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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Any experience with Relate?

6 replies

B2018Sc · 15/12/2018 07:22

My husband and I have a beautiful 1 year old daughter. In the months after her birth he became distant and left when she was six months old. We have spent six months with me begging him to go to therapy while we constantly had the same arguments in the same unhealthy ways.

We have now had one session at relate. The therapist said (within five minutes) that my DH seems very certain that he wants a divorce and the session felt like it was geared towards me accepting that or understand it. I’m upset as I had heard Relate were very pro family.

Does anyone have any experience or success stories?

OP posts:

Onlymee · 15/12/2018 07:44

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

StrongerThanIThought76 · 15/12/2018 08:30

My experience with relate was positive. Affirming.

We'd had problems for ages, I begged him to come to counselling. In that hour he talked over me, belittled me, put me down so much in front of a complete stranger who was (to their credit) entirely neutral that I walked out free of uncertainty about my future. I began divorce proceedings a month later.

Probably not what you want to hear OP. Relate are not the only relationship counsellors out there - I've used an independent counsellor for my own stuff recently and it was a very positive nurturing experience. Every counsellor is different. Can you check reviews/get a recommendation?

Good luck.

TooOldForThis67 · 15/12/2018 17:42

Similar to the previous 2 posts I'm afriad.
First marriage, I was young, I knew I wanted out and used that opportunity (at Relate) to voice it. She really put me down and made me feel bad that I wasn't prepared to try.
Second marriage, I was older (obviously) and thought yes I'd try it again when we hit problems. My ExDH was a bully. All the things I wanted to discuss, get off my chest, he responded with 'the reason why' etc. I came out of every session in tears and had to stop. Like Only , I stayed in the marriage far longer than I should have as a result. She couldn't see thro his gaslighting.
As a result, I would never ever use Relate again.

Itwasatuesday · 15/12/2018 18:02

I avoided relate as I've heard theycan make things worse. We went to an independent therapist with a lot of positive reviews and an emphasis on our problem (marriage after an EA), she has been wonderful. Relate are not the only ones out there, do some shopping around.

thefourgp · 15/12/2018 18:08

OP it sounds like your DH is very certain he no longer wants to continue your relationship and Relate are just setting your expectations of what you can accomplish in your sessions. It sounds like you’re expecting them to talk him into staying with you and they can’t do that. They can only allow you to both be open and honest about how you feel. Sorry OP, if you’ve had to beg him to go for six months then he’s only doing it because you’re pressuring him and not because he wants to salvage your relationship. X

Justaboy · 15/12/2018 18:17

Bin there and got the word etc.

Of course each therapist in that organisation will have their own view or bais to each and every situation but it does seem if he's being that determined then your next professional is the Legal one;!

It seems like its broken sorry to say bloody sad though with a young child in the situation:(

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