I think I might be being unreasonable here but I'm not sure.
I've been seeing DP for about 6 months. 4 of those were long distance. He has been by his own admission very into the relationship from the beginning, said I love you very quickly and I have been more reticent and hung back - partly because I had just come out of a very long term relationship and still processing that (I loved my ex partner very much and it didn't end on bad terms and I still mourn the loss of it) and partly because I felt DP's actions weren't always in line with what he said.
Anyway things have been going ok but I can't shake this nagging insecurity I have with him and I don't know if it's just me being silly or not. He used to be a bit wild and has taken drugs in the past. He also has three very close long term female friends. He told me very early on he'd slept with one of them once, had wanted a relationship with her but she turned him down. This was several years ago and they are now apparently just good friends and she is good friends with the other two female friends. I don't think they know about this. I've met her twice and she's always nice and friendly but I don't know it sort of unnerves me a bit - also because he says they enjoy going out and taking drugs together.
I have never taken drugs and have told him I'm not happy with him doing it and he's said he would stop. He doesn't take it that often anymore now to be fair. He often says he loves the fact Im different to all the rest, he loves my nerdyness and that Im his ticket out of that way of life. I can't help thinking he'll just end up finding me very Boring.
Last week we went to a party and I got very very drunk. Had to go back to his and sleep it off. I was looking at his phone this morning and saw he'd told this friend this that night and invited her round to do a line but she said no. It's made me feel a bit sad. But I'm not sure why.
I know I do feel insecure with him and I don't know why. I never felt this way with my ex partner. He also had a long term girlfriend which ended about 7 years ago. He said for years he missed her terribly and tried to date girls who were similar to her. I'm nothing like her but again I don't know why I always feel like I might be second best.
He does always reassure me that he wants to be with me but I don't know why I don't really seem to believe him. I don't know if it's because I'm being unreasonable or if I'm picking up vibes off him or if it's because I'm not over my last relationship.
Im not sure what's going on here with my own feelings and feel like maybe I need some outside perspective.