Am i the only one?

[Rainstormsstory]

Has anyone else ever split with someone and regretted it? I split with my husband a few months ago and can't help but feel completely regretful about it all. There were a lot of past events that I wouldn't really forgive or let go of for years now that ended up causing arguments and resentment but now I just like why on earth did I waste so much time holding onto all those things! I basically threw my marriage away because I couldn't stop living in the past. And I can't blame him for all that now, he tried to make things better and he did put effort in and still I wouldn't let go of it. I just can't believe I could be so stupid and throw my family away so easily. And now I am battling with myself over these thoughts every day. I have tired to speak to him about it all, he says it's too late now, he still loves me but doesn't want to anymore. This isn't the first we've split over these things, and frankly I can understand his concern to get back together for fear of things repeating themselves again. He wants to move on with his life. We have a young child, I feel so sad we won't be together as a family anymore. And that ultimately that is my fault. I just wish I could have have seen the bigger picture at the time and stopped focusing on the past. I am already seeing a counselor, I'm not sure what else to do. I know I have to move now but I don't know how. I'm scared I'll live with regret for the rest of my days.

Well it depends on what the past events are that you kept focussing on?

Whenever I've split up with someone I've never regretted it in general terms. I do still look back at my previous relationships and wish I could piece all of their good points together and I'd have the perfect husband!

If there's definitely no going back I think you need to focus on your young child and how they will be much better off being brought up by 2 parents who are happy but separated rather than arguing or unhappy but together. This is how I came to terms with the end of my marriage when I had 2 very young children.

My parents never ever seemed happy together. They stayed together until he was caught out having an affair and I just wish they'd have split up so much sooner. I think we'd have had a much happier childhood to be honest.

So now you have had space you could be thinking more clearly.

However, you could be that being in your own makes you are things not how they were.

I left dh 7 years before we got divorced after a few months apart from eachother I had convinced myself his abuse wasn't that bad. I could have been better and not done this or that. We got back together.

Huge mistake. We are now getting divorced. It really was that bad.

I posted asking about this a while back- I asked if anyone separated and regretted it. No-one got back and said yes.....so I'm glad you have posted. TBH from what many MN posters write its fairly normal to feel some regret, especially in the early days, but its actually more regret over having ended the family, rather than ended the relationship. I know if I could ever have the balls to leave I would struggle to come to terms with having broken up our family. I'd regret that I'd married him in the 1st place and had DC and I'd regret that it hadn't worked out. I don't think I'd regret choosing not to spend the rest of my life being miserable a lot of the time. Sending

It’s very easy to see the past with rose tinted glasses
You couldn’t get over what had happened because YOU couldn’t get over it. You can’t fake it. You can’t force it.

I asked my exh for a separation almost 18 months ago & deeply regretted it for months after. I begged him to come back, but he had moved on. But I gradually realised that I didn’t miss him as a person as much as I missed being a family. The old issues would always be there & neither of us would’ve been happy. I also felt like it was my fault & I should have been better in some ways, but the feelings of regret are fuelled by the grief of loss and one day you won’t have them anymore, and realise it was for the best. For now, just tell yourself it is what it is, and do whatever you can to make it easier for you and your DC. Hugs.

I agree I think it’s the grief of loss
Actually leaving is nothing people take lightly and it’s much easier to stay, unhappy
You’ve been brave

Thank you all for the kind responses. I am very sad about the loss of not being a family anymore. But I also just can't seem to shake the feeling I did the wrong thing. I think it was more about needing space to clear my head, there wasn't ever really a moment I felt like I actually wanted this to end in divorce. But I realise what's done is done now. I know I need to try and figure out a way to move on.