To call me partner a dick

[bittersweeet]

So my little girls birthday is on Christmas Day...and I'm talking to him about what else we need to get here. So far all she's got is 6 things..3 for each occupation.. my partner said that is more than enough things for her...is he serious? He's bought his son more than that just for Christmas alone?! There is no way I'm letting her have 3 presents for her birthday and 3 for Christmas!!

Why does she need more? I'm sure she will be thrilled with 6...? Unless they're all little £1 toys or something.

It’s not a nice thing to say, no.

You don’t need permission to buy gifts for your child. Children of different ages need and appreciate different things but if you feel it’s unfair then buy more stuff.

Is he her father too?

You've also said little girl. How old is she? If she's actually quite little she probably couldn't give a shit. 6 is a lot for a little kid. It's 6 things from you. She will get other things.

How old is she?

Does he always favour one dc over another?

Depends on the age of the child, how much they cost, what she needs etc. 6 presents for a one year old is perfect. Anything else is overwhelming. An iPad, iPhone, echo dot, PS4, giant TV and other such stuff (can’t think of a sixth) would be too much.

How old are the children? It isn't about quantity and equality doesn't mean the same.
However it is your child so get what you want. If he objects then you know he isn't right for you.

I think it's best to aim to give the same number (roughly) to both dc, though if she is old enough to notice, a nice pressie specifically for her birthday, too. Might be good to start an Xmas birthday tradition of letting her pick something special to do/an experience as you don't want to be going mad coming up with infinite gift ideas every year when she is already getting Xmas pressies.

And name-calling is out of line. Have a calm conversation about it and explain your thinking.

She'll be 6 , and he's got 6 new PS4 games, PS4 figurines for a game, a game holder new shoes new chair for his room and something else but I can't remember what, so already he's got way more than her, no he's not her biological dad but has been in her life for the last 2 years, I just don't think it's far that she should get less because it's here birthday on the same day

Just buy you’re own dc job done.

So he's bought his son gifts , why can't you buy your daughter her presents? Or does he work and you don't?

Or your kids dad ? What's he buying ?

Is her DF giving her gifts as well? Do you and DP live together and have combined finances?

You don’t say he’s stopping you from giving your DD more than you’ve already bought, so figure out what she’d like, what you can afford, and then go get it. I don’t see the problem sorry.

Is this financial? Do you need money from him to get her more? If It's not then just get her more stuff. It doesn't sound like a fair balance at the moment.

Her biological dad doesn't see her, I earn my own money, he just said she doesn't need any more stuff, and yeah we've been living together for a year now, we only have his sone twice a week so for 9ish wholes a week, so don't really see why he's getting so much when he spends most his time doing homework, I'm buy her what the hell I like and what I can afford and if he doesn't like it then he can lump it

Well if you have your own money and she's not his child, feel free to get her what you want. Don't see the problem really.

Having a dd with a birthday just after xmas, I can agree that each occasion should be marked differently, with appropriate gifts.

Perhaps in future you might choose to celebrate her birthday on a different day, that helps us greatly as family tend to remember to think about separate gifts for her etc. Having more 3 dc in total, it wouldnt look good with the other dc getting lots of gifts on bday and xmas and dd getting a combi present!

I'll assume his son lives elsewhere, if so than Yabu he is entitled to spoil him a little and while I hope he would contribute to your daughters gifts, he is not exactly obligated to. You cannot expect him to treat both dc exactly the same. Even if it was his dd, I would think a non resident child deserved something extra, thats just me though.

I was/am a stepchild and when me and dsis (older half sis) were little, we knew my stepbrother got a lot more and some quite expensive gifts...it didnt bother us at all! Even then I understood that we had what he really wanted, which was his dad living with us and being part of our daily life etc.

Besides it was a given that each parent sorted their own childs gifts out, we didnt even really spend christmas day together, but would catch up boxing day. (DSbros mum wanted him every xmas day)

There was also the fact that Step bro and my Dsis had an extra xmas + presentz with each side of family, (well my sis only had her dad and his gf and her kids, no grandparents aunties uncles to spoil her so still pretty low key) while I never had another side of the family at all, my dad fucked off never to be heard from and his family never knew about me till i was older.

I still didnt complain or feel it was unfair and I think thats mostly to do with how my mum handled it herself, she was very matter if fact about it all and even at 3years old I understood our family situation.

It never ever occured to us kids that these arrangements were unfair, we were happy with whatever we got!
Humble lot we are!

If you think your dd doesnt have enough then crack on and get some more
Next year you must budget for her birthday and get it sorted a bit earlier.

If you two are not married or sharing finances and have no joint dc then as long as he's paying his way while under your roof, You have no right to complain about what he spends on his own child!

So just buy separately I don’t understand the issue. You don’t sound compatible at all though sounds like resentment on both sides

@Jinglealltheway2018

We are buying separately, we both agreed we'd by separately a few months ago, I just don't see why he can tell me she's got enough when he's got double the amount for his son, he wouldn't do it if his son was born Christmas so why's it ok for me to do it, it's not far that she should get less because she's got her birthday and Christmas on the same day 😒 I've not once told him to stop buying...we both earn our own money so i don't see the issue

It’s clearly not working is it you could completely different view points when it comes to you’re dc, it sounds like you’re not a team.

There isn’t an issue, as you say, so just do what you want. He’s not stopping you, just saying he thinks it’s enough. You disagree. You’re her mum, keep shopping if that’s what you want.

There isn’t an issue so what’s the problem?

When I read she was 6 I was thinking he was a being a dick.

But I see it's actually got nothing to do with him and he ventured an opinion.

I think you opinion of 'step son is hardly here and mainly just doing his homework so why should he get so much', just as bad (if not worse) that your dps opinion.