people seem to move on so quickly...

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I'm approaching mid 30s, had many boyfriends, but no relationship lasted than 2 years mainly because I wasn't in love and the thought of marriage scared me. I always put it down to not meeting the right guy yet. As I've posted elsewhere, I find it difficult to meet men who I really fancy and have a spark with - and I've learnt over the years, that this is really important to me, as I've had relationships with men who didn't fit my type or I didn't fancy hoping it would develop, but it never worked. But I rarely meet men I find atttractive and fancy, let alone find one to have a good, solid, long term relationship with, and heaven knows, to settle down with and have the family I've always wanted.

I keep reading inspiring threads on here about when people met their partners - OLD, through friends, travelling etc. It's so inspiring. And it tends to be shortly after their previous relationship has died. I feel like such an outlier - why does it take me so long? Is it because i'm quite particular? Lots of men look at me while I'm out and about, but they hardly talk to me, and I used to meet men on OLD, but since approaching 30s, the interest has died down considerably, even though I use the same pictures from years ago when I had a lot of interest (my looks have hardly changed).

Am looking for support and reassurance.
Thank you!

It's because you have standards. Your first paragraph says it all.

If men look at you when you're out and don't approach you, I have been reliably informed by men that it's because they can sense your 'Fuck Off' walls - decent men recognise you're not ready and shitty men decide they can get another woman with less effort.

Yes, some women move on and meet a new man quite quickly but then also look at how many shitty relationships are discussed on the Relationship boards here. When you read the backstories, some women know they are making bad choices but just don't want to be single.

Some women will date pretty much anyone so as not to be single. They will make a relationship 'work' at all costs (and often post on here to ask how to do that).
You've had a bit of a go at doing that and you've decided it doesn't work for you (good for you)

You haven't met the right man for you yet and that is fine.

Disclaimer; obviously some women meet very decent men shortly after the end of a previous relationship etc but in a lot of cases, women will date anyone just to not be single.

If you're approaching mid 30s and haven't had a relationship over 2 years, then there will be a reason why. Is it possible that you subconsciously don't want a partner?
There's nothing wrong with being single if that's what you're happy with, but if you've met lots of guys and none of it has worked out for you, then maybe it is you. I don't mean that in a nasty way, but I've been there myself. I attracted guys, but I had low confidence and felt I wasn't good enough to date so I pushed people awaybefore it got too far or I let them go for petty reasons.

There's nothing wrong with being picky, I think you have to be to find your right match, but I would give more people a chance and give things time to flourish before you decide to walk away.

Have you made a list of what you’re looking for and really looked at it. Even you will know if they’re unrealistic expectations or actually it’s a decent list and you don’t want to compromise.
Plenty of people have a list in their head that’s so ridiculous no one could match up to it. Then they never actually have to be with anyone, because subconsciously they are stopping themselves.

GoblinsAndGhouls Thank you, your post has really helped I do have standards, sometimes too high I think, but I don't really want to settle for someone who doesn't share my values! I'm not a shallow person by any means, but it's just so difficult finding a likeminded man who I actually fancy!

Build your own life, do activities where you meet people, go out and about, date if you feel like it. One day, when you least expect it Mr. Wonderful may very well cross your path.
You don't have to share all values, fall in love at first sight or fancy the pants off them immediately.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict I think before I wasn't wanting to settle down, but it wasn't due to low self esteem or anything like that. I thought, I'm young, educated, travelling and have a successful career - why be stuck in a committed relationship where I will have to compromise my life when I'm so free? Anyway, I tried relationships with men who I didn't fancy or weren't quite right - as I find it so rare to come across and date a man who I actually DO fancy - and I thought I'd broaden my scope and what I can compromise on. I tried so hard to give many guys a chance, but just wasn't feeling it. God why is it so hard for me To be honest, how many men do women meet who really tick the boxes and they really get along with and love? It's not often.

Have you met anyone?

No its not just you op, I see it on here alot aswell. people dating weeks after a split and wonder how they do it so quick! its been almost 2 and a half years for me and im still not ready!

Travisandthemonkey Yes a list of what to compromise on and what not to. It shouldn't be this difficult but apparently it is :D

You don't need a list. Just decide on where you draw the line.
Stop looking for someone you fancy and find someone you get along with, a few weeks in and you might find you want to rip each other's clothes off after you find out that they make you laugh and feel good.

Here's my perspective.

I met DP 2 weeks after I left my husband of 15 years. We got to be friends over about 4 months and then dated for almost a year before becoming a proper couple.

I felt ready to date for 2 reasons. My marriage was dead long before I left. My ex was abusive and I had emotionally detached and spent 18 months getting my ducks in a row as it were.

Obviously me and do didn't rush to live together etc. I have never understood people who say their partner is their best friend but that's what I have with Dp. And that's the second reason.

I have standards, thanks very much. I had no interest in dating. But as me and dp became friends I felt ready to date him. Other men have asked me out before I dated Dp and before we became a proper couple. But I didn't want to date them. I didn't meet another man who interested me or that I fancied. It was dp that was the difference.

I didn't have to lower any standards. While we have been together I have bought my own home, for me and my kids. I pay my own bills and we both have space to be alone, which I love.

I have Every thing I could ever want. I don't care if people think it was too soon.

Do you expect to fancy them straight away? I ask because that rarely happens for me, so OLD just didn't really work for me. I seem to get to know people, be that through friends, a party, work, and then grow to fancy them.

I was in deep despair with the dating scene in my late 20s when I met my now husband at a party. I thought he was interesting and charming and we started hanging out, and then a few months later got together.

What I did was accept as many party invitations as possible, and go to any and every social event. I was knackered but it was fun, and I met loads of interesting people and had experiences that I treasure to this day.

It's just a matter of time. There's nothing wrong with you at all

MikeUniformMike Did that countless times over the last five years. Gave all sorts of men a try - those I got along with, shared my values etc. The fancying never came. That's what I've realised now - I need to fancy someone from the beginning, otherwise it just doesn't develop/work for me.

Notacluethisxmas Your post came across a little defensive. Didn't meant to offend anyone. Glad everything worked out for you and wish you all the very best.

thethirdbiscuiteer Wow thank you for your encouraging post! Very good advice to get out as much as possible. As mentioned in response to another poster, I struggle to meet men I fancy - it usually has to happen straight away, and this is to do with looks as well as personality. I am not a shallow person in the slightest, but appearance does matter I'm sure we all agree. I have even dated and formed long term relationships with very attractive men and assumed I would fall for them at later, as they were lovely people, but it just didn't happen. The spark wasn't there and never came. I tried this numerous times with several men. I finally met a man I fancied the pants off, and we shared same values etc but he turned out to be an emotional abuser. Sigh.