connected to my phone for work purposes from this woman declaring her undying love.

I rang her gave her a mouthful and told her he said they slept together which she denied.

Those two statements don't tally. One moment she declares undying love...then she denies sex.

I'm not saying you can't love someone you've not slept with....but she's protecting him by saying what she did.

You haven't got the truth from him ... not by a long shot.

I'd tell him you want the truth.... or you'll no longer be committed to the marriage.

He can interpret that how he wants.

I'm not saying LTB... but you need honesty to move forwards.

Would you both be open to marriage counselling?

I’ve suggested counselling and he doesn’t want to go he’s changed his number has no more contact with her but is adamant they didn’t sleep together. I’ve begged him to tell me but like I said he said nothing happened. He couldn’t get it up then realised what he was doing and left the hotel she told me exactly that story. I’ve told him I’m going to get myself checked out and he said if that’s what I need to do then fine cuz he knows he never done anything xx

Erugh what a douchbag. It doesn't matter if he couldn't rise up. He "courted" someone with dinners and then tried to sleep with them. I'd leave the twat if he would treat me with such disrespect

Just because he's changed his number...doesn't mean they aren't in contact. There are many ways to maintain contact secretly.

Also... because he couldn't get it up...is no reason not to go for counselling.

I'm assuming they were both naked and ready for action. Have you asked how he'd feel if the tables were turned?

Something got him to the point of not getting it up ... that's what he needs to address.

Not everyone is willing to try counselling. Certain ethnic groups are known as less likely to seek counseling too... so his reluctance isn't necessarily to be seen as a negative.

Its no good trying to push him into either, but until you get what it is or how he came to be in the position he was.... how can you trust it won't happen again?

3 weeks ago he told me he’d received pictures of a girl from work

Why did he tell you?

I'm wondering... because in some ways it's a positive...except he wasn't honest about everything.

Women don't send men pictures randomly without a history between them.

Is there any chance she was going to say something?