husband accused me of manipulating things so he can't play with his children

[ohpissoff]

His reason for this accusation? I (fucking stupidly) gave up my job and career to follow his. I now need to retrain to get a job. As I have a toddler all day, I need to do my course work at weekends and evenings.
I ask him to look after the kids when I am doing this. So in other words, because I gave up my job for him, i am now not spending the time I would have spent with the children, studying.
However, he got really aggressively shouty with me. In his head, he has manipulated this in to me preventing him from spending time with the children. He said he had to do the laundry too, and fix his bike, so he didn't have time all day to play with the children. He shouted I had not thanked him for doing the laundry. He never thanked me, or expressed any appreciation, of me leaving my entire life for him.

He's beyond reason. I hate him. As soon as I am qualified and can get a job, I am fucking leaving.

Sorry, should have said I am now spending the time I would have spent with the children, studying

I don't understand. He looks after the children while you study... So how is that preventing him from playing with them? That's exactly what he's being asked to do... play with them.

But anyway; he's a dick. Move away. Leave.

So what he wants is to sweep in at the weekends play the fun dad while you scurry around still doing the drudge work? Does he think Monday to Friday you spend the week playing with the children or does he realise that you do everything and play with the children.
I’m inclined to agree that leaving is the best option and from my own similar experience life was far less stressful with my lazy ex out of it looking after the dc on my own than it was with him in it.

Exactly, Avrannakern. It makes no sense. its completely irrational. He just lies and makes stuff up as he always has to be right. And because I have started to stand up to him, he now has to create fictions where I am the bad one.

I don't know how I am going to be able to live with him till I leave.

I am scared of how he will be when I leave. He's never been physically violent but he sure gets aggressive and intimidating.

Looks, he never gives one flying thought to what I do in the week. My life is not on his radar at all.

But yeah,the implication of what he said is that I shoudl do all the housework (and all the planning and organising of everything which I do) and do all my coursework and study on top of that,so that he can play with his kids whilst I don't. And he genuinely, sinceerely, thinks he is one of the good guys, but I am so hate filled I just can't see his tremendous qualities.
He looked after the kids one weekend whilst I was on a course and he described that as him making a sacrifice for me.

Are they all his children? How long have you been together?

Does he thank you every time you do the washing? Or does he think the fairies do it as you couldn’t possibly do the washing at the same time as watching the kids. Must be physically impossible

I am scared of how he will be when I leave

Take that feeling seriously. Plan your getaway and plan to do it as soon as possible - the longer you stay the more vulnerable you are.

If you have any fears at all about violence then inform him that the relationship is over once you are already out and physically safe. Don't tell him that you are going to leave and then leave - leave and then tell him you have left.

Do you have someone you can absolutely trust who can help you?

They are his children. We have been together far too long. It's taken me a long time to wake up to how he is and that he can never change. I used to believe him when he told me who he was, a feminist (!) that he loved me, that he was a good guy. I've stopped loving him because he showed me who he is, adn he got so bad even I couldn't make excuses for his behaviour anymore.

I really don't know how to handle the move. He won't be violent whilst I am here, but if I leave, i really don't know. He will go mental. His big thing is that I need to stay with him so he can see the kids everyday. He absolutely cannot see that this is unreasonable and controlling. I'm scared if I just go he will accuse me of stealing the kids and forceable take them back. I never used to think he was like this but I have seen a side I never saw before.

I'm scared if I just go he will accuse me of stealing the kids and forceable take them back

All abusive men threatened to "take" the kids, go for full custody, etc and present this to the woman as something she will be powerless to prevent.

In reality, it is very, very rare for children to be taken away from their mother unless the mother is very ill, violent or has a substance abuse problem. Please don't believe his threats about "getting the kids" - it is designed to scare you into submission.

Thanks Sendin. I think I will speak to Woman's Aid as well to get their advice about how best to go about this.