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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dreading Christmas

7 replies

Itssnowjoke2me · 16/12/2018 05:09

Looking for some advice on how to get through Christmas. My relationship is failing, no I its failed. We're in a very dark place and I don't know how to make it through the next few weeks for my children. Is it possible to just keep a face on and pretend when I feel at such a low eb and I'm crushed emotionally. I'm mentally exhausted I'm physically drained. The details of how we have ended up here would take too long to write and I'm too exhausted to list them. Nevertheless here we are an I just need to find some strength for my children so we can all get through this stressful time. It should be the happiest time but it's not. Please any advice or has anyone been through this themselves?x

OP posts:
fieryginger · 16/12/2018 05:42

Hi there. So sorry you feel this way. I think the constant bombardment of happy family adverts (these are actors who have never met) and social media, 'look at us - we're having a great time' (you never know what's going on behind closed doors, take it with a pinch of salt) - I do it myself. All this illusion is at its worst at this time of year. So first off, pay no attention to it, if you can - it just makes you feel worse.

My next bit of advice is what I gave myself when I gave up smoking or if I'm on the verge of a panic attack. I'm just going to get through today - literally, just today. You can watch the hours tick by, that's fine, but this time WILL pass, Christmas will end, a new year begin very soon and you can think about the details then.

The summer holiday adverts have started, it's not too far away.

Focus on your kids, when you start worrying, interact with them, really plug into what they're doing and saying. Read them a book, take them for a drive to get out of the house, whose got the best lights. Get on the floor and play with them. Take them to visit someone you feel happy with. Maybe the cinema when they break up or a walk when the weather is not so shitty.

This immediate, awful time will pass. The awful time of you being in an unhappy marriage will pass too, when you take action - but don't think about that now, just get through today.

I hope this helps. Wishing you all the best op. It's a crap time if year for many people, for all kinds of reasons, you are not alone. I lost my daughter to cancer, I hate Christmas with a passion. I'm counting down the days for it to end too. And it does end. This will pass.

Big hugs op, wishing you a rosy future, down the line. 💐💐💐

ConfusedWife1234 · 16/12/2018 06:20

Do youszill life with your partner? If not, will he be there for Christmas?

GloomyMonday · 16/12/2018 06:25

I have been there op. Well, I suppose lots of people have, since divorce applications soar in January! As ginger says very well, it will pass and you need only to focus on one day at a time.

I don't know anything about your situation of course, but it may be appropriate to have a discussion so that you are both on the same page for your dc. If that is not possible, or would result in worse behaviour from your dp, then yes it is a case of focusing on your dc. Let this be a wonderful Christmas for them just by being the year that mum played more games, read more stories, went on more outings than any other.

And ignore social media. It's all window dressing. Even the people genuinely happy and enjoying the season may not always do so, this is just a happy year for them, as you too have had happy years.

endofthelinefinally · 16/12/2018 06:33

You don't say how old your children are, but it is possible to adapt and only do what you can cope with.
I opted out of Christmas when my son died. I will never be happy again and I refuse to add to my stress and anxiety when it isn't necessary.
Children are usually easily pleased IME.
Be kind to yourself.
Flowers

pallasathena · 16/12/2018 07:50

It might help to find the energy to list everything that's built up to such an unhappy outcome OP.
Writing it all down can help to get things in perspective and help us to help you.

Itssnowjoke2me · 16/12/2018 16:43

So sorry for late reply, exaustion has the better of me today. Thank you all for the kind words and advice and I will absolutely taking one day at a time, it's all I can do right now. Some days are easier than others, yesterday was one of the harder days. I'm really focused on getting through Christmas and New year now and then we have to start the process of separating. Utterly heart breaking but we all will be happier in the long run. Thank you all again x

OP posts:
Endofmyteather2206 · 16/12/2018 17:31

Can you give more details ?

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