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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

partner goes out almost every weekend

12 replies

Kylieemilyj · 15/12/2018 22:17

I am currently pregnant with his child, he does nothing around the house to help me and every weekend if hes not working he is out drinking in the pub and gets defensive if i ask him to stay home. He says hes doing it now while he can, which I do get but I had to give up a lot for this baby why cant he give up going out once in a while and spend time with me at home... Hes always either working, sleeping or out drinking or gaming. I did a half day at work, came home did 3 loads of washing, ironing, decorated the xmas tree and tidied the house and now i feel like rubbish, and he hasnt even come home because he wants to 'unwind' with a pint after work, but he will be back in the pub within an hour of getting home. AIBU?

OP posts:

Lucyccfc · 15/12/2018 22:59

He's a man-child and won't change when the baby comes along.

I had one of these and thought things would be different. I was even stupid enough to marry him. He's now my Ex-H and life is so much better.

Blondebakingmumma · 15/12/2018 23:13

I doubt things will improve when the baby arrives. You will essentially have 2 children

Travisandthemonkey · 15/12/2018 23:46

This will only get worse. Sadly
Try and work out what you really want.

Watch the signs. They are always there early on.
They are never wrong.

PickAChew · 15/12/2018 23:47

I hope you're not doing his laundry or feeding him.

thefourgp · 15/12/2018 23:51

I second what Lucyccfc said. Sorry op. It’s only going to get worse once the baby is here. X

GrumpyOldMare · 15/12/2018 23:57

My ex husband was like that.
One reason why he's an ex.

MMmomDD · 16/12/2018 00:51

Was he different before you got pregnant? Did he help then? Did you used to go out together - or spent a lot of couple time?

If he was always like this - then I don’t know why you expect him turn into a different person, just because you are pregnant. People rarely change.

If this is a recent change - than i’d be giving him a list of chores and asking him to get back to being an equal in this relationship.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2018 04:57

He will NEVER change.

Alfie190 · 16/12/2018 05:05

Why are you having a baby with him? You knew what he was like.

Changedname3456 · 16/12/2018 08:11

Sounds a lot like the situation a colleague is in. Two kids (one with pretty severe SEND) and the husband does nothing in the home or for the kids. He’s a low earner, she’s not on much either, but he’s late home and in the pub almost every night.

It won’t get better when the child is born.

Nettletheelf · 16/12/2018 08:23

Whatever you do, do not allow yourself to be financially dependent on this man.

Why are you having a child with him? I’m not unsympathetic BTW - you are having a bad time. Start planning your exit.

MessyBun247 · 16/12/2018 08:29

My exH was like this.

He said he’d stop going out when the baby arrived....when we moved into our new home.......when we got married........when we moved into a better area.

Yeah right.

Basically he never did stop going out. Out every single weekend. Then I left him. He continued with his partying. He had no intention of ever making an effort in the marriage or spending time with me.

Leaving was the best thing I ever did. Don’t expect him to change, look at him now and accept that that is how he is and whether you are willing to live like this.

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