Relationship

[Blonde0]

Hey

Me and my partner(35) have been together for almost 6 years, and lived together for 4y and have 1 year old baby (which was planned )he said when we registered baby we would all have the same surname soon as he knew it bothered me.

Anytime I talk to him in the past about getting married he brushes it off and when I have had serious talks with him he’s says he “doesn’t know” if he wants to get married we have been together 6 years I feel he should know of he wants to get married or not, I just want and straight answer and he won’t give me one and says I’m pressuring him and shouldn’t put a time frame on it for his answer and jokes maybe on 5 years he will decide (I think he’s serious) .I won’t be willing to wait years of my life for a answer yes or no . ( which I think is reasonable) and I feel like he’s stringing me along and trying to buy time in case I leave him , i just want him to be honest with me (so I can make Desions on my future and our baby’s and know what to expect and not feel used ) , I really don’t know To .

Any advice please
Thanks x

Apologies, but this is going to sound harsh and I feel sorry but here goes.

If he wanted to get married he would say so. There is no reason for him not to. He is telling you he doesn't want to get married but he is happy to let things ride along as they are until ... ? He meets someone else or you suddenly become a better prospect. The former I would say.

You need to make decisions based on this. Don't give the baby his name and don't take his. Be proud of who you are without his patronage. Keep your own name and plan your own future. He can fit in around that and if he doesn't like it he can go. Or you can tell him to go.

You’ve given him all the power. I would have to make a big statement like that you’ve decided that your baby will henceforth be using your surname (you may not be able to change it legally but could do a “known as” type thing for doctors etc) because it will make things easier for you as the primary carer. And follow through with it. Make it your choice and your decision. At the moment he’s enjoying having this to dangle over you like a carrot.

Thanks so much for ur reply it has made me see things so much clearer ;)

He wants to let things ride along as they are and I’ve to wait however long it takes for him to decide and feel like he’s wasting my time as wont give me straight answer .

OP, my advice stop asking the question, indeed withdraw it. If the answer wasn't yes, then decide on your own future.

You can choose not to wait.

Ask him to marry you, then you will have a definite answer on way or the other. It will stop the uncertainty and you can make plans for you and your child,

I wouldn’t beat around the bush but be very open with him. Tell him his refusal to confirm things, speaks volumes and you will take it as “I do to want to marry you”. Also remind him that he lied to you when you had the baby, by saying you’d all have the same surname soon.
I’d be reassessing my desire to stay with him.

Why do you think he doesnt want to marry? Is it because you dont think he is committed, but you planned a baby together and so clearly thought he was then. Does he believe in marriage generally? Could it be past experience putting him off - parents marriage- assume neither of you married before or financial reasons?
I guess you have to decide what his reasons are as only you know whether you feel he is committed to a future with you. Agree with PP re name though keep your own. Hope it works out for you