Struggling financially

[Lovelyivy]

Hello everyone,
Me and my husband are struggling a bit financially. He works in construction 17£/hour I work as receptionist 10£/hour. He works Monday to Friday 8am-5pm I work weekend 6.30am-5pm. We have a toddler together-I take care of him Monday-Friday and he takes care of him weekend. We live in London so everything is expensive. My husband has been having comments that I’m lazy and should find some work maybe one or twice a week overnight or something I can do with the baby. I was trying to find something but find it difficult and not sure when I would sleep. I have few friends with toddlers and most of them are home until child is 3 years old or put child to nursery...we can’t afford that, but I’m upset because I think that man should try to support his family - why is he not looking for overtime ? Or extra job? Most men around me do that...I don’t want to sound lazy as I was trying to find a job but wasn’t successful - he has so much more qualifications and options. What other people do? I’m so tired of struggling with money - we don’t have car, we don’t go out and we are still struggling - what other people do?

You are a family and both of you should be working to ensure your financial security. If your child is over 2 you get some free childcare, you could work in a bar or call centre or do cleaning a few evenings a week. He already does a 40 hour week on a building site. London is horrifically expensive and unless one of you gets more work, or you get jobs in a cheaper area nothing is going to change.

Could you waitress or do bar work in the evening? That shouldn't impact on how much sleep you get?

It's not fair to expect the bulk of the household finances to come from one partner. If you could find a job a couple of evenings a week, it would help. Waitressing maybe or as an evening receptionist somewhere. London has more jobs than most places and you might even find you like it. There's nothing like a bit of spare cash.

Your husband works full time already.

Well I don't agree with you it's the mans job to support you. You lost me there. This ain't the 1950s.

As you are a receptionist with experience , could you work for one of the phone answering services for small businesses? Have seen the jobs advertised on line as work from home jobs from time to time.

It's not the man's job to support the family. It's both people's job.
How old is your DC? Are they at the age or nearly at the age where you will get free childcare hours?

It might be your desire to stay at home with your DC, but if you are struggling for money it's up to both of you to try to earn more.

A childminder costs less than £10 p/h, so you could work during the day and make some extra money to contribute to the household.

I don't know personally anyone who has chosen to stay at home until their child is 3. We can't afford that. I work 4 days as can just about manage on that. Each family does what they need to.

My husband is coming home from home around 6.30 so it is hard to find waitressing or bar jobs as they usually want weekends (when I’m already working) or starts at 4-5pm. Also what’s the point of paying 10£/h nanny when I get paid the same plus Travel to work and fronta work - I would not make anything. I do want to work but have a hard time finding anything...

My child is 1...so still a long way to go before he is 3 and I get help with childcare

How old is your child?

If they have some free childcare hours you may be able to get a part time job and have free nursery care whilst you work.

Avoid comparing to other mothers you know because perhaps their financial circumstances are very different (higher earnings, rent/mortgage free, more affordable social housing rent)

Is it possible to move to a cheaper area? I don't think you're being lazy. I'm sure you're spending at least 40 hours caring for your LO, plus cooking, cleaning, etc. Then working more than 20 hours over the weekend not including commute time.

Also what’s the point of paying 10£/h nanny when I get paid the same plus Travel to work and fronta work

Becayse even if your child went to a child minder for two hours in he evening, you'd still work a lot more than two hours, you can drop him off and your husband can pick up on the way back.

If you're struggling financially then it's on both of you to find a way to make it work, and you being effectively a stay at home mum during the week won't help. You don't need to work during the night clearly. But there is evening jobs about, and it's not on your husband to work two jobs till your child is three so you can stay home.

It's his job to support his family. What the actual fuck?

It's both your jobs. He is working full time. Why should he be the one to get a second job?

The child is both of your responsibility. That includes financially.

Thing is, if you did, say, working in a 24 hour supermarket on evening shifts after a full day with the baby, and he did solo childcare after a day of physical work, how long would that be sustainable for both of you?