Hi all,
We have 2 kids and both work full time. I have recently returned after mat leave.
Dh gets up, gets himself coffee, gets himself ready and goes to the gym every morning. That is his downtime and time to just be a human and get ready without having a toddler following him etc.
This is not working for me but he refuses to change.
Our second is the worlds worst sleeper. From birth until about 10 months I did all the night time which often meant surviving on 2 hours sleep. As a consequence I became quite ill and so dh then started getting up too. The thing is I wake up anyway as we live in a small house and you can hear her anywhere. No ones fault. I'm running on empty after a year of no sleep and doing the majority of housework. I will say Dh has now taken on more of that after it almost ending our marriage.
Mornings in this house are hard. No matter how organised I am it's a rush. The baby is over tired as am I. My eldest plays up. I go to work feeling like I have already done a full day. Then I do work a full day and often work overtime. Then I come home and look after the kids while dh cooks. Then we both do bedtime/chores. After all that I'm done and I fall into bed. Dh says i should get my downtime in the evening. However, I'm too exhausted to go to the gym by then (something I really want to do) my body won't give anymore. Iv done 13 hours of looking after the kids or working on no sleep by then. My personal trainer has said she can't train me in the evening because I'm too exhausted and weak and I often feel dizzy and sick. So I stopped that. I can go sit in my car, but who wants to do that at 7pm at night? Most places like costa are shut by then. My only option is to stay in the house but then I have no choice but to get involved in looking after kids or chores. So to sum up I'm getting no time away from the kids or my very stressful job. I don't have any time to feel human and just even wind down unless I'm asleep. Iv tried staying up late after every one is asleep but I fall asleep on the sofa.
Weekends are precious because I work all week and want some fun with the children rather than just the weekly grudge. I have taken a couple of hours on a Saturday before but end up feeling guilty.
What I want is for dh to help do a couple of mornings a week with the kids then I won't be so exhausted by the evening to relax and then we can alternate. Or maybe for me to go to the gym one weekend morning but him get up and take the kids out, so I can have a relaxed morning like he does all week. I asked him this morning why he is not as tired as me and he said he just isn't. Perhaps I need more sleep/rest than him I don't know
I'm not expecting loads of me time with two young children. I know this is how it is for parents but it's Sunday and I'm exhausted before I even start the week. I just need an hour to switch off from life and watch crap on tv or stare at my phone to recharge before doing it all again.
Thanks for reading, it will be helpful if others could give examples of what they do and how they split downtime.