Friends partner messaging me.

[Sparrowlegs248]

I've known friend for about 12 years . A few yrs ago she split with long term partner. She has a new partner of about 18 months. I've not seen her properly for a few years but we've recently started meeting regularly. Her partner sounded great. She seemed so happy. She's a really lovely person. I felt inspired that not all men are arseholes (split with my husband a year ago and all I seem to see or hear is bad news from friends also seperating)
He added me on Facebook. And has sent a few messages. Nothing bad, but I get a wrong feeling about it. He's over friendly, I'd not met him at this stage. Kisses at the end etc. I didn't really engage. Polite and distant, one response then nothing. He's done it a few times and now I find out he has form for it. She has her suspicions that he's up to something , (not rated to me but has other details of messaging others, disappearing , switching find my friends off his phone)

So she's vonfided this on me in a hurry as we saw each other briefly. Would you tell her about the messages? There is nothing in them at all, but if already mentioned it to someone else as it was making me uncomfortable (not anyone that knows her)

Since she has concerns, I’d mention to her that he did message you a few times - didn’t seem to be anything inappropriate but you did find it a bit strange as you don’t know him yet. If I were here I’d be really upset if my friend didn’t tell me this.

Thanks Sinkgirl, that's what I'm going to do.

I'd also block him or offer to respond and keep her in the loop as to his advances...

But if she doesn't trust him then there really is no relationship is there?

Glad you're going to do as sinkgirl suggests, I think that's right.

If it's all above board (and from your point of view it certainly is) then there's no problem in her knowing that he's messaged you.

Next time I saw her I'd say 'hey, why is your Joe messaging me?' and laugh it off in a puzzled way. You're letting her know but laughing it off, without pointing the finger.

You tell her lovely! You will be doing her a massive favour although it may not feel like it at the time . I never told my ex husband years ago that his BF used to constantly drop in when they were on opposite shifts, tried it on with me and phoned me from a phone box (it was the 80,s) to say he loved me!! And yep as far as I know they are still friends.

I’d absolutely tell my friends if their partner messaged me and it didn’t sit right with me. And I’d expect my friends to do the same.

I also find it weird he’s putting kisses at the end, I personally don’t like putting kisses at the end of messages to my friends never mind to someone of the opposite sex I barely know. But maybe that’s just me 🤷🏽‍♀️

Just mention it without any subtext or observations on tone. If stuff comes out about him the last thing she needs is to wonder if friends kept her in the dark. If he's above board and very friendly then she doesn't need to think you've been jumping to conclusions.

In short, just provide facts.

Just be a good friend and do what you’d like done for you.

It’s a no brainer