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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner puts drinking first

3 replies

R2018 · 16/12/2018 09:48

I have been with my partner for 5 years and we have a 4 year old son together. Since our son has been born my partner has continued to go out every weekend and has a habit of not coming home till the next day. We moved in together when our son was 18months old and things have just got worse and worse. He goes to his friends drinking through the week and every weekend, and when he is home is spends all his time on his PlayStation. The agreement when we moved in together was that he gave me a certain amount of money every week to cover bills, food and rent and that I was to pay for our sons clothes, shoes, birthday presents, all the presents at Christmas and pay for holidays. We had this agreement as he worked full time and so earned alot more than me, as I only went back to work 2 days a week. However, he often doesnt stick to his part of the deal, and can go out for the whole weekend, spending our entire bill, food and rent money for the week on gettinh drunk. He does this knowing I cannot afford these these things and he could not care less. When i confront him he twists things round so its my fault, and tells me to leave because 'he pays everything, when he doesn't!! He comes home in the morning drunk and I feel like a bad parent that my son is exposed to this (although he is too young to understand). I am currently in my second year of training to be a nurse, so no longer work, and I am told to get a job and help pay the rent. My nursing course consists of full time placements for up to 6 weeks at a time, 4 times a year and when I am not there I attend university and have assignments, exams etc. Despite this I am treated like I dont do anything and it makes me feel awful. I do everything in the house and for our son and rarely go out, I am very close to my parents and he compares me going to see my parents to him going out drinking all night! I feel like I am going mad! He never has any remorse for what he does and lies all the time. Last Christmas he came home drunk, fell whilst he had hold of our son, and then trashed our Christmas tree, smashed a mirror and punched a hole in the wall because I went to my parents for the night. He never said sorry. I cannot leave as there is no room for me at my parents and I cannot afford to live on my own. I cant stand to be treated like this any more and I am terrified of my son turning out like him. I dont know what to do

OP posts:
crappyday2018 · 16/12/2018 10:08

Wow OP, this guy sounds fucking awful. Why is there no room at your parents? Even crashing on a couch is better than living with this waste of space. Have you told your parents what is going on? If my parents thought I was living like this, they would let me stay whatever the space!!!
Talk to them OP. You can't continue living with this awful man. He is a cocklodger and treating you like shit, and getting away with it.

MrsJane · 16/12/2018 10:13

Your ds has probably noticed a lot more than you realise.

You need to end this relationship now, he will never change. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't respect your family life, he's violent, he's a drunk, he's selfish, he sounds absolutely vile.

I honestly think you'd be better, emotionally and financially, on your own. He's a liability.

Have a chat with your local job centre or go online to see what help you'd be entitled to without him.

TheABC · 16/12/2018 10:14

He sounds abusive. It also sounds like the main thing keeping you there is money for the rent. Please talk to your parents and the university - they may have a hardship fund or similar to help you out. It may also be worth a trip to CABE to see if you can get any benefits. If he moves out, you will also be able to claim child maintenance from him - go through CMS and it comes directly from his paycheck. Either way, get as much information as you can, before you get hurt.

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