Getting over abusive ex moving on

[iwishicouldgethimoutofmyhead]

I am so angry that he has moved on and appears to be quite happy

Meanwhile I am out, but not recovered

His voice plays over and over and I still wonder to myself if I could have behaved differently and he'd have been nicer

If I argue back ever - he reminds me of all the terrible things I made him to do me. I don't argue back often just get sent an email every now and then to explain how it's my fault that he can't be a father anymore.

It was my fault that he pushed me, my fault that he refuses to see his kid, my fault that he taught my kid to call me a cunt, my fault... everything was my fucking fault because he got stressed out by me

And I'd love to date and move on but I hear his voice in my head all the time and think I don't want to fuck up anyone else as badly as I did him

While this fucking Xmas he will be loved up and she hasn't yet stressed him out to where she needs to leave to stay alive, and hasn't yet stressed him out enough to see through what he says about me. She comforts him over how much I fucking stressed him out and how she can understand how awful it is for him he was pushed to those limits.

How do you get this voice to leave???

So sorry to hear you've been through this. From how manipulative he sounds it's no surprise that you're struggling to move forward!!

But I promise you, eventually you'll heal and the logic will kick in and you'll be so glad you're out of that relationship! And instead of being perhaps envious of their happiness, you'll probably start to pity her as you know what the future probably has in store!

I really hope you can have a nice Christmas with your child/ren and really good for you for getting out when you did. Give yourself some credit xx

I do pity her but I also have that fear that she won't stress him out to the extent I did... that what he says will be completely validated by her long term

And I'm angry at her that she can excuse everything and support him. I'm angry that there is a woman out there who will and he found her.

I would run now a million miles from a man who could say he was made to do a tenth of the stuff my ex is quite open about having done and plays victim that he did

If it was one occasion and he retaliated to me in self defence- I would get it

But I never laid a finger on him and just being alive stressed him out, just trying to be a mum stressed him out, I had biopsies and was going through a cancer scare, all was fine in the end - he's still bleating on about how traumatic that was for him that he couldn't attend any appointments, accused me of faking the whole thing and made me take my child in a pram to appointments while he got drunk because it was so fucking stressful for him

I need to exorcise his voice out of my head but I don't seem to be managing to

That poor next girl!

I don’t think dating is what you need right now despite how nice it is.

I think you need to learn to fall in love with yourself all over again.

You’re a strong, brave, BEAUTIFUL woman and you deserve to be happy. That starts from within. You don’t need a date, a man, or woman to make you feel this.

This Christmas you might be on your own but it’s much better than being with that bastard!

Look at how far you’ve come, the courage that has taken is incredible.

You need to be kind to yourself, you’re the most important person. Go to the shop, get something indulgent, have a nice bath and watch some shitty Christmas movies.

Connect with friends and family. Build a fort with your DC, laugh and sing.. fake that til you make it.

This is your Christmas

I know exactly how you feel. My narcissistic abusive ex has had a few girlfriends and makes out I am the one who wronged him when he put me (and the mother of his other child) through hell. The truth will out. She'll find out for herself the hard way as we all do eventually. These men are hardwired this way and don't change. When she has any kind of need for support she'll soon see what he is like. I would run a mile from any "man" that shows no empathy and doesn't have your back. That's no relationship or partnership. There are some women so desperate to be with someone they will overloook their cruelty to the mother of they child (ren). Try to do nice stuff for you, stuff you couldn't do when you were with him. I bet there are plenty of things. Write a list of the bad stuff he did to you. Time is a great healer.