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Original poster

Just put my partner out - AIBU

52 replies

Baileyswithice1 · 15/12/2018 07:15

I’m absolutely sick to the back teeth of my “partner”

We’ve been together for 3 years and are expecting our 1st child in March (unplanned pregnancy) I have 2 DC from a previous relationship.

He literally does fuck all in the way of household chores/cooking/helping out with the kids....etc. He finishes work, goes to the gym, comes home, eats food that I’ve cooked then lays about watching TV all night. I also work full time btw. All childcare, picking the kids up from school/after school, is arranged and done by me. He’s forever leaving shit lying at his arse, he can’t even complete simple tasks like turn the light off after he’s been to the toilet, put the toilet seat down after him, put a coat hanger back in the wardrobe after he’s taken out a shirt of jacket, instead of putting his toothbrush back in the holder after he’s used it he leaves it lying in the sink, he leaves empty juice cans lying about everywhere, and the same with dirty hanky’s....I’m constantly finding them lying on the sofa, bedside cabinets, floor.... it’s unbelievable.

Last week I even decorated ours and the kids bedrooms and he didn’t even lift a paint brush to help - I literally done the whole lot (including moving furniture about) myself.

Anyway, I didn’t realise he was this bad until he moved into mine a few months ago. We have countless arguments about it but nothing seems to change.

He was at a works dinner last night which started at 6pm and he’s literally just stoated in the door absolutely pissed. I woke up a couple of hours ago and he wasn’t home yet so I text him a with a simple “are you ok?” I was a bit worried that he’d got too drunk, couldn’t get a taxi and decided to walk hom in the freezing cold (we live in Scotland so it’s Baltic here!) But the message didn’t deliver as his phone was off - apparently it ran out of battery.

When he came in he could barely string two words together and mumbled some crap about being at the casino with guys from his work. I’ve honestly reached the end of my tether with him and told him to leave. He’s went to his mums (she only lives around the corner from me)

I’m honestly at the stage now where I just can’t be arsed with this relationship anymore. I know I’ll be less stressed and I’ll be fine bringing up the 3 kids on my own.

Am I being unreasonable for putting him out? We have a trip booked to Sweden next week for a few days before Christmas and the kids are really looking forward to it, I don’t want to put it in jeopardy but I really don’t think I can handle the stress of being in a relationship with this man any longer. We’re both 37 years old and I can’t be arsed with it at this age. He’s the biggest man child I’ve ever came across in my life.

The way I see it - if he wants to behave like single guy then he can be one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Baileyswithice1 · 15/12/2018 08:18

Just to add - he’s never had a relationship that’s lasted more than a few years and all previous partners have ended the relationships. Now I know why!

OP posts:
category12 · 15/12/2018 08:27

Tbh going to a casino would be a dealbreaker in itself for me, certainly if it's a regular thing. Got a child on the way and pissing money on booze and gambling?

But the laziness and watching tv while pregnant partner decorates - those are shocking. I'm not surprised his mum was embarrassed. Unfortunately he wasn't - that's pretty void of all decency. You can't even blame sexism for that - cos DIY is traditionally the bloke's remit. What an absolute arse he is.

costacoffeecup · 15/12/2018 08:44

I lived in Scotland for four years and got drunk very often, how did I avoid it!

I'm adopting it now.

Honeyroar · 15/12/2018 08:51

I think you're right and you sound like you'll do much better on your own. It's refreshing to read about someone who can recognise she's not being treated properly and who is doing something about it.

By the way what does to stoat in mean then? To slink in slyly?

ThePinkOcelot · 15/12/2018 08:59

Good for you OP! The lazy bastard! Definitely obvious why his relationships haven’t lasted. I don’t know you (obviously) but feel really proud of you for not putting up with that shit and not allowing your DDs to grow up thinking that the norm!

MrsAmaretto · 15/12/2018 09:02

The casino & night out has been final nail. I’d make it clear to him that it’s his behaviour before that, that is the issue.

But yes, you’ve done the right thing. You can’t have a proper relationship with a 37 year old who acts like 17.

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/12/2018 09:27

Good for you! Get his layabout arse gone.

Original poster
Baileyswithice1 · 15/12/2018 10:00

@Honeyroar

To stoat about would be like wander around aimlessly.

So me saying he stoated in pissed would be like he finally found his way home and staggered in the door drunk.

It’s def a Scottish slang thing lol!

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 15/12/2018 10:01

Thanks, I like it.

Surfskatefamily · 15/12/2018 10:02

I really sympathise, try the mum thing. Put and end date on when you willing to wait for changes. It sounds like you maybe better off without him

Lynne45 · 15/12/2018 10:06

You've done the right thing! You'll be better off without him.

Cawfee · 15/12/2018 10:07

Go on holiday on your own. Good for you for kicking him out. Strong woman. He’s absolutely taking the piss. I don’t know why women put up with being treated this badly. Good for you for putting a stop to him. Make him move back into a flat on his own

Janleverton · 15/12/2018 10:10

I’m also nicking it! Great word.

You are so NBU. I wonder whether he’s got this idea in his head that you run a unit of 3, you and your dc, and he can just stowaway, and that he will step up when there’s ‘his’ dc around. He’s missing the point though. As a blended family, he should be fully participating and contributing NOW and not riding your coattails. Why wouldn’t he be trying to make your life easier? Because he’s a twat.

dugensmum · 15/12/2018 10:14

You have every right to expect your partner to share in the day to day stuff. If, after asking til your blue in the face and many arguments, he still won't he never will. You are more than capable of tackling life on your own. I know from personal experience that things will be a whole lot easier without a slob like that around. Your children will be happier too.
Good luck, I know everything will be ok xx

traceyturnblatt · 15/12/2018 10:15

He sounds like a wee cocklodging belter OP, you are better off without him.

Original poster
Baileyswithice1 · 15/12/2018 10:16

@Surfskatefamily

Thanks but I really don’t think things will change. You don’t get to 37 years old then change from a man child to a “proper” grown up in the matter of weeks or months.

I just can’t be bothered with the stress he causes me. My children’s father got pretty bad after they were born and stopped helping around the house and making an effort in general. I ended up really resenting him and hating him in the end. It took me years to finally end the relationship but when I did, my life turned out for the better. I always said I would never ever put up with crap from a guy again. When DD’s father decided to cut contact with them also, it was the best thing that ever happened to us. I was single for 4 years and brought 2 young children up on my own and coped absolutely fine.

My eldest is now 11 and youngest 7 and I know I’ll be fine with the new baby and without this loser man child in my life.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 15/12/2018 10:18

Bit worried about "leaving shit lying at his arse" do you mean he doesn't wipe his bottom or he sits with rubbish on the sofa.

AIBU123 · 15/12/2018 10:19

I admire you OP and you are definitely setting a great example to your DC.

Are you still going to Sweden? I hope you do, it will be wonderful.

Original poster
Baileyswithice1 · 15/12/2018 10:20

Re: Sweden - I’ve paid the flights and we’ve booked the accommodation, which he is supposed to pay when we get there - it’s one of those pay on arrival things.

I doubt he’ll pay for it if I say I’ll take the kids on my own. The be put a few hundred quid away for spending money but don’t think I can afford to pay for the accommodation also ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
Baileyswithice1 · 15/12/2018 10:21

*I’ve put

OP posts:
category12 · 15/12/2018 10:49

Scout around for somewhere cheaper?

Original poster
Baileyswithice1 · 15/12/2018 10:55

@Bananalanacake

Lol!! Sorry I think my Scottish slang came out a bit too much in that OP this morning 😂

He’s just constantly leaving his crap lying around. Empty juice cans, dirty hanky’s, etc...

OP posts:
RyderWhiteSwan · 15/12/2018 11:12

I love Scottish slang! always delighted when Buzzfeed posts bits of Scottish Twitter Grin Slang away! what's SS for lazy fucker?

RyderWhiteSwan · 15/12/2018 11:16

I've heard a lot about men becoming useless around the house when DC come along (your former DP). It's like they revert back to toddlerhood, with you as their mummy.

Chamomileteaplease · 15/12/2018 11:20

Personally I don't think the casino/late night/early morning thing is the issue.

It's the pathetic way he has been acting since he moved in with you. But if it was an unplanned pregnancy it sounds like it is all moving too fast and he is not interested in playing his part of a family ie helping with his partner's kids and general household stuff.

So yes I agree you should get shot of him. I really hope you can sort something out about Sweden though.

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